Today is Monday, April 19th, 2010 and it is now 325 AM here in Brooklyn, New York City.
When we last talked Jackie's sister had put an idea into her head about Jackie possibly giving up 1 of her 2 young daughters. I had jumped off the handle and heavily criticised the idea before stopping to realise that this was Jackie's non-confrontational way of approaching contentious ideas.
Having ascertained that Jackie had been independantly thinking of the idea even before the sister mentioned it, I re-assured Jackie that I will love her no matter what she chooses to do.
Jackie had tried to put the decison on me and I refused outright, explaining to her that were we ever to argue seriously (and of course all couples do), I could not bear to hear her accuse me of making her lose her kids.
And now our show...
2 days later we reached one of those lulls that takes place when a couple IMs 14 hours a day, 7 days a week. I decided to re-introduce the subject of giving up one or both of her daughters. I am ashamed to admit that in the interim the idea had sort of grown on me. After all, I had long wanted to move to Cambodia full time and this would enabe us to do that if we chose. Of course I remained absolutely quiet on the subject for fear of influencing her decison.
Rachamim:"So, baby, remember the subject we talked about the other day? Have you thought about it at all since then?"
Jackie:"What? giving up the girls? Yes, I have."
R:"OK, well what did you decide?"
J:"I am going to give them both up."
R:"Whoaaaaaaa...Are you sure Jackie?"
J:"Yes, I am absolutely sure and this is not because of you, not because of their father, but because it is best for the girls and best for everybody."
*At this point I almost screamed at her. Her ex, as I have explained in previous entries, is a Tausug Tribesman. The Tausug, the indigenous tribe of the Sulu Archipelago between Mindanao and Borneo and resident in the Philippines, Brunei, Malaysia and Indonesia are the tribe responsible for the bulk of violence in the Southern Philippines. from Islamic Insurgency (MNLF, ASG and JI) to large scale commercial piracy and clan feuds the Tausug pain and unpretty picture.
The Philippines has a unique attribute its people should be very proud of: Even super market cashiers must have university degrees. the Tausug by contrast generally have less than 4 years of formal schooling for males, and less or none for females.
Muslims, they marry their daughters off to males of their choosing, almost always 1st cousins, do so by puberty, and always after first removing their clitoris at age 5 to 6. Jackie's eldest is 5. A particularly alarming tribal custom, independant of Islam, involves kidnapping and rape as away in which to acquire wives. Up to 60% of Tausug marriages begin this way.
Still, one cannot change an entire culture. These things exist for *(literally) billions of people and as someone with a degree in an anthropological discipline I am more than aware of the folly of examining a foreign culture through the stunted prisom of my own. He IS their father, that is a fact. As long as he will not beat them or rape them, I cannot judge his cultural practices...but there is a huge part of me wondering whether-or-not I am rolling over far too easily so as to make my and Jackie's life easier.
J: "Baby, do you think bd of me?"
R: "My love I can never do that, EVER. You are the love of my life, my soul mate and in a way I believe I understand your reasoning. However, please explain to me your reasons for doing this.
J:"Raki you are so very white, with coloured eyes [sic]. when we have our babies they will be noticeably 'mestiso' [sic] {a cooption of the Spanish word from the Colonial Era-for mix raced, Spanish and Native American- when Mexico and the Philippines were one governmental entity}. People will see us, and our babies, and they will see they are from you, and from me. They will then see the girls and realise that they are not yours. They will also tease the girls terribly and I want my daughters happy.
*As I noted in my BL Journal back in 2006 or 2007, people in the Philippines (just like anywhere) tend to be overly focused on matters of race and skin colour. Skin whitening products are a huge money maker and there are traveling quacks going about selling operations on the nose and/or eyelids to offer a more Western appearance (the actual result however is more like an extra-terrestial).
The girls are dark skinned, even for the average Filipino because the Tausugs are a darker skinned tribe.
Jackie continued...
J:"I am also worried about Hamza (not his real name), he will not quit until he has the girls or he has me back. It is better for all of us to let them go to their father.
R:"Baby, you do realise that once you give them away you will never be able to see them again and most likely will never hear of them as well?"
*Filipino Muslims, like Hamza, are subject to Shari'a Law (Islamic Law). Shari'a Law dictates that males ALWAYS gain total custody, no visitations are allowed (since there is no divorce for non-Muslims there is no such thing as Custody Cases). Once Hamza gets the girls he will pprobably spirit them to his home island of Jolo, a war racked spit of land which might as well be a different nation...
J:"I kno baby but this is my decison and I am sure of it."
R:"Well, on that note I support you as I said I always would. I love you and will always remember this sacrifice you are making..."
**On that note, character count dictates I must finish off this entry and continue in a subsequent one...
When we last talked Jackie's sister had put an idea into her head about Jackie possibly giving up 1 of her 2 young daughters. I had jumped off the handle and heavily criticised the idea before stopping to realise that this was Jackie's non-confrontational way of approaching contentious ideas.
Having ascertained that Jackie had been independantly thinking of the idea even before the sister mentioned it, I re-assured Jackie that I will love her no matter what she chooses to do.
Jackie had tried to put the decison on me and I refused outright, explaining to her that were we ever to argue seriously (and of course all couples do), I could not bear to hear her accuse me of making her lose her kids.
And now our show...
2 days later we reached one of those lulls that takes place when a couple IMs 14 hours a day, 7 days a week. I decided to re-introduce the subject of giving up one or both of her daughters. I am ashamed to admit that in the interim the idea had sort of grown on me. After all, I had long wanted to move to Cambodia full time and this would enabe us to do that if we chose. Of course I remained absolutely quiet on the subject for fear of influencing her decison.
Rachamim:"So, baby, remember the subject we talked about the other day? Have you thought about it at all since then?"
Jackie:"What? giving up the girls? Yes, I have."
R:"OK, well what did you decide?"
J:"I am going to give them both up."
R:"Whoaaaaaaa...Are you sure Jackie?"
J:"Yes, I am absolutely sure and this is not because of you, not because of their father, but because it is best for the girls and best for everybody."
*At this point I almost screamed at her. Her ex, as I have explained in previous entries, is a Tausug Tribesman. The Tausug, the indigenous tribe of the Sulu Archipelago between Mindanao and Borneo and resident in the Philippines, Brunei, Malaysia and Indonesia are the tribe responsible for the bulk of violence in the Southern Philippines. from Islamic Insurgency (MNLF, ASG and JI) to large scale commercial piracy and clan feuds the Tausug pain and unpretty picture.
The Philippines has a unique attribute its people should be very proud of: Even super market cashiers must have university degrees. the Tausug by contrast generally have less than 4 years of formal schooling for males, and less or none for females.
Muslims, they marry their daughters off to males of their choosing, almost always 1st cousins, do so by puberty, and always after first removing their clitoris at age 5 to 6. Jackie's eldest is 5. A particularly alarming tribal custom, independant of Islam, involves kidnapping and rape as away in which to acquire wives. Up to 60% of Tausug marriages begin this way.
Still, one cannot change an entire culture. These things exist for *(literally) billions of people and as someone with a degree in an anthropological discipline I am more than aware of the folly of examining a foreign culture through the stunted prisom of my own. He IS their father, that is a fact. As long as he will not beat them or rape them, I cannot judge his cultural practices...but there is a huge part of me wondering whether-or-not I am rolling over far too easily so as to make my and Jackie's life easier.
J: "Baby, do you think bd of me?"
R: "My love I can never do that, EVER. You are the love of my life, my soul mate and in a way I believe I understand your reasoning. However, please explain to me your reasons for doing this.
J:"Raki you are so very white, with coloured eyes [sic]. when we have our babies they will be noticeably 'mestiso' [sic] {a cooption of the Spanish word from the Colonial Era-for mix raced, Spanish and Native American- when Mexico and the Philippines were one governmental entity}. People will see us, and our babies, and they will see they are from you, and from me. They will then see the girls and realise that they are not yours. They will also tease the girls terribly and I want my daughters happy.
*As I noted in my BL Journal back in 2006 or 2007, people in the Philippines (just like anywhere) tend to be overly focused on matters of race and skin colour. Skin whitening products are a huge money maker and there are traveling quacks going about selling operations on the nose and/or eyelids to offer a more Western appearance (the actual result however is more like an extra-terrestial).
The girls are dark skinned, even for the average Filipino because the Tausugs are a darker skinned tribe.
Jackie continued...
J:"I am also worried about Hamza (not his real name), he will not quit until he has the girls or he has me back. It is better for all of us to let them go to their father.
R:"Baby, you do realise that once you give them away you will never be able to see them again and most likely will never hear of them as well?"
*Filipino Muslims, like Hamza, are subject to Shari'a Law (Islamic Law). Shari'a Law dictates that males ALWAYS gain total custody, no visitations are allowed (since there is no divorce for non-Muslims there is no such thing as Custody Cases). Once Hamza gets the girls he will pprobably spirit them to his home island of Jolo, a war racked spit of land which might as well be a different nation...
J:"I kno baby but this is my decison and I am sure of it."
R:"Well, on that note I support you as I said I always would. I love you and will always remember this sacrifice you are making..."
**On that note, character count dictates I must finish off this entry and continue in a subsequent one...