wow neato
I decided I would smoke the rest of my salvia tonight, since I have the house all to myself (smoking with my boyfriend as a trip sitter is a bad idea, I learned last time).
This time was definitely MUCH different than my last experience. Almost like a totally different thing. I didn't break through but I got a lot closer and it made me interested in doing deeper experimentation with salvia, at stronger extractions (this is supposedly 10x but it was not very strong and the lady at the store said this was the weakest stuff they had)
I can still sort of feel it in my system but I wanted to get on here and write about it right away, try to remember as much as I can. Its such a weird experiance that it will be hard to even put into words but I want to try.
I set up my bedroom with two small candles burning, some trance music playing very very soft, and the lights off.
I had a number of hits left. I did the first one and felt a little funny, but nothing really *which was weird because last time, while drunk, one hit made me got nuts laughing and rolling around*
I did some more hits, and at some point "something" happened. I dont even know how to explain it, god its weird. Its like, there were no visual hallucinations at all. But It seemed like the entire south half of my bedroom was farming fields, like I said, I could look there and see my wall and my stuff but it just seemed like farming fields, like if I didn't question it thats what would be there. Sort of like Id have to remember it was a wall. I kept hearing in my mind stuff about "her" like, "Are you going to tell her?" I think I said that out loud at one point. It felt like there were other people in the room with me. Very strange, because I knew it was just me and I was alone, but it was if these other people being there was totally normal and natural. I felt one distinct female presence (the "her" I kept feeling like everything was centered around) and a male presence as well, and maybe another, weaker female. It seemed like the main "her" was "me" although saying it that way doesnt make sense. Maybe these were peices of my ego that sort of took on a conciousness or something, because they didnt feel alien to me at all, or evil or anything, they felt totally normal as if thats how every day of my life had been.
At some point I became very annoyed with the music and turned it off, only to miss it and want to turn it back on. I was still very aware of my surroundings and not tripping very hard. Its strange, at the time I didn't feel like I was tripping but now that I look back it seems really weird! The whole time in my head I remember being dissapointed because I wanted to run with it, but the stuff I have doesnt seem strong enough to do much.
I started to come down from the weirdness a little, and I packed another big bowl. I hit it with my torch lighter and took it all in, held it. The I did another bowl, and as I was packing that one, god..so weird. I'm not even sure how to explain that one. Mild visual stuff, weird lines around my hand, the lighter, the bong. I sort of heard voices but not actual ones out loud but in my head, saying something I cant remember, but seeming like it was enticing me to smoke more. It was more than just seeing weird lines, these lines were the voices and they were connecting me to what I was going to smoke. There literally is no way of explaining that in a way it makes sense.
I blew out the first big hit and then took this second one, and sat there, holding it. It seemed like, a girl left the room. I had more of the feeling of the question "Are we going to tell her?" for a second and then, my biggest WTF moment, the definite peak of my trip, the closest I came to breaking through:
For a good minute or so, I just became totally, WTF (best way of putting it). I was sitting there, holding the bong on the edge of the bed, and like I said, the girl left the room. She was like me, she was ME, but..had on gray sweatpants of some sort and a white shirt and shorter hair. She ran out. I didn't see her run out and nothing changed physically but I knew she did. And I was sitting there, thinking I was doing something. This part is very hard to explain. It was like...I did something, I know I did something. Wait what is it? What is this??? And I looked at my hands and I had this thing, (the bong) and I was just..totally confused. I no longer knew what a bong was, and what my hands were and everything seemed like this big strange joke and I just started laughing. I remember keeping on thinking that the bong had something to do with me cooking in a kitchen, and I was supposed to make "her" dinner and why did she leave without dinner, but then Id stop and say "no thats not what this is" "What is this? Whats going on?" over and over. And the whole thing I couldn't put my finger on was that Id smoked salvia and was tripping, but the fact that Id forgotton was this big joke, and me and the male and female presence giggled over it together and the other female presence was still outside the room and for whatever reason it all kept going back to dinner and making food and it seemed like this other female presence wanted me to make dinner.
I started to come down from that a little, and remembered what a bong was again. I packed another big bowl, except sadly, my torch lighter died. I found a normal lighter and just used that (worked the same btw).
This time, I laid back on the bed and instead of the presences being in the room with me it was more I was looking at them. They seemed like a family, a male and two females. I was laying on my back, back sort of arched as if I was looking above me. They showed me in this land, everyone does "this".
"This" seemed perfectly understandable to me then, or its meaning, but the only way I can describe it now is..popsicle sticks. If we all had the ability to split into a million popsicle sticks. Well their entire universe was that. The roads were splitting into popsicle sticks, everything, forever and ever was worming and splitting apart in these sticks. The people were made of splitting apart sticks, and the primary colors were these weird snaky greens and reds, sort of a scaly green and red with spatters of darker colors. But they seemed like normal people to me and the popsicle stick splitting thing "doing this" was normal and that was how they lived. They told me all this by looking at me. I wanted to stay in this popsicle stick world forever, it seemed beautiful and euphoric to me and I remember feeling sad and trying to cling on when I began fading back to "reality". I feel like the male and two female presences stayed there in popsicle stick world, waving at me as I left. The female was yelling to eat something, once again, telling me why wasn't I making food. (I have no idea why, I ate a big dinner and wasn't hungry at all before tripping)
As I began to come down I felt pretty normal almost right away. The only difference was I was very hungry all the sudden. I also felt dizzy.
The entire trip I felt motion sick, which is weird and something I never experienced before. I felt euphoric and good, besides that feeling of being motion sick. I still feel sort of dizzy now, actually. And not quite "right" in my body.
This time with salvia really turned me on to it. I feel like I got a glimpse of what everyone is talking about, although I really couldnt imagine it being scary at all. The closest I came to breaking through, when I forgot I had smoked and didnt know what smoking was or what I was, was very enjoyable. It was like forgetting who I was was this wonderful, funny thing. I want to explore more ego dissolving, hopefully I can accomplish that at higher extracts. The presences didn't feel mocking or mean at all to me. They felt loving, like they wanted me there and wanted to show me things.
The other weird thing is I had NO body sensations this time. Other times I felt hot, I felt my awareness split, I felt like my body was being ripped apart by a big gear. This time, nothing. The entire trip was very mental, besides that mild spinning feeling. This was also my first trip completely sober (alcohol the last time and the first time I ever did it, alcohol and pot). I wonder if that makes a difference in the body trip vs mental trip.
Now I'm feeling really relaxed, and sort of sleepy, in fact I think I'll sleep quite good tonight.
I'm for sure going to pick up some 15-20x salvia and try tripping alone with it again, similar environment. It seems there is a lot of room for experimentation here. I cannot believe the range of what can happen with this stuff. Its by far the most interesting and weird substance Ive ever taken.
I'll post all this in trip reports too if it was even a little interesting. I wish I could explain it better, it was so much weirder than I had words for!
