TDS Techniques for dealing with unhappiness in recovery

[THECATINTHEHAT]

I'm about seven months clean atm and I'm in a lot of pain. Every day I'm wrapped up in self obsession and feeling trapped/rejected/lonely/directionless/angry/impatient and my self-esteem is just on the floor. It was all triggered by being rejected by a girl (after sleeping with her a few times), but that was just the catalyst for stuff that goes a lot deeper than that. This can't go on for much longer it's really fucking me up. I'm trying to do what has been suggested to me to deal with this stuff e.g. going to meetings and sharing about it, praying, gratitude lists, supporting other people but it's not really working for me at the moment.

Any suggestions for stuff I can do to try and get out of this?

 

[theseeker]

So it sounds like the initial rejection from this girl was a lightning rod for a lot of emotional 'stuff' that's balled up inside you. As a guy who's been rejected by a few girls in his day, I can honestly say I am familiar with the sting that comes with such a rejection. That can set into motion a whole cascade of thinking- really negative thinking- that can eliminate your self confidence and make the future look grim indeed. For me, my greatest regret in my life was that I made too big a deal out of those rejections. I blew them so out of proportion and used those events to propagate such a negative self-image, I ended up wasting my time. The mind-set I should have adopted: 'I had a bad experience with this girl, in reality- it may have had absolutely nothing to do with me". Why did I try to get into other peoples' heads? I was so insecure about my physical attractiveness that I blamed every failed relationship on that. It was seldom the case- I would often later find out that the girl in question had issues of her own that had nothing to do with me.

So my question to you is: did that event do something similar to you? Did it shape the way you see yourself and your future in a negative way? Did you use it as an excuse to propagate a myth you have about yourself? If so, you should know that's a pretty common reaction. You need to interrupt that chain of thinking if that is indeed the case.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

I dont know. I don't really have any issues around my attractiveness though I don't think, I reckon I'm just average. I don't think the event has coloured my view of the future, just brought up some stuff that was already there. Propagating a myth about myself maybe.

 

[neversickanymore]

The biggest thing to look at is emotion is a system for compelling you to deal with a problem.. it identifies the problem and then forces you to deal with it by making you feel uncomfortable.. sometimes really uncomfortable..

The other problem is that we have a handy "solution" that has programmed in because of our use and its resultant dopamine release to all our problems.. along with a problem signified by emotion I also believe that known solutions are encouraged in the complex processes of the brain, high emotions caused by incident indication and motivation to address the specific problem but also craving for a drug, because the brain has this logged as a solution.. so in other words I think the brain identifies and motivates itself for a problem with emotion but it also suggests solutions, logged in with the dopamine release (think about the rush or joy of finally a tough problem) and then will drive itself toward known solutions.. drug craving..

Solution replace the use of drugs as a solution to this problem with another solution..work through the root of the emotional start of the relapse in order to halt it.. Hint a woman rejected you equals unrealistically high emotions of in this chart most likely dark purple..

For example a healthy solution to this may be to..


realize and accept that you are a great person

accept the fact that not everyone has to like you, this is normal and thier opinion does not indicated your worth, i mean do you like everyone, if you dont like someone does that mean they are no good..

Does the fact that this person no longer liking you indicate that no one likes you.. no in any way shape or form.. or that no one will ever like you.. NOPE..

You guys weren't right for eachother.. the right person is out there.. give it a little time

your self worth comes from the person you are, not what someone elses opinion of you is.. nn

don't fall into the problem, keep your mind in the solution.. can't believe she doesn't like me like that anymore TO man I cant wait to see who I get to see who I am able to spend some time with next..

I had a good time with this person.. it over but I must have had a pretty good time, thanks for that good time.. there will be other good people and many more good times.. and at some point there may be an amazing time with an amazing person but I was really pretty lucky to share time with this person, really glad I did, moving forward always, done dwelling in the past, and they are the past.. had a great time but can let it go as that..

going to keep things SIMPLE. live in today and learn to let things go.. good things are great but they come and go, but they always come back again, look at the good, you had a great time, focus and be thankful for that.. don't get greedy or over analytical.. ther just is no fukn point unless missoiry, confusion, and a whole more buch of misery is what you choose..

enjoy today, stay in today, as it's all that matters, all we ever have, they are yesterday.. cherish the memories and be thankful for the time.. don't wish for more as it makes you forget the good you had and the great things you still have..

The person you are meant to be with is out there.. enjoy the people you are with on that search..

relax.. if you take life so serious it becomes a burden.. it is how you look at it.. quit burdening yourself..

Faith.. in a god or just in anything,, just in the fact that things are the way they are.. as they aren't any other way.. its all good and it always has been... have faith that if you stay in today and "keep doing the next rite thing" you will have the best of everything.. and if you quit judging everything and realize it all good then you will have the time of your life

 

[herbavore]

There is absolutely nothing worse than being rejected by a friend or lover to make you feel horrible about yourself. I have lived through it and in a way it is probably like living through WD's. There are things you can do to help, but the most helpful thing s probably having a realistic view of both the duration and severity of the symptoms. It hurts and there is no way around that. That said, all the wonderful advice contained in the above posts by theseeker and neversickanymore is worth really delving into.

I wish you a speedy recovery and a stronger-than-ever you. You are a wonderful person. This relationship didn't work out but that is doesn't touch that. If the girl that rejected you hurled some accusations your way, try to consider them as objectively as possible; you are free to grow from this experience in every way rather than closing down defensively, which ultimately hurts you. Look at the hurtful things that were said and evaluate them--do they reflect more on her than you or vice versa? Or were they simply not relevant at all?

Learning to be at home in yourself--a self that is defined in many ways by ego--is not easy. It really gets put to the test when someone else rejects you and that makes this a very powerful teacher. Feel your feelings and see what thoughts you superimpose on them. that's where the potential for growth lies.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Any suggestions for stuff I can do to try and get out of this?

Yeah, make some basic changes in your life that would render you happier. All you have to do is believe things will get better when you put that effort into yourself, and it goes a long way.

There's plenty of girls out there man; don't get caught up on one of them. Meet new friends/people/girls, get around, socialize, have a little fun (the kind of fun that doesn't contradict your recovery, of course), and before you know it, you won't be unhappy any longer.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Yeah I'm not really getting caught up on that one girl as such, that event was just the catalyst for a load of other stuff coming up. Thanks for the replies, just have to keep on keepin on I guess.

 

[soccerfocus5]

I feel like the monotony and anxiety of day today life far outweighs the good. Even