I try to picture him running around with all the other puppy dogs in puppy heaven, happy as can be. But sometimes I can't get the image out of my head of me fighting him to get into the cage at the shelter and then him crying and shaking when I went to leave. I'd give anything to go back and say fuck it, I'll figure something out, I don't care if I'm homeless forever. Those dogs were the best companions in the world, it's so quiet and lonely without them. When I come home from work I sometimes still expect them to greet me at the door.
Sorry, I'm a real downer tonight. =/
DO NOT ever try to NOT be a downer.
Because you're not being a downer in the first place.
You're speaking whats on your mind, and people need to hear it. When my min pin started walking into walls on her left side, be brought her to the vet. The vet said she had a serious problem with her vision, and to see a specialist.
We took her to the specialist and they said she had cogenital blindness since birth, and they would have to remove her left eye. I asked myself "how the fuck did I live with this dog for 6 years and not realize she was 50% blind". And the day came when she was kicking, scratching and whining, and I held her on the table so they could strap her in.
I walked out of that room an utter mess of a man. And I still look back and think "why the hell didn't I get a second opinion, what if she really WASN'T blind?"
You KNOW that other situations could have played out, but you don't know how things would have ended either way. If I chose to keep my dogs eye in, toxins could have leaked in her brain that would have killed her (you prob didn't even notice her left eye is gone in the pic).
If you chose to keep your dog, a much worse faith could have followed her. I know this is HARD for you to think about, but we are ONLY HUMAN beings. You can NOT let this stuff eat you up inside.
Your dog IS looking down on your from doggy heaven, and he demands that you stop being so sad all the time.
Would you want him to be as sad as you are right now? No? Than why is ok for you to be that sad?
Pain hurts, life hurts, but things DO get better. It all starts in that little thing in your skull. Accept the fact that you are human and make mistakes, and accept the fact that someone WILL love you for everything that you are.
Life is too short to be down all the time. Sometimes it can suck to be human because we outlive all our pets, and get to see so many people we care about die over time. But we are still strong, we fight through it, and we get better.
Thats what I want to see you do. And as long as you hang out on bluelight I will be pestering the shit out of you to make sure you do it.
