The Bright Side

[weekend addiction]

I never really considered myself a drug addict. I was always self medicating my anxiety, ADHD, and occasional bouts of depression. Finding the right medicine was hard for me. I have tried a plethora of anti-depressants, anxiety meds, street drugs, herbal remedies, you name it. But I finally reached a breaking point. Through a long series of failures that led to a nervous breakdown I finally found medicine that works for me. I just want to let everyone know that you can find it to. Don't give up because there is something out there that will work for everyone I am confident of that. Once you do, you can move over to the bright side.

Will I still do drugs? Hell yah. But because I want to, not because I have to. I have realized that its time for a break and I am not going back to my old ways. I've said it to myself a thousand times. But I have never acted on it. Today I acted on it. I had some money and used it to fill a prescription for my meds even though my family would have paid for them. I could have bought a bag of weed or some beer. I walked to the pharmacy and passed beer bottles and cans the whole way. I looked at the familiar brands: Icehouse, Bud Light, Milwaukee's Best. I remembered the good times I had, and the bad as well. But I recognized that I didn't NEED a beer. I didn't even want one. I'm taking care of my needs right now. And I don't need drugs.

I will never quit drinking for good. Or pot. I'm sure of that. But there's a time in every man's life when enough is enough. I have been rich and poor, happy and sad. Right now I need to get my finances straight. I can't do that if I'm throwing my money away on dime bags and 12 packs. Good luck for those of you on this journey. It's a long hard road to sanity but before you know it you'll be on the other side.

 

[vortex30]

Thanks for that man, I've never had much of an issue with Cannabis or Alcohol, but last September - February I was shooting OxyContin, Dilaudid and Heroin on as much of a daily basis as possible and if money was low I would take 40-80mg OC just to get through the day. I ODed on Etizolam and GBL January 13th and since then my mind has totally shifted away from drugs and on to school and my new girlfriend (ironically I met her like 5 days later, would have been a shame to die that night... ). I got my psych meds sorted out to get me off the Etizolam and Pregabalin I was abusing with the opiates throughout November, December and start of January (1mg Clonazepam / day for the passed 2 months, I see him tomorrow to see where I go from there). I started counselling in mid-February and NA towards the end of February. Got my Just For Today on February 24, February 26th was my first day with no opiates. People may go bat-shit at this but I consider myself 30 days clean as of now, and will collect my 30 day on Friday, however I have used 3x in this period, I have smoked weed about twice a week and been drunk once and had the odd couple of drinks here and there, and been on 1mg Clonazepam / day. But for me, this is the most sober I have been since I started using drugs 7 years ago, and I don't care for all the hype around complete sobriety as the only way. I say you define your own sobriety, and for me, my life has improved so drastically in the passed month or two that I'll collect that key-chain without shame. Would I really be any better off, had I not used those 3x? I didn't have any withdrawal symptoms, I haven't craved opiates, I've felt good every single day (except the first 10 or so), my marks in school dipped for a while but are now on the mends and I have a lovely girlfriend (I recently turned 22 and this is literally my first girlfriend, lol...).

What can I say, my life tonight compared with my life 3 months ago can not be compared. It's day and night. And for the record, I don't plan to use any more, I just had to see that place a few last times and get my good-byes in. There was no 'need' or 'urge' it was a choice I made in advance and I'm glad I did do it as now I feel I've completely made peace with opiates.

Thanks for temporarily making me a zombie and leaving me with $7,000 debt to clear, you fuckers!

 

[weekend addiction]

Glad to see your doing better. I agree that you have to define what sobriety means for you. I don't think that taking a small amount of prescription medication as prescribed and drug abuse are the same thing. And its certainly okay to have a little fun every then. The way that you have been using has not impacted your life negatively and the difference from now and before is night and day as you say. I think that the whole "total abstinence" is the only way thing is looking at things to black and white. You can use drugs without abusing them even after a long history of addiction. There are plenty of people that have done this. Lying, even to help others and with good intent, is still lying. AA should be honest with people and they would have more members.