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Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

Painful One said:
I am so proud of you guys!
Just reading some of the comments and seeing, hearing the PROGRESS you all have been making.
Well done.

I have to keep reminding myself to just take things one day, one moment at a time.
If I think too far ahead or too far behind me, I get major anxiety attacks.

Just have to trust that everything is going to be alright.
I Feel so stripped, naked, exposed, raw.
I need to remember that I am a badass and I will find a way.
Just need to give myself some time.
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you are so inspiring. second by second, yeah? 💕
 
well, that same day i scored some alpraz, i ended up getting 120mg of oxycodone as well. rare, right? i haven’t had any fentanyl plugs in my phone in a long time so i couldn’t try that even if i wanted.

being left in the dumps by someone i really liked / cared about just made me feel so shit. the xanax blurred out most of the euphoria from the oxy (they were K9 blue imprint 30s), and the alpraz hangover made me feel even worse. horrible depression for two days, not moving out of bed, just feeling fucking awful. anyways, i had my day of fun now back to my schedule. i know it sounds stupid to self sabotage because of that but i just can’t help it, it seems.

don’t we all innately want to grow old with someone? have a family? maybe i’m just young & naive… anyways, i hope everyone is doing well. i didn’t fall off the wagon too hard and had my day of recreational fun.
 
HumanityIsTheDevil said:
Thanks for the encouragement, but i don't see anything amazing in staying sober in a place that bans drugs and alcohol.

The real struggle starts when i go back to my shitty excuse for a life. After 20+ years of substance abuse, i have zero useful skills or connections. No goals or interests either. I'm disillusioned with society to the point where i have zero interest in reintegrating into it. If i could just load up a webpage or write an email and apply to be a suicide bomber, i would do it in a heartbeat. Fuck this world.
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It is still an accomplishment to stay sober, no matter where you're at. Plenty of people bail out and don't even make an progress. You're right that the real struggle starts when you leave, but just try to continue making that progress. Have a goal. Try to get involved in something greater than yourself. These things are important in sobriety.
 
No cigarettes, how do they expect you to sober up, when you are being forced not to smoke. I' have seen people that can handle anything if they have their smokes. Now if this is voluntary or you picked the place in part for non-smokinhg: That is totally different.
 
Normal is such a loaded word.

Some people love running, watching YouTube videos, stand up comedy, magic tricks. Drugs, in my opinion are way more exciting. Does that make me an addict? That and my genetics, experiences, mindset, yeah they probably all tie into it.

Some can enjoy simple pleasures. I'm doing my best to try that. But in the back of my mind I'm always thinking about something exciting, instant and easy.

@HumanityIsTheDevil , shame is a normal feeling, as is wanting to be stable before a relationship, as is running into tough experiences, as is struggling to stop things that we enjoy but are self destructive.

For us staying clean is a tall order. Because personally, without all the negatives (which god fuck me there are a ton), it's a good time (momentarily).

That's why it's hard, because the temptation is "normal" if we're using that word.

Anyway man, I don't mean to hound you with words. You seem very smart, self aware. Stable sobriety isn't necessarily fun, but in that comes the mental clearness and time to figure out how to tackle the other things in life that take work and have some meaning to us. Hopefully, in time, it will be evident that those meaningful things are actually pretty damn satisfying, too.
 
For what it's worth, I don't believe shame has any function. It used to cripple me. It isn't a good motivator.

Then again, I don't believe in free will... so that influences my opinion about shame.

Loving yourself is the best way forward, IMO.

Shame contributed to my addiction problems.
 
good morning fuckers.


you make a good point, humanity. i agree and disagree but that’s the thing about this particular disease that differentiates itself from one another - symptoms, desires, shame, anger, nihilism / anhedonia, they all are subjective depending on the person. i happen to share a lot of what youre mentioning, i just also used to be a huge nihilist (alexa, play barbarism begins at home by the smiths) and i’ve come to find out that i’m just a lot happier when i have even a tiny bit of hope. but of course, that’s just how i am intrinsically, and not reflective of your own subjective experiences.

i know we all tend to innately project our own loved experiences as the number one advice, but if i’m being honest that doesn’t really qualify for top advice. (this isn’t a dig at you, by the way, im just generalizing things that i’ve noticed). i do heavily agree with the getting my own affairs in order first sentiment, heavily. and i’m very self aware that anyone who happens to stumble across me would find me broken and have to allow me room to heal, but i guess that’s the tricky thing about love.




just woke up, dosed my kratom & responding while sitting in a bubble bath. checking socials. i gotta run some errands today, and make a dentist appointment to have a tooth pulled in the back. i’ve got a tooth infection AGAIN. my fault for not going after it immediately after antibiotics, but it’s pretty outside this morning. enjoying my coffee


talk soon guys
 
It is a good thing I have shame. Being mean, cold and rude; come way to naturally from me. My conscience has shamed me (yes I have work to do) so many times: to keep arrogance, coldness and almost complete indifference to others at bay.
Over the years I have learned hulimilitary and more tact.
 
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@HumanityIsTheDevil

If you don't believe in free will, why feel shame?

It's not your "fault" that you are who you are; you just are.

If you truly accept this into your heart, you can forgive yourself.

I know you don't have children, but - if you did - would you want them to feel shame?

We tend to be harder on ourselves than on others.

I believe all of our feelings have a function.
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Depression isn't a functional feeling. It's crippling. Same as anxiety.

Since (largely) removing negative emotions, life is much better for me. Prior to removing them, I probably would've made the same argument you're making.

When you lose depression, you don't lose anything. Same with shame.

We are taught to feel shame by the church / by society.

You are perfect just the way you are.

Who you are is not your fault. You are a product of your environment.
 
Keep smiling and laughing.
it helps.

The little things like preparing a meal, decorate house, nourish others around me. Helps.
Arts and craft projects are fun and they help.
Get around other people more. It helps.

I set small daily goals.
That is how I take care of myself crippled.
Doing small things everyday

One foot in front of the other. Step by step. No matter how small, add up.

Keep on Keeping on ya all.❤️
 
People are responsible for their own actions. Blaming others all the time for the past is no way to live. Trying to move past the present can only be done effectively if we stop blaming others and move on.
What's done is done: How you live now will determine your future.
Being pissed at others is no way to live. We, for the most part, are now living in a society where everyone is a victim.( Yes there are plenty of real victims, not talking about them)
When I left home I kept getting in minor trouble( no felonies) They can all be traced to me as an 18 year old(leaving for college and deciding to drink heavily, very heavily)
I am to blame for my problems, the drinking led to 3 other issues( pancreatitus is a bitch).
So here comes the painkillers and benzos
I have cirrhosis of the liver and pancreas issues.
I am off the morphine(my choice) and switched to a long acting benzo( Valium 10 MG x3 a )day along with oxycodone I was already on.
I am a decent enough writer that I could write a long rambling essay on all the issues I had as a kid( there are more than a few).
I made a bad decision( regardless of what my parents were like; they would've been upset).
Did I care, no. All the bad shit, didn't care. Alcohol was like crack to me. The first time I sat down, put on some music, had plenty of booze; I knew alcohol is my new love. I just loved getting drunk. My childhood made no difference, this was about pure love of booze.
Fuck whatever trauma or bad things that happened to me: I just use to love alcohol.
I thank ALMIGHTY God, that I am now allergic to alcohol. Tried drinking, and can't process alcohol, and itch like crazy. I would be dead, Otherwise.
Guilt, shame, sorrow, regret, sadness...ect are all part of normal human nature. In this high tech cancel culture, it seems that it is a breeding ground for sociopaths. Remember, psychopaths are born: Sociopaths are made.
 
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So everything is part of normal human nature, except sociopathy?

I'm not blaming others. They are a product of their environment.

Everyone who suffers is a victim of fate.

Some people are addicted to alcohol as soon as they have their first drink. This is unfortunate for them; it isn't their fault.
 
Didn't say you were.

...

Day 4 for me. No drugs or alcohol. A little bit irritable (as usual) during the transition to sobriety. All good, so far.
 
My point was, we need to be responsible for our own actions. Stop blaming others( some do have legitimate claims, not them).
I am man enough to admit my life got screwed up because of a very bad decision and that led to other bad decisions.
From these bad decisions led to all that I don't have. My fault.
 
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