Me and AMT
As some of you know, I have some problems with my drugs consumption. Even though I managed to stay more or less on track in my life since I started to use again after rehab, I noticed how it got me into bad situations. Going at work on hangover, smoking weed before work, not helping at home, not working on myself and my behavior, etc. I had a mental intoxication when I decided to acquire 1000mg of AMT. A stimulating euphoric anti-depressive long-lasting psychedelic, uh? It seemed like a good candidate to toy around with.
I tried it at 5, 10, 30 (+20 booster), 75, 80 mg and possibly another dosage. I used it orally for the first three weeks and then I administered 80mg rectally. Everything went fine. The euphoria in my body (especially in arms and hands) was very enjoyable. The visuals could get really deep, thought they lacked meaning. It was quite sedative and a bit dissociative like 2C-E. It was hard to focus on playing a video game. 5 mg was probably my favorite experience with it, it was subtle, without psychedelic qualities, giving me a pleasant little warmth in the stomach. I would often thought repetitively how good I was feeling.
I can't say I loved it so much at higher dosage because of its side effects. As I am coming up, reaching the peak, my eyes start hurting as if I was tired. And god, I hated the head pressure. It is mentioned in Shulgin book in one of the report. It didn't hurt or anything, but it was annoying. I got a similar effect from 2C-E but it was less strong and that was last year.
Overall, I would got bored pretty fast and end up smoking weed every hour to keep me cool and going. It was half way the ride and I wanted it to stop. Not that it sucked, I would still enjoy the body high and state in general. Now I was wondering if anyone can relate to those side effects? I have been thinking that it could be that I am somewhat in need of a long period of recovery because my brain is a bit burned. Like you mentioned samadhi, abuse can lead to possible long-term receptor changes, monoamine depletion, neurotoxicity and other unknown problems. It scares me, especially since I became aware that my drugs experience has lost most of its magic. Body effects, impressions and thoughts leave me with the insight that my spiritual progress and happiness depends on my capacity to achieve abstinence.
I trashed my AMT this week. The following day I was given a test: I received a second batch of IT-290. I must have hesitated a bit, but I flushed it immediately. It was the best thing I could do. I had regrets this week-end as well as minor cravings... when the pulsion of addiction fills me, I try to remember that I trashed a lot of drugs and that I had and still have good reasons to stay away from this fucking shit.