I've extracted DMT several times now, but I feel like I'm still too anxious to dive in fully. Every time I've tried it I've made the mistake of stopping once the rush hits me instead of smoking more than I need. Even though I've extracted probably about 10g of the substance over the course of my relationship with it I've smoked it roughly 20 times in total, preferring to give away or sell most of what I've made. Aside from one experience, the times I have smoked it have been very sub-breakthrough (I close my eyes and I'm somewhere else, and something like the oft-described entities are dancing with each other in front of my eyes and showing me indescribable ever-shifting objects, but I can still hear music from this world and the trip produces insights relevant to my situation in life which I can reflect on while still tripping. My ego is present.)
The one experience I've had that surpassed the above description was during the course of the largest and last extraction I've undertaken. A friend had paid for the upfront costs and was awaiting his return which he would be selling. I was at the apartment of someone I'd met at a music festival the previous summer, and he wanted me to run an even larger operation for him, obviously seeing dollar signs. I'd already explained how he could do it himself but he was more interested in using the experience I had than trying to do it on his own. The whole "producing DMT en masse for people who are going to sell it" thing was not very comfortable for me and I'd never been to his place before but still we smoked some changa together on his couch. I'd basically done what I always have and stopped short of a breakthrough and he noticed and encouraged me very vigorously to "smoke, smoke come on smoke" etc. This was in a language in which the word smoke sounds even more ugly. Still I took a few more pulls and laid down, him still urging me to smoke.
The word dominated my trip, and aside from an ever-intensifying warping of the music he had playing and the visual sensation of staring down the centre of a vortex that was being ripped through everything in my visual field (I have no idea if my eyes were open or closed) the only thing that existed was the insistence that I "smoke". The word began to mean more and more. "Smoke", it became the verbal representation of everything that was vile about me: my shortcomings, my failures, my addictions, and my implicit acquiescence to what these things were doing to me. Smoke. All of this rang with every repetition of the word as it echoed through my mind. It dared me to challenge it and knew that I wouldn't. Smoke. I wanted it to be over but every time I felt a moment pass the trip started over again at twice the speed. Smoke. As I began to come down I had visions of smashing the jars of DMT I had at home and explaining to my other friend that I'd have to pay him back. As soon as the trip was finished I made some excuse and got out of there.
Anyway, I was pressured and not in a good headspace and I've since fixed a lot of the things that made that trip such a nightmare (I've quit smoking for one, heh). I finished the extraction and gave my friend his share, we're even now (I didn't mention before but I owed him quite a bit more than what he gave me to fund the extraction because he was also my dealer and I had a bad stim habit then, something I've also quit). I did feel uneasy because the guy with whom I took the trip above probably expected me to go forward with the huge scale thing he wanted me to do, but we ran into each other at another festival this summer and everything was cool. The loose ends are tied and I have a gram left over from the extraction, half freebase and half changa.
I want to take it at my own pace but whenever I even think about the subject I get a lot of fight-or-flight type anxiety and I find it hard to continue. I want to explore deeper into what seems to be an incredible substance (in fact to experience DMT has been a goal of mine since I heard about it in high school, I'm 22 now). I'm hoping changa will be amenable to that, and I can just smoke more of it little by little like wading into a pool and eventually dip my head into hyperspace, rather than plunging off the 100m freebase highdive. I'm definitely going to smoke some small amounts of it to get used to the sensation because I haven't tried DMT for a few months at least. But another side of me is saying that I should just torch as much as I can as quickly as I can and just get there. I have enough reservations about that that I typed this whole thing though which brings me to my point which is asking you fine people if you have any advice or words of wisdom/encouragement?
The one experience I've had that surpassed the above description was during the course of the largest and last extraction I've undertaken. A friend had paid for the upfront costs and was awaiting his return which he would be selling. I was at the apartment of someone I'd met at a music festival the previous summer, and he wanted me to run an even larger operation for him, obviously seeing dollar signs. I'd already explained how he could do it himself but he was more interested in using the experience I had than trying to do it on his own. The whole "producing DMT en masse for people who are going to sell it" thing was not very comfortable for me and I'd never been to his place before but still we smoked some changa together on his couch. I'd basically done what I always have and stopped short of a breakthrough and he noticed and encouraged me very vigorously to "smoke, smoke come on smoke" etc. This was in a language in which the word smoke sounds even more ugly. Still I took a few more pulls and laid down, him still urging me to smoke.
The word dominated my trip, and aside from an ever-intensifying warping of the music he had playing and the visual sensation of staring down the centre of a vortex that was being ripped through everything in my visual field (I have no idea if my eyes were open or closed) the only thing that existed was the insistence that I "smoke". The word began to mean more and more. "Smoke", it became the verbal representation of everything that was vile about me: my shortcomings, my failures, my addictions, and my implicit acquiescence to what these things were doing to me. Smoke. All of this rang with every repetition of the word as it echoed through my mind. It dared me to challenge it and knew that I wouldn't. Smoke. I wanted it to be over but every time I felt a moment pass the trip started over again at twice the speed. Smoke. As I began to come down I had visions of smashing the jars of DMT I had at home and explaining to my other friend that I'd have to pay him back. As soon as the trip was finished I made some excuse and got out of there.
Anyway, I was pressured and not in a good headspace and I've since fixed a lot of the things that made that trip such a nightmare (I've quit smoking for one, heh). I finished the extraction and gave my friend his share, we're even now (I didn't mention before but I owed him quite a bit more than what he gave me to fund the extraction because he was also my dealer and I had a bad stim habit then, something I've also quit). I did feel uneasy because the guy with whom I took the trip above probably expected me to go forward with the huge scale thing he wanted me to do, but we ran into each other at another festival this summer and everything was cool. The loose ends are tied and I have a gram left over from the extraction, half freebase and half changa.
I want to take it at my own pace but whenever I even think about the subject I get a lot of fight-or-flight type anxiety and I find it hard to continue. I want to explore deeper into what seems to be an incredible substance (in fact to experience DMT has been a goal of mine since I heard about it in high school, I'm 22 now). I'm hoping changa will be amenable to that, and I can just smoke more of it little by little like wading into a pool and eventually dip my head into hyperspace, rather than plunging off the 100m freebase highdive. I'm definitely going to smoke some small amounts of it to get used to the sensation because I haven't tried DMT for a few months at least. But another side of me is saying that I should just torch as much as I can as quickly as I can and just get there. I have enough reservations about that that I typed this whole thing though which brings me to my point which is asking you fine people if you have any advice or words of wisdom/encouragement?
