Sadie
Bluelight Crew
Stee, please contact me ASAP!
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The ANGRY thread v4
- Thread starter Cloudie
- Start date
steewith2ees
Bluelight Crew
Morning folks
I'm really sorry and embarrassed about my stupidity yesterday and that I thought it appropriate to make a post like that. It's not in the spirit of the role I've been given here, it was reckless and immature to react like that and unbecoming of someone who is supposed to at least acknowledge methods of harm reduction in their drug use, not make 'wo is me' comments that blatantly include stupid drug practices. I couldn't give a fuck about the money, I was just very frightened and sick of the fact that as a drug user I'm a second class citizen when it comes to protection from LEF, as for obvious reasons I could not report the offense and I'm sure if I had the police would have correctly pointed out that it was my own fault for buying drugs off the street.
I not only score from this particular area of Wolverhampton, but I have lived there for 5 years prior to my relapse, with my ex partner. To now not feel safe in an area which I actually have other legitimate reasons to be in other than scoring drugs is frustrating, I cannot use any of the local pubs in my village following last autumns polava and following yesterdays episode I just don't want to leave the house at all now. It's like the little spit of world that I still had some place in has shrunk even further than it did before.
But these are all ultimately semantics which still give me no excuse to make stupid childish and pathetic posts like that which, after reading the above and the lovely PM's I received has obviously been a concern for some members for which I cannot apologise enough. I've caused enough problems for myself over the years and dumping shit like this on other members that may have caused genuine upset is inexcusable and for this I will never be able to apologise enough.
Thankyou for all the supportive posts, waking up to these comments is the first genuine objective reassurance since my heads started to reassemble itself. If you have been following my posts , you may have picked up on the fact that I have for the first time in a while, purchased heroin on 2 consecutive weeks, and considering that I have had the best lid on this shit for years my greed has obviously allowed karma to take it's course and is now an obvious indicator that I should give it a proper miss for a while now, especially considering how I got away with yesterdays pathetic behaviour alive, well and with half a gram left which should do for the weekend once all yesterdays shit is finally out of my system and my hand starts killing again.
Sometimes there is little to cling onto for me to remain motivated to do anything but reading all of the above supportive posts is more than I deserve for today in order to just get up and carry on, as it feels good to know that people genuinely care, which is only offset by the guilt I feel for making certain folk upset and concerned. As a result, the next time I decide to have an existential crises following a personal disaster I'll dump it on the Samaritans as a pose to on here, where I'm supposed to be providing support as a pose to relying on that of others.
Much love to everyone who has contributed to this thread since yesterdays display and to those who have sent me PM's - i'll get back to each and every one of you before the weekend is out, just bear with me as it's slow typing with only one hand.
My apologies to everyone.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Stee
I'm really sorry and embarrassed about my stupidity yesterday and that I thought it appropriate to make a post like that. It's not in the spirit of the role I've been given here, it was reckless and immature to react like that and unbecoming of someone who is supposed to at least acknowledge methods of harm reduction in their drug use, not make 'wo is me' comments that blatantly include stupid drug practices. I couldn't give a fuck about the money, I was just very frightened and sick of the fact that as a drug user I'm a second class citizen when it comes to protection from LEF, as for obvious reasons I could not report the offense and I'm sure if I had the police would have correctly pointed out that it was my own fault for buying drugs off the street.
I not only score from this particular area of Wolverhampton, but I have lived there for 5 years prior to my relapse, with my ex partner. To now not feel safe in an area which I actually have other legitimate reasons to be in other than scoring drugs is frustrating, I cannot use any of the local pubs in my village following last autumns polava and following yesterdays episode I just don't want to leave the house at all now. It's like the little spit of world that I still had some place in has shrunk even further than it did before.
But these are all ultimately semantics which still give me no excuse to make stupid childish and pathetic posts like that which, after reading the above and the lovely PM's I received has obviously been a concern for some members for which I cannot apologise enough. I've caused enough problems for myself over the years and dumping shit like this on other members that may have caused genuine upset is inexcusable and for this I will never be able to apologise enough.
Thankyou for all the supportive posts, waking up to these comments is the first genuine objective reassurance since my heads started to reassemble itself. If you have been following my posts , you may have picked up on the fact that I have for the first time in a while, purchased heroin on 2 consecutive weeks, and considering that I have had the best lid on this shit for years my greed has obviously allowed karma to take it's course and is now an obvious indicator that I should give it a proper miss for a while now, especially considering how I got away with yesterdays pathetic behaviour alive, well and with half a gram left which should do for the weekend once all yesterdays shit is finally out of my system and my hand starts killing again.
Sometimes there is little to cling onto for me to remain motivated to do anything but reading all of the above supportive posts is more than I deserve for today in order to just get up and carry on, as it feels good to know that people genuinely care, which is only offset by the guilt I feel for making certain folk upset and concerned. As a result, the next time I decide to have an existential crises following a personal disaster I'll dump it on the Samaritans as a pose to on here, where I'm supposed to be providing support as a pose to relying on that of others.
Much love to everyone who has contributed to this thread since yesterdays display and to those who have sent me PM's - i'll get back to each and every one of you before the weekend is out, just bear with me as it's slow typing with only one hand.
My apologies to everyone.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxStee
consumer
Bluelighter
Just great to hear everything is ok somewhat. Take care bro. You are much loved, i take an invaluable help to your father and things in your life will improve. Try not to insulate yourself from the world. Get out of the house when you feel comfortable to do so. Dont let the bastards win.
steewith2ees
Bluelight Crew
Thnx mate I appreciate every word dude
xx
xxMate, please don't feel bad - we all have moments of existential crisis, and if bluelight is here for one thing (besides the obvious "harm reduction") - it is support from likeminded people.
That support - and sense of community - is a very important aspect of HR in itself.
Please don't beat yourself up or blame yourself for what happened - it wasn't your fault, and self-flaggelation will not make anything in this awful situation better.
You may be able to use it as some kind of reinforcement not to score in dodgy circumstances like that - but attributing the blame onto yourself as some kind of moral failing is being completely unfair on yourself.
You've been through - you're going through - enough.
No need to stick the boot in to yourself while you're having a rough trot.
I hope the damage to your hand isn't too serious (how deep is the cut? Did it slice your fingers? Restricted movement at all?) just as i hope the damage to your sense of safety and wellbeing hasn't been too compromised by all of this.
Folks reacted with great concern because we care about you mate - not because we're angry at you for letting your emotions slip into a post.
It's scary to read things like that - but it's also very relieving to know you're still with us, back posting today.
I can only speak for myself, but i don't think anyone would (or could) hold it against you for expressing dark thoughts.
Hell, i'm more concerned when people don't talk about serious things that are troubling them.
Don't feel guilty; cut yourself some slack mate.
I'm sorry to hear about what happened - getting robbed and knifed sounds pretty fucking traumatic.
On the other hand, i'm very glad to see your name pop up today, active and posting.
You're a good man - try not to let the fucking scumbags of this world get to you.
If you ever need to talk, bluelight is a good place to start - and if the dark clouds are ever gathering above your head and you need to talk to someone who understands the harsh realities of life, of isolation and battles with addiction - i'm only a PM away.
I'll give you my email address too.
Just take care, and realise that plenty of people here most certainly do care about you - and worry when you're clearly going through some horrible shit.
Hope the hand heals up quick-smart, and that you can walk down the street without shame, fear of judgement or threat to your physical safety.
Take care stee, you're a good egg mate
That support - and sense of community - is a very important aspect of HR in itself.
Please don't beat yourself up or blame yourself for what happened - it wasn't your fault, and self-flaggelation will not make anything in this awful situation better.
You may be able to use it as some kind of reinforcement not to score in dodgy circumstances like that - but attributing the blame onto yourself as some kind of moral failing is being completely unfair on yourself.
You've been through - you're going through - enough.
No need to stick the boot in to yourself while you're having a rough trot.
I hope the damage to your hand isn't too serious (how deep is the cut? Did it slice your fingers? Restricted movement at all?) just as i hope the damage to your sense of safety and wellbeing hasn't been too compromised by all of this.
Folks reacted with great concern because we care about you mate - not because we're angry at you for letting your emotions slip into a post.
It's scary to read things like that - but it's also very relieving to know you're still with us, back posting today.
I can only speak for myself, but i don't think anyone would (or could) hold it against you for expressing dark thoughts.
Hell, i'm more concerned when people don't talk about serious things that are troubling them.
Don't feel guilty; cut yourself some slack mate.
I'm sorry to hear about what happened - getting robbed and knifed sounds pretty fucking traumatic.
On the other hand, i'm very glad to see your name pop up today, active and posting.
You're a good man - try not to let the fucking scumbags of this world get to you.
If you ever need to talk, bluelight is a good place to start - and if the dark clouds are ever gathering above your head and you need to talk to someone who understands the harsh realities of life, of isolation and battles with addiction - i'm only a PM away.
I'll give you my email address too.
Just take care, and realise that plenty of people here most certainly do care about you - and worry when you're clearly going through some horrible shit.
Hope the hand heals up quick-smart, and that you can walk down the street without shame, fear of judgement or threat to your physical safety.
Take care stee, you're a good egg mate
steewith2ees
Bluelight Crew
cheers sj again my reply to consumer applies to all 4 corners of ur post and everything in-between
xxx
xxx
consumer
Bluelighter
I wish i could have been as eloquent as SJ but every word he wrote is true. You are loved. You are not at fault. Get that hand looked at if you judge it needs it and feel free to drop me a pm any time. I have been to some dark places myself. The key is to find the little bits of light and hold onto them and gradually things improve. You are loved by many here and as i said your dad no doubt loves and needs you very much. Things will get better but dont lock yourself in your room. Its the worst possible thing. When you are ready get out and about. Fuck the scumbags. Dont let them take away your freedom.
Sadie
Bluelight Crew
Stee, everyone feels that way from time to time. You were understandably upset. It's okay to be upset. If I could only ask one favour of yourself and others is to let people know before they act upon anything, not after.
I wouldn't mix up your role as a moderator with the realities of life. You are not some emotionless super hero and anyone who thinks you should be is very much mistaken.
It's early and I'm rambling. Im just so happy you're okay.
P.S. Sort your FB and reply!!! ;-)
I love you Stee, stay strong you wonderful bastard
I wouldn't mix up your role as a moderator with the realities of life. You are not some emotionless super hero and anyone who thinks you should be is very much mistaken.
It's early and I'm rambling. Im just so happy you're okay.
P.S. Sort your FB and reply!!! ;-)
I love you Stee, stay strong you wonderful bastard
steewith2ees
Bluelight Crew
Cheers Sadie I'm like a sponge this morning with regards to the replies I have received so rest assured every word is being taken on board xx
Nice to see that your alright Stee - as said above don't stress about your post the main thing is that your OK. If your hand's are messed up get them checked out today, just to make sure that no real damage has been done.
I'll not repeat the great advice given above - but I will repeat the take care of yourself mate, your much better than these scumbags so don't let them get the better of you.
Bear
I'll not repeat the great advice given above - but I will repeat the take care of yourself mate, your much better than these scumbags so don't let them get the better of you.
Bear
Sadie
Bluelight Crew
Sorry for the ambiguous post but......
Fucking pisses me the fuck off when you're accused of something over an over and over again that you didn't do. I'm now very seriously thinking about doing what I've been accused of. Fuck it. I've got nothing to lose if I'm already thought guilty of it in the first place.
Those who know me know damn well I don't gossip or share other peoples information. That's not cool and only a complete cunt would do something like that. Ya know screen shots etc. The lot. Well, come one come all, I might break and just say and do every damn thing I've been accused of doing. This should be fun. xx
Phew, Glad thats out of my system!
Fucking pisses me the fuck off when you're accused of something over an over and over again that you didn't do. I'm now very seriously thinking about doing what I've been accused of. Fuck it. I've got nothing to lose if I'm already thought guilty of it in the first place.
Those who know me know damn well I don't gossip or share other peoples information. That's not cool and only a complete cunt would do something like that. Ya know screen shots etc. The lot. Well, come one come all, I might break and just say and do every damn thing I've been accused of doing. This should be fun. xx
Phew, Glad thats out of my system!
Bella Figura
Bluelight Crew
That sort of thinking led me to shooting up speedballs and almost dying in the process...
Whatever it is you're thinking of doing, may I suggest not stooping down to the level of whatever shitcunt you're dealing with.
Sadie
Bluelight Crew
I'm not gonna shoot up speedballs but you're right, that would put me down to their level. But seriously, what do I have to lose? My morals? So I finally do snap and do all the things I'm accused of doing..... If I'm already accused of it I might as well give them what they want. For everyone to see that they were right all along. That they finally have some sort of make believe justice.
I'm mulling it over.
I suppose no matter if I do or don't the moral of the story is, Don't accuse people of things they didn't do and don't fuck over a good person. Just because I don't play the gossip game doesn't mean I can't be pushed into the game of truth, as written.
I'm mulling it over.
I suppose no matter if I do or don't the moral of the story is, Don't accuse people of things they didn't do and don't fuck over a good person. Just because I don't play the gossip game doesn't mean I can't be pushed into the game of truth, as written.
Bella Figura
Bluelight Crew
Well, if you're falsely accused of something, speak out. Don't take shit from people.
Don Luigi
Bluelight Crew
Don Luigi
Bluelight Crew
Is ladydove gonna have to choke a bitch? 
What went wrong? A few weeks ago you wanted to ride her
What went wrong? A few weeks ago you wanted to ride her
Is ladydove gonna have to choke a bitch?
What went wrong? A few weeks ago you wanted to ride her
Isn't that how it usually goes? Riding then beating?
She moved out
Now I'm really sad because I'm stuck with the other witch who is looking a wee choke. And not the loving kind!