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Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

elgoucho9 said:
Well thats it i've already been back exercising this morning. Back to day one. On the up side i never went near any brown but it's always been the crack that's more of a problem to me, annoying i thought i was passed that.

I guess also good news is i didn't really enjoy any of it or do my usual and spend way more than i can afford. I've not lost any weight either.

Staying away from sourcing any meds on the street now. It's just too easy to wind up getting involved with more than you bargained for.
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That's the exact spirit man. Only way on or viable.

I never accustomed to it frequently but I know the hold it gets in the mind. How tempting. It simply isn't happiness for you now though surely.

I've always emphasised any recovery programme needs to allow for setbacks or stalls, see it as challenge processing stuff through, not lose momentum and conviction.
 
Nas47 said:
no thoughts about recovery anymore.God turns face away from me.No use....No use for me.I dont believe in anything anymore....may be only my dog
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Just...hold on tight then brother, simply to that.

It may be your saving grace. It was mine. I sacrificed my heart for a recent most special dog ever suddenly cancer few weeks gone.

I've honestly never cried a fraction as much in 43 years, helplessly too although I have zero shame, fear with expression and my within and never try to suppresses tears I believe the act can be so healthy.

But v annoying, inconvenient too at times and wickedly horrible when emotional grieving is 100 foot Tidal only time will oversurf (cool term lol, oversurf!)

And direly sick in too much pain physically, add more nerve damage, chaos can believe and serious addiction problems. Life depends on, revolves around v frequent long fasting for me atm, 44 hrs twice & 53 once last week, today again after 5 running days single clean meal, be 36 hrs 12:30 pm tomorrow should see over 50.



It's dark though and hard now, there's just nothing in that place. Endless darkness torture, only will, ambition ingenuity and something else ? passes the time.


So that shit was tough. Laying there, no life unless rescue again again in too much pain having lost all interest in world pastimes communication, and in that darkness heaviest personal grieving experience ever.

NOW! Lol f 202...age!


I don't feel forsaken by "God" though. I consider there is a grander scheme we aren't appreciating. We have invisible purpose hence suffer more lose spirit easily.


Buy I loved my dog it was mutual zero barriers as true unconditional and enriched a bond ever.

I was there completely for her to last beat and I know she was actually happy even the v last day, and fears were at bay.


So, Nas. Fuck God man, love your DoG instead. And it's only a lifetime anyway right? (for now, actually used to hate this idea buy now I think chances are, I get luckier lol.)
 
Jnowhere said:
I hate this two feet from me and 30-45 minutes I would feel great. I got to resist. Luckily I told my doctor not to write me any more morphine scripts. I don't need them, I am not going to spend my whole adult life a slave to substances, that I don't need.
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Try some good kava? I swear it acts on neurotransmitters subtly in ways but alleviates cravings for drugs like crack, coke etc.

Just never mix with alcohol is all, 24 hr gap minimum I encourage 2 days but think 24 is regarded as sufficient though I wouldn't personally if I could tolerate alcohol. I have mini nightmare situations now where I've somehow drunk some alcohol despite knowing must never with kava which my system is 365 saturated with)
 
Ka
Jnowhere said:
I am allergic to alcohol, I have cirrhosis, am now allergic to alcohol and can't really drink. Kava did nothing for me, besides I feel to lousy to go anywhere. I feel so bad that I can't take tokayeahok's advice about Kratom, I feel to lousy to drive.
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whoops silky slow software lol, not me! :) is known to be initially ineffective for a decent but sub (maybe 30%??) of people until tolerance is reversed.

Can take 7 days maybe 10, before voila from a pittence.


I believe it is related to priming of the neurotransmitter system, and full kavakactone saturation.

I loved kratom but one dose I'm so allergic life is perilled, any longer might as well quit.

But kratom has a dirty side, is addictive and WD's quickly too, 28 days running and 4-5 v horrible days no take or leave.

Plus every next day after using kratom my brain chemistry was so messed up, cognition awry.


While kava keeps it checked.


It's a tricky one to use. Needs an effective approach. Like no use hurdling, the high jump lol!

Is good analogy you just fall short.

Dose. Ritual ish. Empty tum best, at least 35 grams, I say aim 50 find your ball park.

Blended 4 minutes and vitally strained through a legit Kava straining bag or 75 microns minimum to 100 with teaspoon sunflower lecithin is way best, most mind psychoactive antidepressant nicer heavier all round.

600 ml to ev 35 grams about if too strong dilute but real thin see through kava I hate.



Over 2 hours maybe, 1 hr later some meal like kratom manifests kava's effects further.


Next day, no hangover too, roughness like alcohol, kratom

Even weed. Kava is v clean. No drug test ever for it too.
 
Jnowhere said:
I just drove to the local smoke shop and bought some kratom,, how many should I take?
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Depends on format.

Now does seem extract capsules incl market sell point Nanotechnology ones seem a rage, sadly IMO as we are again stepping away from bloody nature.


Traditionally it's a grams thing. 1.5-2 is good no T, 4-5 still okay but longer heavier creeping.

6-7 initially IME was nausea, sickness land.


Capsules must indicate on pack though.
 
Jnowhere said:
I had an extra oxycodone plus the Kratom, I know it does not sound good but my craving for morphine to end withdrawals is gone. All this addiction, starting with my of alcohol abuse at 18, has taught me humility and drained me of my arrogance and has taught me to have compassion for others. If I had applied my self to my studies and stayed sober, I almost certainly would have been a very successful arrogant sociopath. The Lord and all shit I have caused myself has made me humble( as humble as I could ever be).
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Compassion for others is a wonderful beautiful thing 💜
 
elgoucho9 said:
Well thats it i've already been back exercising this morning. Back to day one. On the up side i never went near any brown but it's always been the crack that's more of a problem to me, annoying i thought i was passed that.

I guess also good news is i didn't really enjoy any of it or do my usual and spend way more than i can afford. I've not lost any weight either.

Staying away from sourcing any meds on the street now. It's just too easy to wind up getting involved with more than you bargained for.
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You’re never past it man. Heroin is a slow process but at least as you make headway it feels like real progress. Cocaine I’ve gone over a decade with no issues, then in the blink of an eye I’m right back to sniffing lines not giving a fuck what tomorrow brings. Thankfully despite still craving crack after 15yrs, I haven’t gone back to that. The thought of those comedowns without H makes my hair stand on end.

AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
Compassion for others is a wonderful beautiful thing 💜
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It really is.. Like what we see in this thread. I forget sometimes there’s more to this site than drug information, people get clean here too.

-GC
 
Starting to use meth again.. thought I'd have better control since I'm only sticking to sniffing instead of smoking but still have no control. Made a mini scene with roommates last night at midnight because I started freaking out trying to grab a shard that fell onto the floor and into a heat vent. Need to stop sniffing if it really made me panic that hard over losing a .50 shard, just I keep justifying it in my mind since I'm not smoking almost every hour. Afraid of losing my housing again, especially in the winter, just losing all self control.
 
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I went to another one of them AA meetings after work. I committed going to one. I get in these funks where 'I don't want too', and I'm certain it's my addiction speaking with me. I really have no excuse to not want to go. I've developed a resentment towards my AA sponsor & grand AA sponsor because of the girl thing, and because of that. It's really kept me from wanting to really do much in AA. I purposely attend meetings that are mostly old(r) folks that I sense don't care much for women, or men.
One thing I need to do is find a new sponsor. It's pretty obvious that it's just not working out with my current one. I want to find a man that doesn't seem bothered about the 'riffraff' in the AA rooms, and have been eyeballing a few different men. Older men, with multiple years of recovery. That's really what I need. I've already worked the 12 steps & feel like I would still benefit by having a sponsor.
I have a close friend in the rooms, he actually works at the AA club house behind the coffee bar, and he's one of the other reasons that I'm still sober. We talk, about everything and it's good to see a friend when I don't want to be there otherwise.
God Willing if I make it to the 21st of October then I will have 9 months clean and sober from everything. It were so easy while I was in a program but now that I'm on 'life on life' it's all up to me to use what I had learned at the place.
Just kind of wanted to ramble about my recovery.
 
funnyhOw: you sound like you are on a path to self destruction. You need stop before it destroys you. It will only get worse, I do not know enough about you to give any advice other than stop before look 40 years older, have a criminal record and a smile like a 100 year old British man.
 
Jnowhere said:
funnyhOw: you sound like you are on a path to self destruction. You need stop before it destroys you. It will only get worse, I do not know enough about you to give any advice other than stop before look 40 years older, have a criminal record and a smile like a 100 year old British man.
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Already got a criminal record.. robbery charges. Aggrevated and attempted. I've wanted to get sober and I've even tried hard but getting charged and serving has set me back tremendously for the most part. I don't have much in my life that really encourages me to get better
 
Yes, I am a work in progress but I am on the right and only track to true salvation.
 
Jnowhere said:
I just drove to the local smoke shop and bought some kratom,, how many should I take?
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What strain did you buy if I may ask? If its capsules, start with 1 or 2. Wait a bit. If you dont feel anything, then go to 3 then 4 and wait a bit until you feel the effects (your sweet spot) then stop. Thats how I did it when I first started taking them.
 
I've contributed to this thread (and other iterations) for years.

Been trying to quit everything forever, which is (for many reasons) why I was using in the first place.

Forcing yourself to quit something against your will is not good or necessary.

We shouldn't feel shame for needing a release or a rush.

People are lost and miserable.

I love drugs. They will always be a part of my life. I don't need to get super high any more because I'm afraid of never getting high again.

I will get high until the day I die.
 
People focus on drugs as their problem, but (most of the time) it is not drugs.

I have recently realized this because I have fixed my core and drugs are amazing again.

The problem was my core.
 
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