Cosmic Mist
Bluelighter
It's ten past ten in the evening, and yet again i am sitting in front of my computer. it's not really a suprise, because, well, when you do the same thing day-in and day-out for months an years on end habits will form without the slightest of comprehension.
This routien is burried deep within me - i am a creature of habit after all. each morning i wake myself at around the same time and turn my radio on. I listen to the same djs belt out the same comedic routiens as always, dress myself, and head downstairs. Whilst downstairs i make myself a sandwich for breakfast - always with the same things; ham, tomato, cheese and mayonaise. I head to work and perform the same banal functions as always. I deal withthe same customers day in and out and hold the same conversation about the weather at least once every ten minutes for 8 hours straight.
I sigh as i sit naked behind my screen, and turn to look out my window. Gazing out across the bright suburban evening, i know i could quite happily sit and stare forever into the empty abyss of sky beyond me. it could be so easy to lose myself in usless wonderment - gazing into the depths of that eternal emptiness and wondering how it would be to be somewhere else, be someone else, even if only for a small amount of time...
Sometimes i can't stand to be here anymore - i feel the wind soft on my cheeks and i feel as though the walls are caving in, my head spins and i cannot breathe. I can feel the choking sensation of lonliness and panic filling me, holding me, suffocating me. The very life i have built for myself seems nothing more than a ball and chain around my neck holding me in place like bricks and mortar - i need to flee this place and its strict confines. I need to be somewhere, anywhere... just as long as it is not here.
I stop my dizzy contemplation for a moment and take a minute to calm myself down again. I stare down at the ground where my feet are firmly placed and i force deep breaths to fill my body and mind as one. Minutes tick by. I look at the clock with its glowing red digits. The numbers seem to dance around my head in a chaotic rhythm that i don't understand - i canot bring them into focus properly, and when i do it takes a full minute to comprehend them.
It is now twenty past ten. In that small passage of timemy world has fallen in on me - its very base crumbling beneath my broken breaths and shattered illusions.
Yet also, in that time, i have rebuilt it. And yet again i stand tall and proud. My world may not be a perfect place to live in, but at least the grass is green here...
This routien is burried deep within me - i am a creature of habit after all. each morning i wake myself at around the same time and turn my radio on. I listen to the same djs belt out the same comedic routiens as always, dress myself, and head downstairs. Whilst downstairs i make myself a sandwich for breakfast - always with the same things; ham, tomato, cheese and mayonaise. I head to work and perform the same banal functions as always. I deal withthe same customers day in and out and hold the same conversation about the weather at least once every ten minutes for 8 hours straight.
I sigh as i sit naked behind my screen, and turn to look out my window. Gazing out across the bright suburban evening, i know i could quite happily sit and stare forever into the empty abyss of sky beyond me. it could be so easy to lose myself in usless wonderment - gazing into the depths of that eternal emptiness and wondering how it would be to be somewhere else, be someone else, even if only for a small amount of time...
Sometimes i can't stand to be here anymore - i feel the wind soft on my cheeks and i feel as though the walls are caving in, my head spins and i cannot breathe. I can feel the choking sensation of lonliness and panic filling me, holding me, suffocating me. The very life i have built for myself seems nothing more than a ball and chain around my neck holding me in place like bricks and mortar - i need to flee this place and its strict confines. I need to be somewhere, anywhere... just as long as it is not here.
I stop my dizzy contemplation for a moment and take a minute to calm myself down again. I stare down at the ground where my feet are firmly placed and i force deep breaths to fill my body and mind as one. Minutes tick by. I look at the clock with its glowing red digits. The numbers seem to dance around my head in a chaotic rhythm that i don't understand - i canot bring them into focus properly, and when i do it takes a full minute to comprehend them.
It is now twenty past ten. In that small passage of timemy world has fallen in on me - its very base crumbling beneath my broken breaths and shattered illusions.
Yet also, in that time, i have rebuilt it. And yet again i stand tall and proud. My world may not be a perfect place to live in, but at least the grass is green here...
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
