Tell me your story....

[Opiatehell85]

Hey everyone,

i love using bluelight to get me through my detox, reading everyone's posts and helping where I can, it gets me through my day talking with you all and hearing your stories, I would love to know a little bit more about everyone an their drug use and reasons to use, when I tell someone my story I feel a big relief from doing so, so think this thread may help other people out aswell as me! (If it's been done before please delete)

in your story use the following information....

age you started on drugs
the circumstances you started them in, eg a party, alone, etc
reason for addiction (why do you take drugs so often, apart from the obvious)
how long
have you tried to come off them and what did you use to help
anything else of interest

my story is already on a lot of threads, but will re type here if anyone wants to know.
im female, 30, engaged with three beautiful children. Currently on detox with help of buprenophine 8mg daily.

Friendly posts only please, this is not a post where anyone should be judged, I wanted to create somewhere to get it all out in the open, as it helps me and may help others xoxoxo

 

[lilchrismills]

I wouldn't say im addicted to drugs however ....there is a thin line between addicted and not if u catch my drift. I started smoking pot when i was 15 and that led to pills and that led to molly and etc. This happened over the course of a few years. One day a friend of mine invited me to smoke witg him and it started from there. At first i started using drugs cause it felt good and then i started using them because i didnt have much to do then i started using cause it sometimes made me more social and all. Eventually i began to sell and then i caught my drug charges. Which lead to me being on probation. For about i quit drugs for the most part. Its like i can quit wen there are consequences but if there aren't i can't.

 

[TryingToGetBetter]

Before: After graduating from college at the age of 22 in 2009, I moved back in with my parents because the job market was shit. I had a handful of friends I went to high school there with and, unfortunately, they had discovered the "wonderful" creation of what we know as opiates. They gave me my first lortab and that was it. The emptiness I had been feeling because I couldn't find a job, the lack of all the friends I had made in school, the boredom of living at home with my parents feeling like a failure... it all went away. I loved it. It filled my soul.

Anything I could get my hands on for the past 4 years I have... percoset, lortab, roxis, oxy, op oxy, etc... I've never shot heroine and please do not think I am judging anyone that has, I'm NOT. I was just terrified of the thought of injecting something into my veins that I had no idea where it came from.

This is my 4th or 5th time detoxing with the ultimate goal of quitting. I've been through and completed rehab with flying colors, but the day I got out...? I had a roxi up my nose within hours. To this day, I'm still not sure why. The same thing with NA, which I've gone to countless meetings and met some really great people. I can't handle the "woe is me" sob stories every session though. It gets really old hearing 90% negativity. It's like some of these people are PISSED they're clean and sober, it makes no sense. I relapsed again.

Today is my 5th day of sobriety after I'd say a year and a half straight of using. I'd say the past 6 months I've been consistently abusing between 60 to 120 mg of lortab per day. Weekends the dosage went up. I never used to use at work, but the past few months it started creeping into that part of my life too. I woke up last Thursday and told myself I was done. I am done with literally overdrafting my bank account every week by hundreds of dollars to get my fix. I'd buy 40 lortabs and if I could make them last 5 days it was a miracle. I'm done letting these things run my life and make me numb to the people I love. I'm tired of not being able to gain weight, and having horrible mood swings.

 

[TryingToGetBetter]

After: Hey everyone!!! First and foremost I love you all and the help I've received on my journey to sobriety.

I git 2 years sober on Dec 12 2015. I never thought I could do it but I did it and SO CAN YOU.

3 years ago I was spending all of my money on roxi percs oxy you name it I snorted it ingested it, just wanted to feel better.

If I can break my addiction I know you can too. Please read through everyone's posts and contribute... I can tell you first hand this is the site you need to visit a lot. It helps you to not feel alone. People don't look down on you they support you and so do i.

3 years ago I was taking 120mg minimum a day of opioids, was single, having one night stands, lived alone, went to a job I hated, and hung around people who didn't care if I OD'd or not. FUCK those people you don't need them. Fuck thay lifestyle it brings nothing but emptiness and depression.

I'm now happily married 10 months, and am adopting my wife's 3 boys from her previous marriage. You don't have to do what I did to get better, but what I'm saying is NEVER GIVE UP THE GOOD FIGHT. You are so important, a lot of times to people you don't even know yet.

I'm agnostic, I don't know if God set me up with this scenario to help me with my addiction. What I do know is, when I STOPPED THINKING ABOUT MYSELF and MORE ABOUT THOSE IMPORTANT TO ME, I lost my need for those poisons.

Love, attention, and a feeling of pride in oneself trump all this other bullshit we've been dragged into.

I'm with you, Blughtlight I'd with you. It's time to get better everyone. Maybe 2016 is the hear your life turns completely around. If you WANT IT BAD ENOUGH, you can beat it. If you want to keep living in misery with a whoa is me mentality, then that's what the rest of your life will be folks. Awful.

Let's kick 2016s ass together. Get healthy. Find love. Find a purpose. Find someone to lean on. Come to Blue light and express those feelings of anger or confusion. These people are literal life savers.

Thank you for reading this and, again, I hope this touches at least one person to find the strength to say you know what? I'm in control.

 

[Opiatehell85]

Hey guys,

love hearing your stories you are all so brave, addiction really is horrible, it does help to talk. I got my first opiate free drug test result today, I'm on day 11 of detox. I'm doing it for my babies, they adore me and I have to repay them with being clean.

My my addiction is totally painkillers, never injected anything just abused the life out of tablets. We all have reasons for addiction, mines a number of factors from childhood abuse to my disabled son and the hell I've been thru with that, opiates really do block it all out.

buprenophine has so far been a life saver for me, I'm hoping to come off it within 8 weeks of starting, so 7 weeks left.

good luck everyone I really do hope 2016 brings everything you want in life xoxox

 

[TryingToGetBetter]

Congratulations on day 11! 1 day at a time. Keep those babies in mind and believe in yourself. I'll be here to chat with you. Never forget that you are not alone in this opiatehell. Pills were my go to as well, never IVd or injected but still, those pills are a mother a fucker huh...

I'm gonna keep checking in on you. Please keep writing so we can support you.

 

[Opiatehell85]

Het ttgb,

thankyou so much! Just been to take my sub under supervision, is it ever gonna get easier doing it in front of people? I'm not your typical addict!! Not that there is a typical addict, but u know what I mean.

my drugs test came back negative to opiates yesterday so hopefully just one more week supervised an they might trust me with take home prescriptions. I don't think I'd ever abuse bupe, it doesn't really do anything for me except let me live life without rooting for tablets, it's a miracle drug for me so far, just hope it's fairly easy to come off in eight weeks time.

replapse is my biggest fear, I'm not strong willed enough, I'm hoping I don't finish detox and then go straight back to the tablets, I hope not! Gonna try my best.

How are you doing? Does it get easier?

 

[TryingToGetBetter]

Yes it gets easier I'm doing great. Life's hard without pills, it's impossible with them. My advice is to not worry about the future. When you start thinking ahead, you inadvertently start making subconscious plans.

If you say "man i hope I don't relapse right when I get the chance to" odds are your relapse probability goes up.

Try to think positive. Try not to think about pills at all, so much easier said than done.

When thay day comes, instead of hoping not to relapse, be mentally prepared to say I'm not relapsing.

Lastly, relapse is not the end all be all. People relapse, it happens. That doesn't make it okay... but it also doesn't make you a failure.

Keep your head up baby girl you're asking the right questions. I hope this helps some. Proud of you.

 

[Opiatehell85]

Yes it gets easier I'm doing great. Life's hard without pills, it's impossible with them. My advice is to not worry about the future. When you start thinking ahead, you inadvertently start making subconscious plans.

If you say "man i hope I don't relapse right when I get the chance to" odds are your relapse probability goes up.

Try to think positive. Try not to think about pills at all, so much easier said than done.

When thay day comes, instead of hoping not to relapse, be mentally prepared to say I'm not relapsing.

Lastly, relapse is not the end all be all. People relapse, it happens. That doesn't make it okay... but it also doesn't make you a failure.

Keep your head up baby girl you're asking the right questions. I hope this helps some. Proud of you.

good advice, I will try and stay positive, I've put on another thread about the embarrassment of being supervised taking my buprenophine, I really do worry about everything lately!

Well done for being where you are now, you have done AMAZING! And yes ur right, relapse isn't the be all, end all but I won't relapse now I've got help, I'm very stubborn which is good in the current situation xoxo