tokayeahok
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2021
- Messages
- 756
also thank guys
yeah compulsively dosing benzodiazepines to get the euphoria you so desperately desire is all out the window. it’s fucked.
woke up this morning and talked to a friend over the phone, a bath, and just enjoyed my morning. still freezing cold and sleepy even with coffee so might go back to sleep. who knows
yes yes i know both can be prescribed safely but we’re talking illicit carfent here… which is a big no no. my critical thinking skills drops inherently horribly, as they do with anyone on high dose benzos. i made a mistake and i made it through. i just couldn’t tolerate the tooth pain any longer and i thought i could get away with it…Depends on the benzo's and opiates, and the quantity and tolerance. I was on two prescribed opiates for years( oxycodone and morphine,(Therapeutic doses) along with Ativan(2 mg, largest dose per pill of Lorazepam) but the opiates were no where near as strong as Fent and benzo's not as dangerous as Xanax( the ones you described are much more powerful). You may have also had a reset of tolerance, ( you were staying sober) that is how so many former addicts die. I'm glad you didn't join the 27 club. You said birthday was the 7th and aren't you 27, for a few hours anyways? I know you ain't a famous musician, but it would have been a trillion times worse. I don't know any or care about them. Be careful, next time try to find something not as strong and mixing with benzo's, is not for those whose tolerance may be down. Besides I doubt it was 1 MG of xanax( maximum usually perscribed) and Xanax is a killer( elgoucho 9) is right about them being strong. My doctor wouldn't give me Xanax. 10mg Valium not an issue, to help me get off Ativan, which doesn't seem to interact as severely as other benzo's with opiods( I never know what to call them.) Opiates or Opiods. Eh, but hay maybe you can spend your birthday at the dentist. Sorry, I am so glad you ain't a statistic. PLEASE BE MORE CAREFUL. Good luck
Did you you say carfent? They use that to tranquilize elephants, it is much more powerful than fent, but for some odd reason not as likely to kill. I read it somewhere. For some reason( Thank you God) I don't fuck around with my scripts. I don't want to piss off( my, doctor. again) and I am scared of running out, so I am model patient when it comes to those. My sister had epilepsy, Money wasn't an issue many years ago and my sister tried everything that various neurologists would give her for her condition. She tried everything, and the results were any where between no help at all, to nearly killing her. My sister was on something else, but mainly it was high doses of Ativan and Valium. The type of doses they only give if nothing works and it is the only option. She had warned me, sort of, that if you take hugh doses that you can blackout and may just keep taking them. My dad controlled her pills. I didn't read her autopsy, there may have been other perscription drugs in her system. They ruled it suicide, but I know her, she was my only sibling and best and only friend. It was an accident, she did love pills, and may have held back and saved some of her regular large doses and maybe other perscription drugs and died by accident. But at high doses, it can cause a blackout and all restraint and reason are gone. Elgoucho9 is so very right about the danger of, recreational benzo use. The memory of my little sister's corpse leaves no question in my mind about that.yes yes i know both can be prescribed safely but we’re talking illicit carfent here… which is a big no no. my critical thinking skills drops inherently horribly, as they do with anyone on high dose benzos. i made a mistake and i made it through. i just couldn’t tolerate the tooth pain any longer and i thought i could get away with it…
oh man that must’ve been a huge misunderstanding, im not pissed at you nor have ANY ill feelings towards you, so please don’t think that.Tokayeahok, my point was only, very very partially about benzo's and opiates used properly together. I guess I wasn't real clear. My real point was about about large doses of illicit drugs used by people who have been off them awhile and the reset effect killing people. I know you are pissed at me, and I am sorry about that.
You could've died, and a lapse is what has killed so many, that was the main point.
You bitched at me for taking oxy while getting off morphine. I was already on oxy, longer(legally) than morphine and would have taken it anyways. I don't forget about certain things( Oct 29, you can't use a full agonist to get off another. I was already on it )
Reseting the timeline, you said. You use to abuse Xanax but got or kept it for a special occasion?
In recovery, really? Nearly dying, The pain of a toothache and the carfent, I can sort of understand pain and being desperate for it to go away.
But keeping and planning the use( Xanax, when you said you use to abuse it?
and i didn’t ‘bitch’ at you, i was just explaining oxy would extend the timeline considering it’s another full-agonist opioid and was trying to be informative, not bitch at you man.Tokayeahok, my point was only, very very partially about benzo's and opiates used properly together. I guess I wasn't real clear. My real point was about about large doses of illicit drugs used by people who have been off them awhile and the reset effect killing people. I know you are pissed at me, and I am sorry about that.
You could've died, and a lapse is what has killed so many, that was the main point.
You bitched at me for taking oxy while getting off morphine. I was already on oxy, longer(legally) than morphine and would have taken it anyways. I don't forget about certain things( Oct 29, you can't use a full agonist to get off another. I was already on it )
Reseting the timeline, you said. You use to abuse Xanax but got or kept it for a special occasion?
In recovery, really? Nearly dying, The pain of a toothache and the carfent, I can sort of understand pain and being desperate for it to go away.
But keeping and planning the use( Xanax, when you said you use to abuse it?
Ok, but there is no way I could stop using morphine and oxycodone at the same time after 6 years+ everyday and throw in the switch from lorazepam( Ativan) to Valium (diazepam) at the same time. Getting off Oxy was not a goal at that time. I only was trying to stop around the clock Morphine ER use after 6+ years. One at a time: and switch to 10mg Valium 3 times a day instead of 2mg Ativan 3 times a day. That was bad enough, throw in the Oxy 6+ years everyday and that probably would have given me a heart attack.and i didn’t ‘bitch’ at you, i was just explaining oxy would extend the timeline considering it’s another full-agonist opioid and was trying to be informative, not bitch at you man.
mate i pinky promise i’m not attacking you nor putting you down for any usage of any kind for any reason - i remember when you had asked earlier in one of the first posts about getting off that you didn’t mention any of this information and i’m sure i can speak for everyone that we all thought you were simply just trying to kick both, i promise i’m not coming at you with ill intent , nor would i inherently EVER do that, even if you were blowing black tar up your bumhole. we’re just here to help each other get well is all.Ok, but there is no way I could stop using morphine and oxycodone at the same time after 6 years+ everyday and throw in the switch from lorazepam( Ativan) to Valium (diazepam) at the same time. Getting off Oxy was not a goal at that time. I only was trying to stop around the clock Morphine ER use after 6+ years. One at a time: and switch to 10mg Valium 3 times a day instead of 2mg Ativan 3 times a day. That was bad enough, throw in the Oxy 6+ years everyday and that probably would have given me a heart attack.
Besides I may not stop the Oxy, I am not a young man and I've still got pain and new pain, my knees. Also considering my cirrhosis, what would be the point. I just didn't need around the clock morphine anymore. My drug use ain't for recreational purposes. I don't abuse or misuse them. Other than pharmacy problems, I don't run out because of a binge or trying to catch a buzz. I was a drunk, not a drug user( don't give me the alcohol is a drug bullshit, I know that, but beer and illict drug use are different, I don't give a shit what anyone says.) The perscription drugs came from pain,( pancreatitus) and stomach pain and not being able to eat because of that. I am reluctant to give up anymore scripts, given the political climate around opiods, and besides I have OCD, severe anxiety and sleep issues. I was over 200lbs +(90+ kg)(14+ stone, there has to be an English person who understands that) and not at all fat or chubby, and got down to just over 160. I have lost a lot of muscle mass and am under still under 175lbs. even being not very active.
I was supposed to be dead almost 7 years ago. Dec 2015, several doctors told me I had a year to live without a liver transplant. I declined. Here I rot.
I will be brutally honest. Don't waste your life, I don't want you to end up like me. Although I get the impression we come from different socioeconomic backgrounds.
.
you don’t ever have to justify what you use for pain to us because it IS valid. i’m not an abstinence-based person when it comes to recovery anyways y’know? you do exactly what you need to do to be the best human being possible and as sustainable as possibleOk, but there is no way I could stop using morphine and oxycodone at the same time after 6 years+ everyday and throw in the switch from lorazepam( Ativan) to Valium (diazepam) at the same time. Getting off Oxy was not a goal at that time. I only was trying to stop around the clock Morphine ER use after 6+ years. One at a time: and switch to 10mg Valium 3 times a day instead of 2mg Ativan 3 times a day. That was bad enough, throw in the Oxy 6+ years everyday and that probably would have given me a heart attack.
Besides I may not stop the Oxy, I am not a young man and I've still got pain and new pain, my knees. Also considering my cirrhosis, what would be the point. I just didn't need around the clock morphine anymore. My drug use ain't for recreational purposes. I don't abuse or misuse them. Other than pharmacy problems, I don't run out because of a binge or trying to catch a buzz. I was a drunk, not a drug user( don't give me the alcohol is a drug bullshit, I know that, but beer and illict drug use are different, I don't give a shit what anyone says.) The perscription drugs came from pain,( pancreatitus) and stomach pain and not being able to eat because of that. I am reluctant to give up anymore scripts, given the political climate around opiods, and besides I have OCD, severe anxiety and sleep issues. I was over 200lbs +(90+ kg)(14+ stone, there has to be an English person who understands that) and not at all fat or chubby, and got down to just over 160. I have lost a lot of muscle mass and am under still under 175lbs. even being not very active.
I was supposed to be dead almost 7 years ago. Dec 2015, several doctors told me I had a year to live without a liver transplant. I declined. Here I rot.
I will be brutally honest. Don't waste your life, I don't want you to end up like me. Although I get the impression we come from different socioeconomic backgrounds.
.
absolutely, nail on the headDeep breaths guys. We're all in the same boat, in one way or another.
Happy birthday Tokayeahok :D Glad you made it to this one. That's the scary thing about opioids - the tolerance and going back to baseline fairly quickly. I've had a couple of scares being over-stimmed, or had people I "trusted" sell me stuff that would just rot my body without any kind of high.
We're all human beings and things could have been done differently, but the past is the past. We can argue about little bits and pieces for weeks if we really wanted to. But it would be like we're just arguing with ourselves right?
I haven't touched any stimulants since quitting meth (especially dexies), I just know that if it's not medically supervised I could go over the top.
I think what's good is to get therapy while quitting any drug, get some outside perspective on things and figure out what our thinking is so we can recognise it before it spirals.
thank you honey
thank you honey![]()