Ok, a question about mushies...
I've heard a lot here about people using mushies to overcome anxiety/depression and want to know more about this, as basically the complete opposite happened to me when I tried them.
I suppose I'm looking for advice on whether they just aren't for me, or if there is a way I can turn the experience I had with them around...
Some background, the first time I tried them I didn't get much effect at all, basically just felt heavy like I was on MD, not being experienced with them though I thought this was how they felt.
So the second time (months later) I ate a few more, I didn't weigh them but there were about five small ones, maybe a pile a quarter of the size of my palm. I got them off a very experienced tripper and that was about half of what he recommended I take. I chewed and swallowed them.
I was sitting in a hotel room with my best friends. Previous to taking the mushrooms I'd probably spent about 12 hours on maybe 2.5 points of speed.
30mins after taking them I started feeling panicky. I can't describe it in any other way except to say that everything seemed strange. I had the feeling of being at the brink of something terrifying. I'd done a lot of reading about trips and such beforehand so tried to keep calm, honestly my mind was pretty cool with it all, it was just such a seemingly uncontrollable body reaction to absolutely panic.
I was trying as hard as I could to just go along with it and try and enjoy it, by this stage I was seeing colours and lines around everything, and when I looked at my friend his eyes moved to the side of his head like he was an alien. I was freaking out looking at him because he'd taken his mushies after me and I was so scared for him, knowing what he was in for. Although I tried as hard as I could to relax into it and go along for the ride, I just couldn't calm down. I was terrified.
He ended up having seemingly a worse reaction than me and had to be fetched a few times from the hallway where he was siting crying in front of other people's doorways.
After it wore off I was shaken but proud of myself, I thought since I'd handled that experience I could do anything.
However that was the beginning of all my trouble with anxiety. I quit all drugs about two months later because every time I'd come up on speed or MDMA the loss of control reminded me of the mushrooms, and I'd panic. Like the trip, it seemed to be a totally unconscious thing. Logically, I couldn't see the sense in it, but that didn't stop the feeling!
I suffered severe anxiety for about 5 months. 10 months after the trip my nerves are still fucked. A loud noise behind me will give a STRONG rush of adrenaline. Writing this out and remembering the trip I'm sweating, shaky, my cheeks are burning, basically a really strong reaction!
Even after doing lots of searching I'm unsure what this anxiety is all about. I'm much better at controlling it now, but something has changed. In a way, I feel like I'll need to revisit mushrooms to fully understand and finally get rid of my anxiety. I feel like there's unfinished business there.
Sorry this is so long. Really after some opinions on whether I could have a good experience on mushies or whether they're just not for me? Seeing my friend also had such a bad experience I'm wondering if it was something to do with the batch. Is that possible? Basically, I want to have one of those experiences that change your life for the better! HOW do you do this?!
