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Temporary Madness ( it's an oldie ;) )

Strawberry_lovemuffin

Strawberry_lovemuffin

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 11, 2002
Messages
15,525
Location
Melbourne, Australia
The stamp on your arm
said Passion.
And things have a way of
Shrinking before that
Nothing can compete -
least of all
my shaky monogamy.

And as I looked on in fascination
the letters grew -
P..(our hands entwined)
A....(we walked)
S......(you said)
S.........(should friends)
I............(do this?)
O........(our foreheads met)
N.....(your lips closed in)

Each letter tied up one of my limbs
The 'oh' however
took the time
to occupy my mind
Sweltering with red blankets
Swirling Sssssssssss breathed
Skin-hot in my ear

And in bacardi reasoning murmured:
"why not?"

And somewhere on the planet
that night
Another fate was posted
In one of those cruel letterboxes
You can't reach back into.
 
This is taut, sharp, confessional. There are some really powerful lines which blew me away... especially the ending:

Swirling Sssssssssss breathed
Skin-hot in my ear

And in bacardi reasoning murmured:
"why not?"

And somewhere on the planet
that night
Another fate was posted
In one of those cruel letterboxes
You can't reach back into.
Click to expand...

Wow!
 
Well I'm glad you liked it, because my poetry teacher at uni didn't. But then again he caned all of my efforts; the reason I dropped out after 1st year. I wish he'd read the goddamned Words guidelines, I might have been encouraged enough to continue :)

I always liked this one myself :)
 
Yeah, it saddens me when I think of talented writers I've known who gave up on writing after receiving some harsh criticism, or getting a bad mark at uni. I had one friend who gave up entirely after not being accepted into a creative writing course (based on their folio). I applied for the same course, and didn't get in either. I was hacked, but I kept at it. There have definitely been lean years along the way where I haven't been able to write for months at a time because I felt I wasn't up to it, hated everything I'd ever written, and every time I tried to write something new I couldn't get through the swamp of self-loathing which had built up.

Writing can be a very ego-based activity after all, but I think ultimately you have to learn to let go of your ego, especially when it comes to receiving criticism. And if anyone wants to make a name for themselves as a creative writer, they will have to learn how to take the hard knocks, because they will come, sometimes thick and fast. It's true what they say: it can be an unforgiving business, and a lonely one at times. I say all of this like I'm some kind of old hand, but the reality is that I'm only a short distance down the path. I guess the true test of resolve begins once the scathing reviews start to appear... ;)
 
^^^I think you're right about the letting go of the ego thing....it's a difficult balance to strike I guess when you put so much of yourself into your writing, but then once it's done you kind of have to throw it out to the wolves as it were; I don't think I'm all that good at it.... :)

SLM, I'm glad you're posting stuff in here these days....I really liked this:
P..(our hands entwined)
A....(we walked)
S......(you said)
S.........(should friends)
I............(do this?)
O........(our foreheads met)
N.....(your lips closed in)
Click to expand...
I find it's really hard to use a device like this without it coming across hokey, but you have done it. Good work. :)
 
I'm loving everything you post.

Strawberry_lovemuffin said:
And somewhere on the planet
that night
Another fate was posted
In one of those cruel letterboxes
You can't reach back into.
Click to expand...

What a wonderful description for regret. Awesome.
 
I got a flush of warmth run across my chest and neck after finishing this piece... wow... I remember when I had a love like this to write about... Now I am left with what fragments of memories and the realization of my own current status to fuel my bleak writings...

Excellent, simply fantastic!
 
i also am loving everyhing you post - i could really feel this one, like i was there, being hesitant, and tempted...
 
Wow.

I've loved reading your posts on here, even though i'm stunningly jealous of the way you have with words...
 
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