Social Tell a Joke

[kiely]

 

[kiely]

 

[Robi]

I'll never forget my Grandfather's last words he said before he died. " Are you still holding the ladder?"

 

[jasperkent]

Q: Are you familiar with Pavlov?




A: No, but the name rings a bell.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

A retard walks into a bar.

The barman says "why the mong face?"

 

[jasperkent]

A priest, a rabbi, and a Baptist preacher walk into a bar. The bartender says What is this? Some kind of joke?

 

[Cheshire_Kat]

A priest, a boy scout and a politician were flying in a chartered airplane from New York to London. Just before they reached the point of no return the pilot comes over the intercom and announces that the airplane has lost all power. He explains that due to a mistake only two parachutes were on board and that the passengers would have to work out who would get the parachutes.

The politician says "I am the smartest man in the world and I need the parachute so I can save the country and the world." He proceeds to grab one of the packs and jumps out of the airplane.

The priest says to the boy scout. "I am old. take the parachute and save yourself"

But the boy scout just smiles and says "Don't worry father, there are two parachutes left." The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the airplane with my knapsack.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

Why did a man die at age 19? Because he was an junkie

 

[Robi]

When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepared their chicken and he said," Oh nothing special,we just tell them they are going to die."

 

[kiely]

Yep it's the same collective mentality that makes one think if Jesus ever came back that the majority of people would just kill him again

 

[Robi]

Two old hippies were walking along a railroad track,stoned.One hippie says"This is a really long fucking staircase man!"The other hippie says"I don't mind the stairs man.It's this fucking low handrail thats killing me!"

 

[chippermonk]

One time there was two farmers that lived a far piece out the road to Galena. They was always good friends, and Bill's oldest boy had been a-courting one of Sam's daughters. Everything was going fine till the morning they met down by the creek, and Sam was pretty goddamn mad. "Bill", says he, "from now on I don't want that boy of yours to set foot on my place."
"Why, what's he done?" asked the boy's daddy.
"He pissed in the snow, that's what he done, right in front of my house!"
"But surely there ain't no great harm in that," Bill says.
"No harm!" hollered Sam. "Hell's fire, he pissed so's it spelled Lucy's name, right there in the snow!"
"The boy shouldn't have done," says Bill. "But I don't see nothing so terrible bad about it."
"Well, by God I do!" yelled Sam. "There was two sets of tracks! And besides, don't you think I know my own daughter's handwriting?!"

 

[kiely]

 

[kiely]

Me : I must be out of my mind.

Me : You and me both.

 

[kiely]

Dear perfume wearers,
A little hint for you all :

PFT PFT is enough
PFT PFT PFT PFFFFFT
PFT PFFFFT PFFT PFT
is really too much

 

[aftershocknrock]

my ma is so fucking fat, she needs urgent surgery....but shes too poor to get it haha classic comedy
fuck you ma ya fat cunt!

 

[kiely]

A females worst nightmare is a man that has money and power
and wont share any of it with her for free.

 

[aftershocknrock]

im pretty sure my ma's worst nightmare is sharing her chips

 

[aftershocknrock]

I used to play triangle in a jamaican band. I didn't do much just atood at the back and ting.

is that why you're so obtuse?

 

[kiely]

If someone told her to haul ass it'll take two trips.



......when she goes to the grocery store the doors open as soon as she gets out of the car.