I was taking one more tablet of oxycontin per day than prescribed, one of the times I acted on "honestly is the best policy". I found it helped to do that before I went to sleep-it gave me a less number of times waking up in agony. I still woke up in pain, but the number of times and the intensity was decreased somewhat. I'll take whatever improvement I can get. My Dr. (s), that I was honest with, didn't see it that way.
Obviously I would run out early, and that was hell...taking care of my daughter, who was 2 at that time, trying to work, trying to get ready for work,I remember standing in the shower, leaning against the wall, hanging on to the handle above the soap thing, struggling.Looking professional was required. I worked in a locked down dementia unit. My patients demanded alot of my attention...my office was in the ward - they'd wander in, sit in the chair next to my desk. I'd give them, a tablet, pens, colored pencils, etc....stuff to drink. Calm them down when they'd suddenly get hysterical.....chase after them as they would attempt to leave the ward. This wasn't officially in my job description...but, I can't imagine not helping t and interacting with them. This was on top of all of paperwork and phone calls I had to get done in a time-sensitive manner. Ugh. Usually, I could easily manage all of it...not while in withdrawal.
I could barely get shit done. The quality of my work was not up to what it usually was. I'd get constant phone calls that this and that was running out or not there. And I felt horrible about it...I was on top of everything usually. Ahead. I know alot of you understand what trying to function in withdrawal is like...not to mention not sleeping or eaitng either. I looked horrible....it's also hard to put makeup on when in withdrawal. I was in alot of pain all day, I could barely stay there. I desperately needed that job, and was trying to hide an "unhideable" medical condition that causes alot of random episodes of excruciating pain as it was. My pain was out of control without medication. All around it was a nightmare.
So, I decided to tell my Dr., about this. I tried to get my rx written three days early...at 27 days, which it could be filled at, instead of 30 days. I called the office to explain my situation, and to ask for the hard copy of the Rx...he said he wouldn't write it on day 27. When I came to my scheduled appointment, on the 30th day. He DC'd me. That was my first Dr...I had no experience with anything. I had no other Dr. in mind, nor did I know anyone that sold pills. I walked out of his office, and nearly crashed my car I was so upset. I asked if he would at least write me one more months worth so I could find another Dr. No again. And he said "No other Dr.will write this for you"...well, he was wrong about that, but, I didn't know that when he told me...that was one bad day.
That's what being honest got me. My entire survival was hinged on my job. I went on to be honest a couple more times, and found it to always have a negative outcome. Dr's will just slam the door in your face...no matter how long you've been their patient, and no matter how much of a rapport you have built. This is what I have learned.