the bluelight preconception, pregnancy and parenting l337ness thread

[LoveAlways]

Congrats Lacey I'm so happy for you

And same to everyone else trying or expecting



^ I know how you feel. It's weird to be a minority in that respect Sometimes I worry that I'll have a hard time finding a long term S\O because I have no desire to procreate, and it seems like most people want that at some point in their life I am only 22 and I know I have a lot of life ahead of me, but it still sucks getting into relationships when I KNOW the guy eventually wants kids so it's pretty much eventually going to be doomed.

Like Neo said, that parental instinct comes naturally for some people, not for others, and I guess it can't really be explained.

One thing I'd like to know from all the ladies who have experienced pregnancy: how hormonal did you get, in terms of your moodiness and irrationality and such??

The reason I ask is because my roommate is 12 weeks along, and lately she's been really bitchy, and IMO, kind of unreasonable. However, I do realize her body is going through a lot of changes and she's uncomfortable a lot and stuff, so I don't want to be harsh in judging her behavior.

She just seems to be really ignorant to how her pregnancy has changed our lifestyles. Me and my other roommate are no longer allowed to smoke in our living room, which is a minor annoyance but nothing unreasonable because I can understand her not wanting second hand smoke. But she has never even thanked us or anything, and I just think if MY personal life choice affected everyone around me I'd be a little more grateful. And she makes little bitchy comments or whatever if my other roommate or I smoke in our bedrooms and she can happen to smell it out in the hallway. I mean, if the door is shut I don't think it's that big of a deal, and I pay a third of the rent so I think I should be able to do what I want in my room.

Then there's always just her general attitude, constantly complaining and getting snappy over little, trivial things. She has this horrible thing about saying really bitchy things in non-direct ways so that you can't really call her out. Like the other day, she's like "So, I don't know what happened to my Ramen noodles, someone must have taken them"...it's a well known fact that our other roommate hates Ramen so she basically just accused ME of doing, but didn't have the balls just to ask me directly. I just know that if it's this bad at 12 weeks that it can only get worse

I want to be sympathetic but my odd un-maternal nature makes it really hard for me to. I can't fathom the idea of wanting to be pregnant, so when people make that choice I find it hard to excuse the moody behavior. But I feel really bad about that I don't say anything rude to her, I just turn the other cheek but I feel bad for all the resentment I'm building towards her.

Any advice?

Oh man, I feel bad for you on this one. My suggestion would be to just ignore her, don't take it personally, and try as hard as you can to not be around her!! lol i know its your house too and you pay rent, but maybe just hole yourself up in ur room or bathroom or something Maybe some husbands have advice for you. It sucks bc you have to deal with her as much as a husband would but dont the reward of the child (i guess its considered a reward depending on where you are in your life lol)

Btw most of my friends where I live now started having kids after the age of 35. They are not caucasian though so maybe its not as much of a risk for them? idk.

 

[aislinnna]

Yep for sure, there is heeeaps of info in HL (and even SLR to some extent) re: pregnancy, conception, health etc.

aislinna, this is really exciting to hear and I wish you and your husband the best of luck. If everything goes smoothly for me and my partner we will be in the same boat as you guys at the end of 2011
Oh and yes I would definitely also recommend taking a pre-conception multivitamin, starting a few months before you're actually planning to conceive. Things like folic acid (and other stuff that I can't recall right now) are preferable to be in higher amounts in your body before the baby is actually conceived so yeah you should try to begin the multivitamin a few months before conception.

Thank you, good luck to you guys too!

all you need is elevit
http://www.elevit.com.au/default.aspx

when trying to conceive, try to make sure you're BOTH abstaining from any drugs (legal or not). i stopped drinking entirely for close to two months when i knocked her up.

good luck!

Thanks for the site, I spent a while reading it, and had heaps of info on
it.

Also read that my husband will have to be changing the kitty litter when im pregnant

 

[Fawkes]

as much as i hate to resurrect this debate...

Breastfeeding study raises doubts over guidelines

LONDON (AFP) – Breastfeeding exclusively for the first six months is not necessarily best for a baby's health, British researchers said Friday, calling into question advice given to new mothers.

The team led by a paediatrician from University College London said babies fed only breast milk could suffer iron deficiency and may be more prone to allergies.

The study says babies could start to be weaned on to solids as early as four months, although other experts advised sticking to the existing guidelines.

Ten years ago, the World Health Organisation (WHO) recommended that infants should be exclusively breastfed for six months.

"Many Western countries, including 65 percent of European member states and the United States, elected not to follow this recommendation fully, or at all," the authors said, although Britain did.

The WHO recommendation "rested largely" on a review of 16 studies, including seven from developing countries.

It concluded that babies given only breast milk for six months had fewer infections and experienced no growth problems.

But another review of 33 studies found "no compelling evidence" not to introduce solids at four to six months, the experts said.

Some studies have also shown that breastfeeding for six months fails to give babies all the nutrition they need.

One US study from 2007 found that babies exclusively breastfed for six months were more likely to develop anaemia than those introduced to solids at four to six months.

On the issue of allergies, the British study said researchers in Sweden found that the incidence of early onset coeliac disease increased after a recommendation to delay introduction of gluten until age six months, "and it fell to previous levels after the recommendation reverted to four months".

The authors said however that exclusively breastfeeding for six months remains the best recommendation for developing countries, which have higher death rates from infection.

But in developed countries, it could lead to adverse health outcomes and may "reduce the window for introducing new tastes".

"Bitter tastes, in particular, may be important in the later acceptance of green leafy vegetables, which may potentially affect later food preferences with influence on health outcomes such as obesity."

The researchers said the European Food Safety Authority's panel on dietetic products, nutrition and allergies has concluded that for infants across the EU, complementary foods may be introduced safely between four to six months.

Experts in Britain challenged the findings of the new study.

Janet Fyle, professional policy adviser at the Royal College of Midwives, said: "I really must challenge the suggestion from the review that the UK should reconsider its current advice on exclusive breastfeeding for six months.

"I believe that this is a retrograde step and plays into the hands of the baby food industry which has failed to support the six-month exclusive breastfeeding policy in the UK."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20110114/ts_afp/healthchildrenresearchbritain

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

Our neighbour gave birth to their first and last baby yesterday.

My husband:I imagine the love that I feel for the cat and dog would be 100 times for for a kid.
Me: Yeah it must be or else there would be a lot of dead children. Do you want to have a baby now?
Him: No.
Me...relief.

I commend all the parents in this thread. You have a tough job but I hear it is all worth it.
It better be

 

[LoveAlways]

Yeah, parenting isn't for everyone as it is definately a tough job!! Its the most challenging yet rewarding job I've ever had. Every day I love my kids more and more

 

[Busty St Clare]

Your cat and dog can't get a beer and snacks out of the fridge for you. Then again your dog won't eventually dob you into the RSPCA either so I guess things even out.

I don't need antihistamines to be around my children. I do sometimes need a stiff scotch to listen to The Wiggles.

 

[Samadhi]

RE: breastfeeding - this fine specimen of a bouncing baby boy was only being fed breastmilk at this point:

His mum (a dear friend of mine) was telling me that at every weekly nurse visit, the RN would rant about how perfect a specimen of a child he was. He was reaching (and sometimes passing) all of his milestones, all of his levels were perfect. I was amazed when i saw him and said "good god are you feeding him spinach - popeye styles?" and was even more amazed when she told me that no, it was just the magic of breastmilk. My head almost exploded at how cute he was... all squishy and cuddly. He's really grown into his rolls now, and is still thriving. In saying that, he was introduced to other food at 5.5 months, but was still breastfed for a few months after that...

 

[LoveAlways]

...I dont think i ever felt somethin as wonderful in my whole life as the warm fuzzy cozyness of layin there in the dark just snuggling with him as he falls asleep on my chest...

so true!!!

 

[Samadhi]

Lacey your post almost made me cry happy tears. I can't wait to feel that when i have a baby

 

[voxmystic]

yay, Lacey!! i'm so happy for you and your little guy! and proud of you for taking no shit from the docs!

well, hopefully i'm not speaking too soon this time -- bun has been in the oven for 19 weeks now, and the first ultrasound revealed a normal/healthy baby. looks like i get to keep this one!

 

[Samadhi]

Wonderful news voxmystic! :D

 

[n3ophy7e]

well, hopefully i'm not speaking too soon this time -- bun has been in the oven for 19 weeks now, and the first ultrasound revealed a normal/healthy baby. looks like i get to keep this one!

This is so great to hear vox!! I am so happy for you and your husband


lacey it sounds like you are doing absolutely brilliantly Not that I expected any less but it's still wonderful to hear!!

 

[TINK]

Ever since I can remeber I said I was not having kids. Funny thing is neither do any of my siblings. I think it is directly related to our childhood and not wanting to repeat that.

There are definitely people out there that should not have children. I just want to say thank you to those that are procreating and raising well adjusted children that will someday take care of me in my old age.

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

My neighbour delivered her first child, a boy, on Thursday . She is 38 and he is 40.

Her husband confided in my husband this afternoon that she seems so lost when it comes to basic care giving. It is making him nervous. He is doing everything. She couldn't change a diaper. He traded sides of the bed with her to take care of their son. She is not breast feeding. She decided she was not going to while she was pregnant.

My husband reassured him. He said that he was there for about an hour and not once did she touch the baby. Although there were a few family members there and they were trading holding the baby...so I get that. He said she was acting like herself...bubbly and social.

I hope this a brief transitional period and not post partum depression.

Her mom will stay with her during the day so he is less worried about leaving them when he goes back to work in 2 days.

I don't know what else to do but cook for them. He does all the cooking so I told him weeks ago that when I cook I will make extra for the next month or 2.
Edit: that's all I want to do

 

[TINK]

PI - its really funny how many people told me oh once you have a baby you will feel different. I would always say but what if I don't then what do you do?

Most people will not admit that they don't want children so then they end up having them and sometimes the "motherly" instinct is not there. As bad as it sounds PPD would be better than the alternative.

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

They had tried to conceive for about 5 years. She said to me when they were trying for the last time using Clomid (again) she said if this does not work I accept that I will not be a mother.

I told her when she was pregnant I wasn't one of those women who want to hold and coo at your baby. She laughed and said neither am I!

When she lost the twin after 10 weeks she said that she was relieved and felt bad that people in the know were giving condolences. She said she did not think she could handle 2 at once.

I admire her honesty. I think she snap out of it.

I look forward to watching the next chapter of their lives unfold.
I will babysit age 3. No earlier. They are aware of this. I like that age

 

[TINK]

Yeah I know probably how she feels. I didn't really feel all that bad when I had mmiscarriage at 4 months. But, the hormones got me wrapped up in the baby making thing and went to a fertility doctor and all that, then realized wtf are you doing you aren't made to have kids. I think society puts too much pressure on people to conform to their idea of normal.

For years because I wasn't married with kids my family thought I was a lesbian (i am not saying its a bad thing) I just think its funny how people perceive you when you are out of the "norm"

 

[tiggerific]

...it KICKS ASS to be able to wake up in the middle of the night when hes crying and just give him a boob. I would go nutz if i had to get up outa bed and make up a bottle 6 times a night.

I done it cos I am lazy lol I hate washing dishes, therefore presumed I would hate washing bottles lol Also getting up and counting out spoonfuls of formula was just not something I was going to do.

I found with my kids they started showing an interest in food about 6-9 months and I would put a little plate out in front of them when I was having my lunch and they basically told me when they were ready for the next stage. I kind of like waiting till they tell me when they are ready though.

 

[badandwicked]

I hope this a brief transitional period and not post partum depression.

Her mom will stay with her during the day so he is less worried about leaving them when he goes back to work in 2 days.

I don't know what else to do but cook for them. He does all the cooking so I told him weeks ago that when I cook I will make extra for the next month or 2.
Edit: that's all I want to do

It's good that awareness of this condition has increased and friends & family can be on the look out for it. I think cooking extra for them is a great help with a new baby on the scene.

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

Yeah I am the type who is not going to get involved.
I will visit them this weekend.
Maybe she is just tired and letting family and her husband take over.
I do think this will pass.
I will let the men confide in each other and get the scoop from my husband