TDS The 2024 Suicide Support Group

[Jabberwocky]

I feel a whole lot better, thank you for asking, i hope that you feel alright or good also.

ADD? Not sure. I was in an inpatient care when i was younger. Told the doc that "I think i might have ADD. And since i am sentenced here locked up for 3 months due to thought crimes, can we test the ADD thing?" Doc said that "ADD is something which junkies have made up in order to get drugs legally." His exact words. So i was like, cool, really professional and caring attitude, thanks for hearing me.

Yeah, TV is damn stupid alright. We get like 22 or so channels for free here. Channel A) Most beautiful wedding cakes of America. Channel B) Drunk cheaters doing shallow crap on some island. Channel C) Most beautiful wedding cakes of Australia. Channel D) Evening news (There are no NEWs, they are OLDs. Corona kills everyone, be afraid. Someone slaughtered many people somewhere. Flood. War. Famine. Genocide. Here is Tommy with the weather (and then a forecast which never becomes reality) like i need that shit? or commercials? Nope. TV is a tool of the elites to use mind control mechanisms on the sheep. I am brainwashed also, but i choose the washing mechanism. Which is music videos.

UFC i can understand, though. I don't like to watch it, but they are professional athletes, there are rules, it is not a drunken brawl in a bar. I watch ice hockey when Finland is playing. One dude once said to me online, that ice hockey is for beer drinking Neanderthals. Quite accurate actually

Hi, i had a very scary day, psychosis and panic attack, i tried so hard to hide it bc i was on the street...
thats insane. You must live somewhere that ppl abuse prescriptions alot, or your doc was a bit confused... but ive heard similar stuff, had a doc who said bipolar is not real
Oh man u should see latin american tv, its the most depressinv shit, kinda resembles the state of a third world country
So u live in finland? lol i miss finland

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hi, i had a very scary day, psychosis and panic attack, i tried so hard to hide it bc i was on the street...
thats insane. You must live somewhere that ppl abuse prescriptions alot, or your doc was a bit confused... but ive heard similar stuff, had a doc who said bipolar is not real
Oh man u should see latin american tv, its the most depressinv shit, kinda resembles the state of a third world country
So u live in finland? lol i miss finland

Oh no, scary day? Fear, being scared is maybe the worst emotion (Because i murdered the hatred within me about 10 years ago, because one of us had to die, me or my hatred) But fear... oh no! It leads me to do stupid shit to get rid of it.

Yep, I am Finnish and i live in Finland. Where people truly abuse prescriptions A LOT!

I wish strength to you. You have been through a lot and you are still going through a lot. Have a pleasant day today, i would like that to happen.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Oh no, scary day? Fear, being scared is maybe the worst emotion (Because i murdered the hatred within me about 10 years ago, because one of us had to die, me or my hatred) But fear... oh no! It leads me to do stupid shit to get rid of it.

Yep, I am Finnish and i live in Finland. Where people truly abuse prescriptions A LOT!

I wish strength to you. You have been through a lot and you are still going through a lot. Have a pleasant day today, i would like that to happen.

Thx! it has been years since i had an attack in public, forgot how painful it was
Idk what to do today bc i would love some dope but my girl has none. Thinking of going very far away to get it. Which sucks bc im not even sick or anything, i just want it to exist

 

[Jabberwocky]

Thx! it has been years since i had an attack in public, forgot how painful it was
Idk what to do today bc i would love some dope but my girl has none. Thinking of going very far away to get it. Which sucks bc im not even sick or anything, i just want it to exist

Yeah, panic attacks are awful, that is for sure. I used to have them a lot when i was younger. But not at all anymore.

I have been sober here for 3 days. I had one small can of beer yesterday, coffee and tobacco are everyday stuff. Been doing a lot of thinking, but that is what i always do, sober or not. It is a curse actually. Overthinking.

What if you skip the dope, regarding this day? Maybe wait until "your girl" has some, or so. Dope will be there, always, in the future also. I am not really trying to make you skip it if you do not want to skip it. But if you are not "even sick or anything" well... Things sound alright to me? But i know how it is, the cravings... Even when things are relatively fine. That is usually the point when i start to mess things up. That is why i want to warn you a little bit. But you are not me, you call the shots, regarding your life

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yeah, panic attacks are awful, that is for sure. I used to have them a lot when i was younger. But not at all anymore.

I have been sober here for 3 days. I had one small can of beer yesterday, coffee and tobacco are everyday stuff. Been doing a lot of thinking, but that is what i always do, sober or not. It is a curse actually. Overthinking.

What if you skip the dope, regarding this day? Maybe wait until "your girl" has some, or so. Dope will be there, always, in the future also. I am not really trying to make you skip it if you do not want to skip it. But if you are not "even sick or anything" well... Things sound alright to me? But i know how it is, the cravings... Even when things are relatively fine. That is usually the point when i start to mess things up. That is why i want to warn you a little bit. But you are not me, you call the shots, regarding your life

Brah the attack was due to overthinking and excess caffeine, but thank fuck i got seroquel. The antidote to deep thinking lmao
yup, addicted to here aswell. My aunt said i smelled like it so now i only smoke outside XD
im about to do something crazy but good to stop thinking about dope. My dealer is a girl and woah u should see what it has done to her (she consooms it too lol) shes been doing it for 20+ years and is full of abcesses n stuff. Part of her arm looks like its rotting. I always thought that was amazing in a sick way.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Brah the attack was due to overthinking and excess caffeine, but thank fuck i got seroquel. The antidote to deep thinking lmao
yup, addicted to here aswell. My aunt said i smelled like it so now i only smoke outside XD
im about to do something crazy but good to stop thinking about dope. My dealer is a girl and woah u should see what it has done to her (she consooms it too lol) shes been doing it for 20+ years and is full of abcesses n stuff. Part of her arm looks like its rotting. I always thought that was amazing in a sick way.

Hi. I wanted to reply to you last evening, but i couldn't. I was overwhelmed. All the thinking during the day and the HUGE crush going on, towards a woman i know next to nothing about. I don't know her name. I don't know her age. I just see her every now and then around here, and then we talk. Silly. Foolish. But there is nothing i can do about it and i don't even want to, like make it stop or something. It is cool, but strange after many many years since i have felt these feelings so deeply and constantly...

How did your "something crazy" scenario go? I hope that it went just the way you planned. I have a hunch that it was not even that crazy, by my standards :D

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hi. I wanted to reply to you last evening, but i couldn't. I was overwhelmed. All the thinking during the day and the HUGE crush going on, towards a woman i know next to nothing about. I don't know her name. I don't know her age. I just see her every now and then around here, and then we talk. Silly. Foolish. But there is nothing i can do about it and i don't even want to, like make it stop or something. It is cool, but strange after many many years since i have felt these feelings so deeply and constantly...

How did your "something crazy" scenario go? I hope that it went just the way you planned. I have a hunch that it was not even that crazy, by my standards :D

It ok, this life is too overwhelming for me, it actually calms me down that you even reply to my shit!
ever thought that she also crushes on you too? haha, idk how u two get along but i get that feeling
Today i talked to La Santisima Muerte (Death) There is a huge altar to her near my house. It's a very long story, i'd rather message u about it.
Oh no im chainsmoking again...

 

[prince_igor]

I have not read this thread.

though I would like to offer anyone who needs to talk about the past in safety to use my pgp

and talk to me.

im a bee.

ive made and had it all I will listen and I believe you should not be persecuted for it.

fear not there are those here who really do care.

 

[Jabberwocky]

It ok, this life is too overwhelming for me, it actually calms me down that you even reply to my shit!
ever thought that she also crushes on you too? haha, idk how u two get along but i get that feeling
Today i talked to La Santisima Muerte (Death) There is a huge altar to her near my house. It's a very long story, i'd rather message u about it.
Oh no im chainsmoking again...

Unreal. This is unreal. NO ONE has ever told me online that i calm them down. EVER. Feeling so so good now. I hear that in real life all the time. I am the one who keeps things calm, or calms down a heated situation. When i was in inpatient care 2006 and 2009, patients came to me all the time, to talk, exactly because i have a calming effect on people and that is exactly the effect i want to have!

THANK YOU!

 

[Jabberwocky]

I have not read this thread.

though I would like to offer anyone who needs to talk about the past in safety to use my pgp

and talk to me.

im a bee.

ive made and had it all I will listen and I believe you should not be persecuted for it.

fear not there are those here who really do care.

This sparked my interest. But i don't want to be a burden. And i am going to outpatient care anyway so i can talk about nasty shit. But uh... yeah the docs and nurses and social workers want to help me but... books... how much can you learn about this shit (substance abuse and mental health) from a fucking book? Sure, the technical stuff and... stuff... But i would like someone who knows this first hand.

What is pgp?

 

[prince_igor]

pgp is a safe way to communicate over email and private messages.

not needed unless you feel you could incriminate your self.

sometimes one just has to jump in feet first to learn and no amount of words can help.

 

[woamotive]

I’m struggling with overthinking. I told myself when I was a teenager I would never commit suicide - I’m 35 now. It’s hard. I take in everything, and not on purpose. I’m watching, listening, analyzing (psychology) and thinking about intentions and worrying about intuition vs instinct and am I living my life out … right. Even though I know there is no such thing. I’m just sick of it being so hard.

you know ?

fuck.

 

[Jabberwocky]

pgp is a safe way to communicate over email and private messages.

not needed unless you feel you could incriminate your self.

sometimes one just has to jump in feet first to learn and no amount of words can help.

I have already doxxed myself and incriminated my stinky butt here, regarding Finnish authorities.

I have admitted cannabis and jaywalking. So umm... If the authorities really put resources into looking around for my posts on a forum like this, connect a few dots, and give me a ticket for it well... no wonder we have murderers out there running wild and free.

 

[prince_igor]

ah there are far worse things to say online.

 

[saif1311]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't know your situation, but I believe you should stay alive for your son, and you'll one day be happy you did. It sounds like you have some unfinished business on planet earth, and that is worth sticking around for.

Man I was the founder of the Facebook drug safety group London Psychonautics Society until I handed the project over to Sesh Safety after years of running it myself and attending protests for the use of psychedelics all over. I've attended breaking convention and met lovely people too. I feel I have something important to do in regards to psychedelics. Alexander Shulgin is a true hero of mine, may he T.I.P (Transcend In Peace).
I love extracting some deems sometimes and just crossing through and becoming one with all that is. It really helps my depression alot. I haven't done it in ages in fear of facing myself but in the end there is no fear except fear itself and love/light is the ultimate truth.

 

[saif1311]

Oh God that must hurt real bad... Your depressed mood is understandable and justified. But please stay alive. There is a chance no matter what, that one day you will see your son.

I have to quote @deficiT just to emphasize this to you and he did the writing part really well:

Dude, she's talking to me, she's giving me a chance if I taper off and really show that I am willing to change. She's been sending me videos of my child. Things are looking up. Ive cried in joy. I'll give my life for her and my child. So it's time to change my act.

Bless you guys

 

[Jabberwocky]

Unreal. This is unreal. NO ONE has ever told me online that i calm them down. EVER. Feeling so so good now. I hear that in real life all the time. I am the one who keeps things calm, or calms down a heated situation. When i was in inpatient care 2006 and 2009, patients came to me all the time, to talk, exactly because i have a calming effect on people and that is exactly the effect i want to have!

THANK YOU!

I miss inpatient. Only time i have ever felt safe, or like i was being cared for. But that was ages ago and i was anorexic and dying. The second time i literally lost the ability to speak because i took lsd for two months almost daily, now i hate that drug with a passion.

 

[saif1311]

Just to add, this wasn't some week long depression, im still pretty down, but not suicidal. I've been like this since December. This has driven me insane, from living with her one day expecting a child to not.

Literally her saying she needed space, me saying okay 2 days later she's gone, pregnant with our child and stuff.

To add to it. I live in a foreign country. With about one friend, that's just a regular friend around double my age. (Not an issue, I love those friends just as much, normal people and neuratypical conversation bores me.)

Luckily enough my girl is more the same as me, I thought I'd never find her in this life. Now I have to get her back and I have a child? What the?!?!

I like it where I am now though, for its cannabis laws, though. It gets really lonely at times but I used to have my girlfriend and actually spend some time going to dinners/outside and enjoy myself. I try nowadays. It's more like I get my necessities, and stay in.

I'm really hoping she doesn't change her mind on this chance.

Thanks BL

 

[deficiT]

I'm really hoping she doesn't change her mind on this chance.

Hang in there and have some faith friend. What's meant to happen, will happen in its own time.

 

[saif1311]

Hang in there and have some faith friend. What's meant to happen, will happen in its own time.

We just spoke, she actually loves me. Im so happy, I love you guys/gals. I really hope God/light/the programmer blesses all of you!