the bus ride from here to there

[Chaotic Action Man]

the bus moved a thousand miles past everything
departure and arrival points
like two pin holes on a map
each of us suspended here
trying to get towards something
as fast as we can leave it all behind

the intimacy is forced upon
it carries down the isles
what one brings they share with all
a commune
on wheels
we move along
the soft voices of two friends
light on
while a baby whimpers in exhaustion
the parent’s intent on calm

headphones bring soft escape
cupped gently
head back
you don’t mind sharing the way
when all going in the same direction
putting your trust in another
to get there safe thinking
i’m ok so he’s ok
and besides
it’s Christmas time

the stretches of highway
absent of lights
allow the night to stretch on
forever, the bus hardly seems to be moving
except for the occasional farm light
illumination rolling off in the distance
while all the sounds are muffled
like the snow falling outside
was falling inside as well

and as you fall asleep
you feel, maybe
you've found peace
in the chaotic moment you
managed to escape
all the while knowing
you have to go back

it will be ok then
when you’re in the future
looking back on this time
you managed to get away

 

[edgewise]

i really liked this, playing with line length and breaks, the tentative emotions. i especially liked the last stanza. i wished there was a bit more detail on what could be seen from the bus, the passing scenery, although i liked the image that with the repetition of night, "the bus hardly seems to be moving"

lovely overall.

 

[Chaotic Action Man]

hmmmm, maybe i'll take it back to the shop and see if i can't add in a little bit more length and detail. thanks.