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Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

tokayeahok said:
holy fucking hell, mate.

i’m glad you’re still here, brother. i’m sure your family & your beautiful child is, too. maybe it’s worth sitting down with those closest to you & letting them know what you’re going through. if that isn’t an option, and if they won’t support you, find SOMEONE to help you get through this. whether that be a close friend, a counselor or therapist / psychologist, or hell - maybe even someone in this thread. going through that alone makes the process so much more difficult. there is someone out there in the world who wants to help you though, and i firmly believe you’re on the right track already by being in this recovery thread. it means the thought of sobriety has tickled your brain enough for you to come into here & talk about it / find someone you can relate to.

much love,
jon
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I know. My brother made sure I got out of it. He was at that moment and alcoholic big time (both uncles died of cirrhosis, and we all loved booze). He ran through the steps and is now a sponsor, quit got married had kids and is happy, as far a i know. He knows all my shit up to 2020. I have been very reluctant to ask him for help, he's a god sent man though, never condescending. I just don't want to tell him, "hey I relapsed and all the hard work is gone, as of 3 fucking years ago." We use to party together big time prior to 2018. 2018 I got married then.

But, as fucked up as blue light is, its resources really do offer harm reduction. And the recovery thread is, my AA/NA. My bro loved AA, but I can't fathom doing that.

As a lover of the mistress Nature, someone who has lived in the wild I give myself grief and also self determination. I will free myself from my demons, no other options are viable. I'm just fucking afraid as I'm doing the right thing, I'm going to do the wrong thing. I.e. trade one thing for another.

The moon crests
a pale face and toothless grin
From whence undone
Soul spilt stained red from wine
A cry in the nightly howel
I'm done
I am done.
 
Jnowhere said:
I can't believe this, State Farm is issuing checks to the estate of my dead father. He had a living trust, those idiots are going to make me create an account for my dead father to get some refund checks for unused auto and other insurance and they refused to put it in the living trust. Luckily I have the paper work from the county court to hopefully do this Monday. I had to get all nice and dressed up, and fill out tons of paper work and over $200 a few weeks ago. So I should be good.
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There is always something. The cold callous fuckers who know not what they stab.
 
Jnowhere said:
It is shit like this that makes me forget who I am. Yesterday I bought the movie the breakfast club for $4 at target. It was empty no DVD inside the box, it had cellophane on it. Shit happens every day to me. I guess I need to relax and deal with life.
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From someone who has known suffering, and not related to drug abuse, I know what you speak of.
 
Weird question but has anyone had a problem with abusing wellbutrin/bupropion here? To me its like shitty coke I get prescribed a month. Been heavily abusing it when I have no money for crystal or when I'm still crashing. Just wondering if anyone can relate, feel stupid for sniffing so much of it.
 
Jnowhere said:
What is this drug and who prescribed it for you?
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Bupropion is an antidepressant but also a cathinone.. not very strong like others. I've been on it for almost 10 months but just recently began sniffing since I saw a few things about it being described as a weaker coke.
 
funnyh0w said:
Weird question but has anyone had a problem with abusing wellbutrin/bupropion here? To me its like shitty coke I get prescribed a month. Been heavily abusing it when I have no money for crystal or when I'm still crashing. Just wondering if anyone can relate, feel stupid for sniffing so much of it.
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After about 8 hours if you drink on it it's just as destructive as coke. Only dif is you have no lines and taking more wellbut will give you a seizure or dissociate you like a mofo. But, it was a hell of a ride drinking on it.
 
JimBobWho? said:
After about 8 hours if you drink on it it's just as destructive as coke. Only dif is you have no lines and taking more wellbut will give you a seizure or dissociate you like a mofo. But, it was a hell of a ride drinking on it.
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Very tempting but I don't like mixing alcohol with stims except meth. I haven't had a seizure just some hand tremors right after I rip a fat line.
 
.
Jnowhere said:
I can't drink anymore but I am curious about AA. I have been to 2 meetings but that was last century and I was always to scared to go, except those 2 times. I was bored
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Jnowhere said:
I can't drink anymore but I am curious about AA. I have been to 2 meetings but that was last century and I was always to scared to go, except those 2 times. I was bored
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Well, I probably should myself. But I feel like if I do that is commitment for me and I just don't know. I'm thinking NA, I don't know if they do things differently there. Booze has always been a crutch, but if I keep limping it, it will end up my main problem. I'm just getting off opiates, 5 weeks clean from everything.
 
JimBobWho? said:
I know. My brother made sure I got out of it. He was at that moment and alcoholic big time (both uncles died of cirrhosis, and we all loved booze). He ran through the steps and is now a sponsor, quit got married had kids and is happy, as far a i know. He knows all my shit up to 2020. I have been very reluctant to ask him for help, he's a god sent man though, never condescending. I just don't want to tell him, "hey I relapsed and all the hard work is gone, as of 3 fucking years ago." We use to party together big time prior to 2018. 2018 I got married then.

But, as fucked up as blue light is, its resources really do offer harm reduction. And the recovery thread is, my AA/NA. My bro loved AA, but I can't fathom doing that.

As a lover of the mistress Nature, someone who has lived in the wild I give myself grief and also self determination. I will free myself from my demons, no other options are viable. I'm just fucking afraid as I'm doing the right thing, I'm going to do the wrong thing. I.e. trade one thing for another.

The moon crests
a pale face and toothless grin
From whence undone
Soul spilt stained red from wine
A cry in the nightly howel
I'm done
I am done.
Click to expand...

funnyh0w said:
Bupropion is an antidepressant but also a cathinone.. not very strong like others. I've been on it for almost 10 months but just recently began sniffing since I saw a few things about it being described as a weaker coke.
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yeah be careful with the bupropion mate, it’s short-lived, horrendous for your nose & your seizure threshold gets all fucked up, leaving you incredibly vulnerable to seizures the more you do. i did the same when i got sober last year & it was just reinforcing my own junkie mindset / priorities. just be careful, and next time you rack a line of it out, remind yourself that you’re just feeding that silly junkie mindset that we have & that the reward you’re looking for just isn’t there, and that you’re just chasing the simple behavior of throwing a substance up your shnoz.

much love xo
 
funnyh0w said:
Weird question but has anyone had a problem with abusing wellbutrin/bupropion here? To me its like shitty coke I get prescribed a month. Been heavily abusing it when I have no money for crystal or when I'm still crashing. Just wondering if anyone can relate, feel stupid for sniffing so much of it.
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yeah i abused my prescription only once, last year when i came off opiates. i was about two weeks clean & just wanted to feed my silly junkie mindset. i did have a very tiny, possible placebo buzz, but it scared me knowing the vulnerability my body had towards possible seizures. i think the behavior of just abusing SOMETHING was the problem there, and it definitely wasn’t worth it. be very careful with booze on it, as wellbutrin lowers your alcohol tolerance immensely & you’ll get absolutely hammered to the point of it ending catastrophically. i forgot the exact science behind it but i believe it comes down to how it allows your liver to process the alcohol much much faster. i’m sure someone in here can explain why way better than i can.

all in all, it’s just us feeding that silly, cheeky smackhead behavior & just wanting to feel ‘something’.

much love & be safe xo
 
Jnowhere said:
I have been scared when my hands go numb. They are starting to do that because I ate a little over 2 hours ago and I have another hour before I can take some Valium.
my doctor switched me from Ativan to Valium and I need to space them better and I have morphine withdraw, but I tappered down and have gabapentin, clonidine and kratom and extra oxycodone.
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man, i’d just get past that hump of opiates, get rid of them & stick with the benzos & comfort meds. you can ease the pain of opiate withdrawal pretty well with the benzos, clonidine, & gabapentin. while you have those meds, i’d definitely 100% kick right now. you’ve got the opiate-withdrawal powerhouse kit right now, and with the kratom on top of all of that, you CAN put this to a stop given a few days of feeling shitty.
 
tokayeahok said:
yeah i abused my prescription only once, last year when i came off opiates. i was about two weeks clean & just wanted to feed my silly junkie mindset. i did have a very tiny, possible placebo buzz, but it scared me knowing the vulnerability my body had towards possible seizures. i think the behavior of just abusing SOMETHING was the problem there, and it definitely wasn’t worth it. be very careful with booze on it, as wellbutrin lowers your alcohol tolerance immensely & you’ll get absolutely hammered to the point of it ending catastrophically. i forgot the exact science behind it but i believe it comes down to how it allows your liver to process the alcohol much much faster. i’m sure someone in here can explain why way better than i can.

all in all, it’s just us feeding that silly, cheeky smackhead behavior & just wanting to feel ‘something’.

much love & be safe xo
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Thanks, tryna stay safe and not to do anymore tonight. Did my last one a bit ago and that made me hit the 1g mark so I think that's enough for one night.
 
funnyh0w said:
Weird question but has anyone had a problem with abusing wellbutrin/bupropion here? To me its like shitty coke I get prescribed a month. Been heavily abusing it when I have no money for crystal or when I'm still crashing. Just wondering if anyone can relate, feel stupid for sniffing so much of it.
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I haven't personally, but I'm aware of a few individuals that abuse the hell out of the shit.
I'd be really careful man with that shit. I think they give it to people for wanting to quit smoking, so as with coke Id want to smoke cigarettes even more. So there's some funky brain chemistry going on upstairs when you get high on Wellbutrin.

Jnowhere said:
People had been telling me I needed help and some told me AA saved their life, then there were the people at the dive bars I would go to who would say it was a cult. I listened to the drunks
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AA made a world of difference in my life. It got me connected with a solid group of people. & helped with building a fellowship of other men to call on when I feel like drinking.
I honestly do enjoy meetings, think I had gone to over 120 during my first 90 days of sobriety (it was a rule to attend one a day where I was at, and a lot of the time I'd go to more than 1 because I ain't have shit else to do besides sit around).
I think big book discussions & 12&12 book discussions helped me early on. I enjoy reading, and like to read on how do I beat this shit called alcoholism. Then got a sponsor, worked the steps. & for what it's worth, it's worth checking out at least if you are a real alcoholic.
 
Jnowhere said:
Angelsandfairiesarereal: how are you struggling?
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I have PTSD from a bunch of insane stuff, & was having night terrors all night waking up in cold sweats. Last month I dealt with it in unhealthy ways by taking lots of tramadol & drinking coffee to keep staying awake to try to run from the night terrors, & also kept taking extra clonazepam to not have seizures from taking too much tramadol (also was taking xanax). Then ran out & had bad withdrawals. I get prescribed the stuff for pain from all my injuries so I don’t want to abuse it & just got a new script. Also have a friend that sends me diluadid sometimes but I take so much of them when I get them so been staying away from that.

I haven’t drank alcohol in 6 years & kinda was thinking about that too for some reason which freaked me out but I won’t.

It’s just a hard time of year & dealing with certain things & need to stick to other ways of trying to deal with that stuff as well as the night terrors & flashbacks.

I wrote that kinda quick, hope any of that made sense
 
Jnowhere said:
I hate this time of the year, especially November, the holiday season sucks.
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i unironically love the holidays, my birthday is in november as well, so for the most part i enjoy them. especially the weather. fall equinox makes me so intrinsically happy ❤️
 
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