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TDS Social Thread v. RIP tobala & junctionalfunkie, we love you both

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goin mad with my knee busted ! I have my ortho and PT tomorrow at 5 - ill find out surgery times - i can't wait to get this DONE with and be able to get out again.

OD - I genuinely feel for you bro :( , if you need anything / want to vent you know you can hit me up whenever buddy.
 
^Contemplating sewing something up I assume.........

I'm boring..........
I had a bunch to do today and was talke dout of it- Now I have a bunch to do tomorrow...........not fun.
Errands etc.
The rest of the week I should also be pretty busy......only I plan for a little fun in there to mix it up :)

Congrats on the new place OD!!
Moving can be SO much fun!!
 
OverDone said:
What has me anxious is being able to maintain some sort of happy demeanor in front of people I haven't seen in YEARS.
Click to expand...

I totally understand this man. But hey, it's your brother's memorial. You can't be expected to be bouncy and happy on a day like that. Don't worry about trying to maintain any sort of demeanour and just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel <3 *big hugs*
 
2 weeks sober.

i still feel pretty fuckd in the head. things just don't seem to be getting any better. i'm isolating a lot more.
my day consits of waking up at 7:50. go to morning meditation @ 8. that lasts for like 15mins, and after meditation i go straight back to bed. sleep till noonish? here lately I havn't been getting out of bed until like 2pm.

my room mate went n narked on me today, said i've been isolating.. i came up with a good excuse to tell the staff. im sick.. hell pink eye and the "crud" is going around here.

i know its not healthy...

well atleast tommoro i have a apt. to the foodstamp office, hope i get them. it sucks not having any money and no food.

eh, things could be a lot worse.
least im sober.

been working the steps to, got a NA workbook last night, so now i can really get into them with my sponsor.
just gotta get that connection back with my higherpower.
 
D's you're doing really well man, I know it's hard to believe in ourselves when we're feeling depressed but you should actually be really proud of yourself. You've picked yourself up and you're back on your feet after a brief hiatus. It might not seem that way just yet but you're on the right track man. Hang in there okay?? <3
 
thanks rosie, got my foodstamps today, wont get $ till tommoro. so that's good. i'll be able to go grochie shopping tommoro and buy some well deserved food.
been living on hotpockets and ramen noodles past few days. so this time i'll get some veggies and fruit.
since the foodstamp office is going to combine jan, and feb benefits together i'll have to make the $200 stretch. till march 17th. so going to have to buy shit that i can cook and eat for dinner, and lunch meats n stuff.
gonna have to cut out the candy n cookies because i really wont have money for them. sucks its gonna drive me fucking crazy. i've done it before, and the first few days without sweets(like candy,cookies, etc.) is gonna suck. but the w/d's arnt as nearly as bad is coming off of opiates lol, and i'll let fresh fruits be my methadone to high fruitose sugar(or w,e that shits calld).

other then that, been working step 1 everyday here lately. i know im powerless over the shit, theres no doubt about it. i just wonder why i keep going back to it, i'm powerless. lol that might be it.

got some instant coffee.. gonna make a cup for the morning so i'll be able to drink it as soon as i wake up and hopefully stay awake.
 
^Keep your health up, dude :)

I felt so overwhelmed when I got up this morning. Had an amazing session with my psychiatrist, we agreed that I either need to ramp up the benzo dosage or go on a beta-blocker. We decided on Inderal (a beta-blocker). I cannot ramp up the benzos.

For a panic disorder patient and permanent stressball, my blood pressure is already low. 117/70 5 minutes after smoking a cigarette (which I need to stop doing). I am slightly worried about complications from this. My psych said to stop worrying and be less of a control freak.

I was also honest with him about overdoing it with alcohol. He told me I can drink if I like, but I must get back to moderation.

He also told me that I would be an excellent psychiatrist if I get the prerequisites in order, and that once I did, he would write me an excellent recommendation letter.

Who says you can't go back... :)
 
^^ That is really good news. I think you would make an exceptional psychiatrist. You have always been there for me and all who may need you. I do worry that you are to hard on yourself at times. <3
 
lol my BP was just 149 / 103 before ortho , week before that it was 126/82 , i stopped caring. Shits absurd.. posa you would be a great psychiatrist tho, seriously.
 
^^ Umm that's really high dude...that's not good. Have you had high BP before??

Mariposa said:
He also told me that I would be an excellent psychiatrist if I get the prerequisites in order, and that once I did, he would write me an excellent recommendation letter.
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I completely agree with him hun. You would be a great psych <3
 
Inderal is the best beta blocker. I've been on it for years. The art of wart - I've been reading your posts for a long time, and find them very helpful indeed.

Head is moving between being ok for a day or two, then nosediving again. I can't seem to kick this depressive cycle.
 
I can not believe I just slept the way I did- I went to sleep and SEVEN PM!!!! And woke up at 6am! Sheesh.
I can't remember the last time I went to bed so early- except maybe when I was sick...........or pregnant. But I'm on my period so I'm not preggo :D And I'm not sick!
I guess I was just worn out.
Today will be requiring a lot of coffee!!
 
I had a very insightful AA meeting last night. It was on the nature of letting go and living your life in service of others. Addiction is mainly a symptom of extreme selfishness. So when a person is selfless, the symptom of addiction is alleviated. Makes sense to me.......but I am starting to feel like a bit of a cult follower with this stuff. Better than drinking every day, which, among other things, will land me in prison.
 
n3ophy7e said:
^^ Umm that's really high dude...that's not good. Have you had high BP before??



I completely agree with him hun. You would be a great psych <3
Click to expand...

It fluctuates like crazy - I was running a very high cycle , I take things for my BP and it goes right down - I'm obviously not running juice while I can't hit the gym :(. But I am running HGH to aid recovery. Stuff works like a charm duplicating cells and fixing ligaments :).

I know it's high , but believe me you should see some of my old bloodworks and what not - I can read a bloodwork like a 3rd grade text book. On cycle I am normally around 130/90 - when I go into get my BP checked I have HORRID anxiety , the room is like a jail cell size -- don't get me wrong n3o, I'm not trying to dismiss what you say. I'm just saying it's what you put in yourself and how you manage it that matters.
 
I've got a lot on my plate right now (less than some, more than others) Its all relative I suppose but just enough to stress me the fuck out to the extreme

Gotta move in to my new place by the 31st but this may not happen so I may have to just grab ANY fuckin' apartment. Oh well, it is what it is.

On another note, my town is full of pussies. We got some snow today and almost every business is closed. It really isn't THAT bad out but, whatcha gonna do?

Learning a lot about acceptance, gratitude and perseverance lately.

School is exercising my brain and it feels good. I'm only a week into it and have already learned a lot.
 
yeah jeff every town has pussies.


fuckin heated, foodstamp office screwd me over. went shopping and had to just walk away from a buggy full of food. was going to eat good tonight, i guess its another ramen noodle night.
 
^^my state won't give food stamps to drug felons. period

stupid drug laws and my horrible decision making skills :(
 
that sucks mehm, same here. u gotta be in-treatment to get them if ur a drug felon.


well got to play in shit water tonight. a cast iron shit pipe busted (Well rusted out) xpolded, and shit went all over the place, so for the past few hours been trying to fix it.

humble myself....humble myself...
 
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