soulfly
Bluelight Crew
The bowl glows again and as usual it glows a different color. Reflecting the uncertainty and confusion in my life. It glows a pretty blue and wisps it’s lovely smoke at me again. Always reminding me of the way things used to be, or at least the way I wanted them to be….but never really were. It’s funny how one can live through hell…and 5 years later denounce those years as the “best there ever were” just to make yourself feel better. Time to break it down again. I’m again staring into the fiery eyes of indecision as I always have. The glowing bowl kind of looks like this.
Every obstacle in my path, makes me feel like one of those cartoon characters that always got screwed…but we just laugh at.
Wanting to escape this word into a chemical nirvana, but at the same time addicted to the confusion and chaos. Confusion and chaos are like heroin…. Hating it yet needing it as if it were oxygen. You just don’t know how to survive without it, but would do anything to discard it.
I look at myself and I wonder “what have I done”
I claw my arms and scratch at the scars of the things I have done
Adrenaline flows and heart speeds up
Still wondering what I have done
And I feel so far away from everyone… and I feel so plastic
But not knowing what it’s like to be flesh and blood
To feel the things people take so lightly
Wishing to be able to open up
Wishing to be able to someday RELAX
And not take things so seriously, and not overreact….and to listen more… to show my feelings more (or is that less???)
Typing speed increases with maynard keenan’s voice
And slows down again
I wait for a break that’s not coming…
That one thing that shows me how to “feel” again
Maybe I’m too far gone… or maybe the drugs have taken their toll
Or more likely, maybe I’ve transformed into something else
And what that is I do not know
Something that people can’t understand
Something that people are repulsed by…
Maybe I need to start taking more responsibility for my actions
I stand up and walk to the mirror….staring at the word “empower” forever tattooed between my shoulder blades…
I wish someone saw me as “beautiful”, or at least had been remotely believable about it
They were all just settling
I wish someone would show me how to feel….well, normal
And I don’t think this is ever going to happen
All the prescriptions for drugs I couldn’t even pronounce couldn’t do it
Someone who truly loved me couldn’t do it
And I haven’t been able to do it
** heavy sigh**
I want to run away, but afraid to because I know I may never come back
I can’t keep my promises….and I need to figure all this out
But I’ll probaby just wait for something to happen and deal with it then
That’s all I can do….
Someday I will look back and know that I did things all wrong….things that at the time felt so right
You touch your lips to mine and again I close my eyes for that all too long sleep
Like the greatest k-hole ever
Before the puppeteer raises his hand and commands me for another day…
Every obstacle in my path, makes me feel like one of those cartoon characters that always got screwed…but we just laugh at.
Wanting to escape this word into a chemical nirvana, but at the same time addicted to the confusion and chaos. Confusion and chaos are like heroin…. Hating it yet needing it as if it were oxygen. You just don’t know how to survive without it, but would do anything to discard it.
I look at myself and I wonder “what have I done”
I claw my arms and scratch at the scars of the things I have done
Adrenaline flows and heart speeds up
Still wondering what I have done
And I feel so far away from everyone… and I feel so plastic
But not knowing what it’s like to be flesh and blood
To feel the things people take so lightly
Wishing to be able to open up
Wishing to be able to someday RELAX
And not take things so seriously, and not overreact….and to listen more… to show my feelings more (or is that less???)
Typing speed increases with maynard keenan’s voice
And slows down again
I wait for a break that’s not coming…
That one thing that shows me how to “feel” again
Maybe I’m too far gone… or maybe the drugs have taken their toll
Or more likely, maybe I’ve transformed into something else
And what that is I do not know
Something that people can’t understand
Something that people are repulsed by…
Maybe I need to start taking more responsibility for my actions
I stand up and walk to the mirror….staring at the word “empower” forever tattooed between my shoulder blades…
I wish someone saw me as “beautiful”, or at least had been remotely believable about it
They were all just settling
I wish someone would show me how to feel….well, normal
And I don’t think this is ever going to happen
All the prescriptions for drugs I couldn’t even pronounce couldn’t do it
Someone who truly loved me couldn’t do it
And I haven’t been able to do it
** heavy sigh**
I want to run away, but afraid to because I know I may never come back
I can’t keep my promises….and I need to figure all this out
But I’ll probaby just wait for something to happen and deal with it then
That’s all I can do….
Someday I will look back and know that I did things all wrong….things that at the time felt so right
You touch your lips to mine and again I close my eyes for that all too long sleep
Like the greatest k-hole ever
Before the puppeteer raises his hand and commands me for another day…
