Oh dear, I didn't realise things were like this for you man. I'm sorry to hear it. I've been there many many times myself and it felt inescapable for such a long time. It was a decade of merry-go-round cycling from relationship to relationship, from job to job, from detox/hospital/rehab to rehab, the nurses at the local hospital started to know me by name. I moved house legit countless times...I think 11 times overall? Can't be bothered counting. I'd get fresh out of detox/rehab again and be sober for a bit, but pretty quickly I'd be back up to at least 30 standard drinks every single day (about what you're at now). At my most recent stint in hospital detox they did a liver ultrasound and saw some cirrhosis...

I'm only 37!!! THAT was the slap in the face I finally needed to get my shit together.
Now that I have a baby, I am in a strict outpatient program which is overseen by child protection agency, with weekly therapy sessions
and I'm on Antabuse, that keeps me sober. But it's still hard man.
So I really do get it.
What's it gonna take for you to get some help FUBAR? You can't do this on your own. If you could, it wouldn't have gotten to this level. You are fucking WORTH IT man, please get some help.