The cat is out of the bag

My mom found out I've been doing heroin. After all the lengths I went to in order to make sure she didn't know, the IOP I have now completely disowned and will never go back to called her and told her because I was having withdrawals during group. What. The. FUCK.

I lived in my car for two days before my mom finally agreed to let me come back home and detox here. But now she's always ultra-suspicious of everything I do. For instance, I have horrible insomnia. I'll go for days at a time without any real sleep. This causes me to fall asleep randomly throughout the day. It's been like that ever since I can remember, but now apparantly to my mother, me sleeping = nodding out. She said those exact words to me: "I've been watching you nod off."

Idk I'm just really annoyed at the world right now. Ugh.

 

wow I am really sorry to hear that you had to suffer withdrawal in your car thats awful. The awsome thing is that you didnt use it as an excuse to get high you should be proud of yourself for that! You dont need IOP to stay off heroin it sounds to me like you are ready to be done with it.

 

Aw sorry to hear that. I hope your mom will come around and be more supportive once she gets used to the idea. It can actually be a relief to not have to lie about it anymore. Maybe try compiling some info on addiction for her so she can understand it better?

 

Well now that she knows, it actually is quite a relief. I'm just horribly embarrassed about it. Like just today she pointed at my arm (one of my track marks) and was like, "What's that?" And of course I didn't want to say so I was just like... "Mom, you already know what it is." And she was like, "Is it what I think it's from?" And I was just like, "Yes, it is, so please don't look at it. How embarrassing." And then she went into this whole spiel about how she's not being judgemental, she just needs to know these things. I was mortified. It is a huge relief to be able to be completely honest with her now, I hated lying to her about that, but I was so scared of the consequences (I knew I'd be kicked out and have to go through withdrawals in my car and etc.).. but at the same time it's things like that, and I feel really ashamed about it. Serves me right, I guess. I suppose I should be ashamed for it. I just hate that my mother has to know what I was doing, she probably feels like it's her fault or something. I mean, really, what mother wants to find out their baby girl is/was doing heroin? Yeah, I'm an adult, but I'm still her daughter. Fuck. At least she's letting me detox at home though. I'm just so pissed off at that outpatient center... I'm an adult... they had absolutely NO business telling my mom what I was doing when I wasn't even a patient there at the time I relapsed. "Everything you say here stays here"... that's their motto. haha BULL FUCKING SHIT! I hate that place so much. Grr. I'm still livid about it.