RuFf RyDeR
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2000
- Messages
- 61
These are just words.
These are just the words about the most beautiful thing in the world to me. You see, I have come a long way. A longer way than most my age anyway. I have lost so many people. I have lost so many things. My life has been made a million times harder because of the body that I am in. I cant look to God because he NEVER answers. I don’t want to look to anyone for the answers. I don’t know what I am or where I am going. I know that I love her though. I know that she is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen or felt. She cannot understand what is deep inside of me. She loves me, no doubt, but we arent what I dream of. When I dream of her I see beautiful colors and hear wonderful sounds. She makes me so happy that I can somehow recall fun filled times of my childhood. After losing my parents at age 6, I thought that nothing would ever be right. Nothing ever has been. Everything in my life has been so unpleasing. Sure there were always the great parties and the amazing drugs and the people. But I lost the people too. I lost Johnny in my arms and that only made things harder. Nothing has ever made me really smile. Nothing ever made me feel this way. I have had a rough life and a million shity things have happened to me, but I wouldn’t change a thing because my payoff has been to find her. She makes me feel perfect. When she touches me I can think of nothing but her touch. She makes me tingle almost every single time she touches me. When I look into her eyes, I see fairytales, and roses, and happiness. She brings out only love from my soul. I have been blessed with material things, although I never take them for granted. But of all of the possessions that I have acquired, none compare. Ive spent many many a tear filled night dreaming of her before I met her. Ive done everything in my power to make her life as easy and enjoyable as I can. She has taken my need for answers away. If I ever don’t want to be upset, all I have to do is find her. Simply looking at her makes me calm. She brings so much love to my life. There is nothing I cant do when she tells me that there is nothing I cant do. When I see her life and the turns that it has taken, I just want to hold her. I wish there was some way that I could take all of the bad things that bring her down away and let me suffer for her. I would sacrifice anything and everything in my power for her. She is my life. She is my love. She is my perfection. She is my absolute everything. She has told me that my life is complete with her by simply looking into my eyes. She has made me realize the man I want to become. Nothing has ever motivated me to change things. She has. She has given me a will to find something inside of myself. She makes me see all of the wonderful things inside of me. She points out to me the wonderful person that I am. She is the light by which I read in the dark times of my world. She has made everything better. There was a time in my life when everything was wrong. Everything I did and everything I experienced was wrong. She made the fact that this world produces abusive alcoholic parents okay. She has made the deaths of my dearest friends worth the experience. It was probably almost over for me when I found her. The thought of losing her kills me. If I were to lose her, my life would cease to exist. My heart would stop and my eyes would again close. There would be nothing but cold and darkness. The days would be long and the nights would be longer. The tears would hurt more than they already do. The tears I am crying now are questionable ones. I question if she will really ever love me for me. I am questioning if she will ever love me as much as I love her. But as long as I can see her face and touch her skin, I need no answers. I love you MM --ree
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***on doves***
These are just the words about the most beautiful thing in the world to me. You see, I have come a long way. A longer way than most my age anyway. I have lost so many people. I have lost so many things. My life has been made a million times harder because of the body that I am in. I cant look to God because he NEVER answers. I don’t want to look to anyone for the answers. I don’t know what I am or where I am going. I know that I love her though. I know that she is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen or felt. She cannot understand what is deep inside of me. She loves me, no doubt, but we arent what I dream of. When I dream of her I see beautiful colors and hear wonderful sounds. She makes me so happy that I can somehow recall fun filled times of my childhood. After losing my parents at age 6, I thought that nothing would ever be right. Nothing ever has been. Everything in my life has been so unpleasing. Sure there were always the great parties and the amazing drugs and the people. But I lost the people too. I lost Johnny in my arms and that only made things harder. Nothing has ever made me really smile. Nothing ever made me feel this way. I have had a rough life and a million shity things have happened to me, but I wouldn’t change a thing because my payoff has been to find her. She makes me feel perfect. When she touches me I can think of nothing but her touch. She makes me tingle almost every single time she touches me. When I look into her eyes, I see fairytales, and roses, and happiness. She brings out only love from my soul. I have been blessed with material things, although I never take them for granted. But of all of the possessions that I have acquired, none compare. Ive spent many many a tear filled night dreaming of her before I met her. Ive done everything in my power to make her life as easy and enjoyable as I can. She has taken my need for answers away. If I ever don’t want to be upset, all I have to do is find her. Simply looking at her makes me calm. She brings so much love to my life. There is nothing I cant do when she tells me that there is nothing I cant do. When I see her life and the turns that it has taken, I just want to hold her. I wish there was some way that I could take all of the bad things that bring her down away and let me suffer for her. I would sacrifice anything and everything in my power for her. She is my life. She is my love. She is my perfection. She is my absolute everything. She has told me that my life is complete with her by simply looking into my eyes. She has made me realize the man I want to become. Nothing has ever motivated me to change things. She has. She has given me a will to find something inside of myself. She makes me see all of the wonderful things inside of me. She points out to me the wonderful person that I am. She is the light by which I read in the dark times of my world. She has made everything better. There was a time in my life when everything was wrong. Everything I did and everything I experienced was wrong. She made the fact that this world produces abusive alcoholic parents okay. She has made the deaths of my dearest friends worth the experience. It was probably almost over for me when I found her. The thought of losing her kills me. If I were to lose her, my life would cease to exist. My heart would stop and my eyes would again close. There would be nothing but cold and darkness. The days would be long and the nights would be longer. The tears would hurt more than they already do. The tears I am crying now are questionable ones. I question if she will really ever love me for me. I am questioning if she will ever love me as much as I love her. But as long as I can see her face and touch her skin, I need no answers. I love you MM --ree
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***on doves***
