The April getting/staying sober thread vs Moonwalking ( backward steps )

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

13 days without booze today. I've actually cut my use of everything right down and my sleeping and eating patterns are suffering. But I've been productive and gotten back into exercising every night

 

[spork]

^Awesome. I'm on my 9th day without it. I almost caved last night, but managed to get through it. Next step is benzos, which I have to admit I'm completely terrified of tapering off of.

 

[Sepher]

Still quietly tagging along in the thread. Not to get too ahead of myself but only a few days left then it's month two down. It's been a weird old month with some low blows but no urge to let them be a poor excuse to get drunk. Much easier dealing with them with some emotional equanimity being sober, it's cool. No desire for a drink, at all, it's all good.

 

[ad lib]

13 days without booze today. I've actually cut my use of everything right down and my sleeping and eating patterns are suffering. But I've been productive and gotten back into exercising every night

^Awesome. I'm on my 9th day without it. I almost caved last night, but managed to get through it. Next step is benzos, which I have to admit I'm completely terrified of tapering off of.

Still quietly tagging along in the thread. Not to get too ahead of myself but only a few days left then it's month two down. It's been a weird old month with some low blows but no urge to let them be a poor excuse to get drunk. Much easier dealing with them with some emotional equanimity being sober, it's cool. No desire for a drink, at all, it's all good.

I notice a trend- and that trend is that we are all awesome and stronger than our addictions, and no where near alone.

 

[Woodsong]

Well, I'm three months off the buprenorphine now... It's been a crazy fucking ride, I'll say that.

Admittedly, I've had two one-day slips with oxy in that time. The first time I think I was too messed up on Xanax to really be able to differentiate between the two chemicals. The second time however was earlier this week, was only oxy alone, and that really messed with my head because it had been so long since I've actually gotten high, and I mean high, off of opiates. 90mg... All I could think in between nods was, "Sweet, merciful, mother of God, I'd forgotten..." Dangerous territory. Very dangerous. I've never had a worse comedown in my life, and the next day the desire for more was a constant all-encompassing need like nothing I've ever felt in the past... Thankfully it didn't last long, and I'd really rather not risk being thrown back into that very dark place again.

Hell though, I probably needed a firm whack on the nose...

The one physical symptom that seems to refuse to go away is the pain in my legs. It's nothing so bad as the RLS from acute withdrawal, but damn it gets annoying at times. I've laid off the Xanax as well. In hindsight, I think that was ultimately just making the mental aspects that much worse, but it's getting better now. I think my coming appointment with my psychiatrist on Monday will be my last... Talking about things seems to do more harm than good, at least in that setting, because I know my words only serve to him prescribing me something. Which I don't need anymore...

 

[Timber]

13 days without booze today. I've actually cut my use of everything right down and my sleeping and eating patterns are suffering. But I've been productive and gotten back into exercising every night

That is awesome.

 

[adam west]

That is awesome.

i agree, its great to see so many people doing well with things

 

[aliencowstorm]

Day 8 started with waking up after 8 hours of sleep! Hell yeah! I've got no expectations for the day and I feel just fine.

 

[maniquan]

Conrats to everyone who is celebrating even a minute of clean time away from the slavery of chemical dependence. I really love this thread and I think it's great we have a place to go where we can vent, laugh, cry and share our experience with those who may struggle with the same issues in life as ourselves. I know it's only an online community but for some people it's easier to let loose on a place like this rather than at a meeting, with a sponsor, etc. I'm not saying that an online forum is a substitute for real human companionship or working steps but it is just one extra tool in our bag to help us cope with those rough times. I'm beginning to realize how few coping skills I've really ever had to deal with life on it's own terms. Like sometimes I'll just have this moment of realizing something about myself or the world that I thought I understood but truly never grasped. It's an awesome feeling to have the "AHA!" moment where you see how you were negatively affecting your own life, repeating destructive patterns and then discover the way to help/fix the problem. I've always like bluelight because the users on this forum always seemed a bit more interesting than the average bear. It's difficult for me to relate to others in my recovery community because I feel like they are so shallow or mundane. This certainly doesn't apply to everyone and maybe it's simply because being on here gives one a chance to be anonymous but it seems that the honesty and openness reaches a whole 'nother level. Anyway, having a pretty good day, going to the beach then to work out a bit. Hope everyone else has a great day, stay strong!

 

[Serotonin101]

^i love the BL and use it as a special tool that the majority of recovery people don't have. its awesome. I usually promote it a bit when I celebrate clean time. but yes, the complete anonymity thing helps a lot with honesty and allows a medium for us to unload and "be us" to the fullest without repercussions. its something I plan to stay involved with.

woke up to the most beautiful girl. did some chores. now enjoying a cig

 

[RedLeader]

^ She spent the night? Oh boy! And did you kiss her right after her eyes opened? Did she say "Oh Sero, no...My morning breath stinks!"? And did you say "Shh, it is nearly as good as the breakfast I have cooking for you!"?

Day 45 off heroin for me. I have had a few days with kratom and have been smoking weed, but nothing that feels destructive. Almost time for May...

May..be next time, I'll just have a water
May I buy you a non-alcoholic drink?
May poppy flowers are still in the fields because we quit the opies!
May flowers to be found in ferelkitten's hair
Mayday! I am stuck on a boat full of drunk people!
May'tes down under always have one more day clean than me!
May'ting calls of the humans: "Hi, I'm Sero!"

 

[Sepher]

^ She spent the night? Oh boy! And did you kiss her right after her eyes opened? Did she say "Oh Sero, no...My morning breath stinks!"? And did you say "Shh, it is nearly as good as the breakfast I have cooking for you!"?

Smooth RL, too, too smooth you silver-tongued devil you. I'm taking copious notes should I ever get a girlie to sleep with me again. She calls me Sero though she's done, I'm kicking her right out of bed. That guy gets everywhere!

May'ting calls of the humans: "Hi, I'm Sero!"

Hahahahahahaha! That sounds far too straightforward to be much of a mating call but maybe that's all he needs? Sure seems to be a hit with the girlies anyways. Naughty Serotonin.

'Grats on 45 days RL. You sound a lot more positive of late. Good to see. Day 60 for me, zero booze. April's in the bag!

 

[spork]

OMG RL, I almost just spit out all my coffee lol. I needed an early morning laugh, thank you!

 

[ad lib]

Yay Sepher!! Congrats on your 60 days!!

Edit: I just realized on May 3 I'm going to hit my 60 day mark! Omg!

 

[usedtobe]

I used to have 12 years clean and now I can't get a day. I am starting a quick 3 day sub detox off heroin today. This is my last chance. Can someone reply so I know I have support? I feel so alone, I am so scared. I just joined bluelight and don't really know how it works. I just know I need a friend.

 

[usedtobe]

Can anyone help me...please

 

[ad lib]

I used to have 12 years clean and now I can't get a day. I am starting a quick 3 day sub detox off heroin today. This is my last chance. Can someone reply so I know I have support? I feel so alone, I am so scared. I just joined bluelight and don't really know how it works. I just know I need a friend.

You certainly have support here Were a great supportive community. Tell us more about yourself so we can know you a bit better? What is your DOC? What triggers you to use? Are you ready to become sober?

 

[usedtobe]

I am a 50 year old woman shooting heroin. I disgust myself. I feel like I am going to lose eveything anyway so what's the point. But I have a young daughter and I cannot lose her. All I want is to be sober and a mother to her. I hate myself now.

 

[ad lib]

You mentioned you were sober for 12 years earlier, how did you do that?

 

[adam west]

I am a 50 year old woman shooting heroin. I disgust myself. I feel like I am going to lose eveything anyway so what's the point. But I have a young daughter and I cannot lose her. All I want is to be sober and a mother to her. I hate myself now.

do you have any help from the health authorities?
you also answered your own question

what's the point

I have a young daughter and I cannot lose her