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TDS has me wondering - how does life turn to shit?

V

VivaTequila

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 29, 2011
Messages
6
Hey all. Long time lurker, this forum has taught me a lot. I obviously never post but I really want to break the tradition to ask just one question before I go incognito again.

I simply wonder how people's lives turn to shit with drugs... By that, I mean that I occasionally use a bit of whatever's set before me and I know I have ever decreasing self discipline with drugs. I am wondering what the cues are to know when drug use is getting out of hand, because I want to prevent them from taking over my life.

I guess I am a little concerned because I'm still having my eyes opened to how amazing the wonderful world of narcotics truly is. I've only just turned 18, and things I swore to myself I'd never try, I now go and binge on.

For me, that's a bit of a warning sign and has alarm bells ringing... and now I'm thinking you guys would be the best people to ask - when is a bit of fun too much and damaging? Is there a mostly objective answer? Or does it just depend on the individual?

I am pretty tame when it comes to not using anything say on par with phenaz/mda/meth/oxy during uni term (minus certain special occasions) but on my holidays when I'm not working I really ramp things up. I similarly just binge right out on whatever my gang has brought to festivals. And I no longer deny cute joints/nangs whereas I before used to be very disciplined - now I'm just like meh, what's the harm?

And in your humble opinion, which drugs are the clear no-goers? So far I've only really turned down heroin, and some of the above when I was younger and thought they were much more addictive than they are..

I guess I'm trying to be cautious, because I know that if I start using some of the more addictive drugs more regularly than I could really be digging my own grave.

When does the love become too much love? There's a line somewhere which I don't want to cross, and I want stories, testimonials, and experiences on where to call it quits.

Cheers for the insight peeps, your words of wisdom may very well deter another person from going to far :]

proof-read and realised this was rather vague... what I am asking is for stories of addiction and of scenarios similar to mine. If what I've said resonates with you at all, then please post. I want to hear what you think are the clear no-go drugs. I want to hear about the way you perhaps distanced yourself from certain friends. I want to hear about how you may or may not have let drugs get in the way of important life events. I want to hear about your failures, your triumphs, and just generally anything that could be of significance to this. If it comes to it, let this be a thread about the origins of addiction and the circumstances surrounding it. How does one descend into addiction, and how do they know if they are, and how does one know how to stop it?
 
It really depends on the individual. Everyones taste in drugs is different so what one person finds as love at first sight, might not even appeal to another person. Two drugs I have the most history with are stimulants and opiates. I went pretty heavily on stimulants and I came out pretty fried for a while but overall I was able to let go of the drug and move on.

Opiates however had me at first taste and they still have me long after I have stopped doing them. I think there may be a universal love and addiction potential with opiates in particular, looking at the amount of people addicted to it vs. other drugs. I would also like to note, since you mentioned you turned down heroin, any form of opioid pills be it oxy, opana, dilaudid, perkocets, vicodin, they are no different than heroin. They are the same exact drug. Pills are just controlled and legal. So be careful if you think you are playing it safe by turning down heroin but accepting in pill form.

The road to addiction is not defined. You are most likely on it if you are taking narcotics. You will be given many cues-- waking up feeling like crap after a long night, running out of money before your next pay check. But you will ignore the cues.

When I was heavily into stimulants I would binge on them gram after gram until my heart was skipping beats. I thought it was interesting I would listen to it with a stethescope almost entranced by it. I wouldn't be able to stand because when I would a hot burning sensation would go up the back of my neck and into my skull and I would lose muscle control. Obvious warning signs that I was probably close to death and it didn't alarm me. There's something weird about drugs that turns off your alarms. You won't have the slightest clue.

You are already on the path but when you read this you will not believe me because the drugs have turned off your ability to listen to cues and to take warning.

You ask how does one stop it once you realize you are... I would say hopefully you are early enough into it that you can stop and learn to live and enjoy your life without the use of substances.

I wish I knew both sides of the story before I dabbled in this. I think what would have helped me in the early stages of using would be reading stories of people coming down from the drugs. As opposed to the stories you find in trip reports of people talking about the come up and the high. I would recommend reading stories of people in pain from the drugs.

If opiates are your thing you won't have a problem coming across withdrawal threads in TDS. Other drugs you may have to venture into other areas of the forum and skim a bit before you find a story. If you want me to find you some tell me what drugs you are into and I'll find you some real first hand accounts of the aftermath.
 
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With meth, I had no trouble with it until I started smoking it. The first time I tried smoking it, I didn't even like it that much. The head rush just made me feel weird and dizzy. But I used meth in small amounts to get me going in the morning, and smoking meth got me going instantly, whereas with eating it, it took a half hour or so to kick in. So that's why I started smoking it. I think that's when I started to develop a problem. I've heard other people say the same thing about snorting it. Also, when you start setting rules and limits for yourself ahead of time, but find yourself breaking them constantly. Hiding the extent of your drug use from other people is another sign.
 
Generally for me it was questioning "is this getting out of control" as the first red flag. When others make comments about your using, getting in legal problems because of using, financial problems due to using, etc. As an addict, I was the last to know I was an addict. Ask your family or close friends if they notice any changes in you and you may be suprised.
 
Life turns to shit when after all the abuse you've endured, you continue to numb emotions that no matter how painful, you need to deal with without drugs.

I have spent most of my life trying to numb the memories of what I've been through with drugs, and it just makes things worse. You dont care anymore after a while, which is a DANGEROUS thing if you have hopes of ever getting better.
 
Heroin was my down fall. I quickly learned that it is near impossible to use it recreationally (at least for me). It took over my life, I was so in love with it that I didn't care.
 
Life is a quagmire. There are so many forces at odds at work within us, how are we supposed to expect anything but just hassle from day 1?

We start out with a pants full of poop.... that should be a clue....
 
I want to hear what you think are the clear no-go drugs.
Click to expand...

I used to think there was. Then the time came, and there wasn't. And I paid dearly for it. It's person to person, but methamphetamine, oxycodone and heroin. There are years now that I squandered, and I'm never getting back.
 
Just some food for thought: nobody ever intends to become a drug addict; becoming a drug addict is a repercussion of
recreational drug use.
 
The part that's a bitch is that many people truly can handle drugs without becoming addicted, but the ones that can't will always find a way to convince themselves that they're part of the group that can.
 
Chimeric said:
Just some food for thought: nobody ever intends to become a drug addict; becoming a drug addict is a repercussion of
recreational drug use.
Click to expand...

hmmmmmmm....

got me thinking there friend...

edit: i am really appreciating all these replies, i am very keen to hear your words of wisdom. please keep it coming, all these statements/stories are really helping me get some background ideas.
 
Things begin to turn to shit when you start breaking your own rules. Rules about frequency of use are more important than either rules about route of administration or class of substance, and rules about route of administration are more important than rules about class of substance (the exception being if you restrict yourself to truly trivially addicting substances only, ie, you only ingest only classical psychedelics and maybe marijuana).

ebola
 
(meth)amphetamines/opiates are a different world and will slyly suck you in , grab you by the balls and never let go . If ur for real with this post , just touch no opiates , benzos or amphetamines , ESPECIALLY meth and stick to LSD , ecstasy , weed , alcohol (harmful but not extremely addictive) that sort of shit , everything else is where the real problems start . I had a drug 'problem' abusing alcohol , weed and anything else put infront of me , then one day i got shot up with meth which id been hearing about , from that day on i became a junkie , using everyday , and it went just like that , normal kid abusing 'fun' , to full time junkie , no exagerating at all . Even alcohol when i first began using regularly , started the ruining of my life , i was just drinking on weekends (some weekdays but none that anyone but my mates knew about) and my parents naively kicked me out for that , and of course it went on a really fucking steep spiral into addiction to alcohol , then a daily (most of the day) weed habit ontop of alcohol addiction , then taking absolutely anything at any time at all , then a smooth descent into the world of hard drug addiction . Now im struggling to regain my life , ive moved states and have never been so depressed , i keep getting kicked while im down and only in the last few days have things started looking up a bit , that is with no weed supply for 4 days , i feel so much better , ive been doing recreational things , applying for jobs and i dont want to die every waking minute . Just dont even so much as experiment with anything remotely 'hard' (excluding psychedellics and such , but theyre not really hard)
 
I don't think it's black and white, addicted or not addicted. I think there's various shades of grey, or a scale. Likewise, I don't think there is any one behaviour that means you're definitely taking it too far, nor that there are certain drugs that you must stay away from to avoid addiction. Certain drugs may be easier to lose control on, but everyone is different and nothing is for certain.

I once read a definition of addiction that went something like, addiction is the ambivalent state of wanting to quit, but wanting to keep using. I think that's pretty good. When you know that the negatives are outweighing the positives, that your drug use is having a detrimental effect on your life and ambitions, but you keep on using. When you can't stop, or more likely, you don't want to stop. I've found it takes quite awhile til you get to the point where you realise you can't stop, before that, there's a lot of denial and avoidance because you'll convince yourself you just don't want to stop (and it'll probably be true).

For me there were a lot of things that I believe contributed to my daily use of one substance after another. Finding the 'perfect', quick fix solution to my shyness and social anxiety was one, but more than that, I think it was finding it so young. Starting my meth addiction at 16, I feel like I never learnt the usual coping methods one learns as they grow up, and I don't have any experience of a drug free, adult life to fall back on and prepare me how to live a sober life, when I try and stop using.
 
Can't help but think how invaluable this thread would be, if it could be printed out into a little booklet and distributed to high school students, along with a brief write up of various kinds of drugs, their effects, and a resource section for those seeking help. These are firsthand accounts! As such they are invaluable as deterrents for susceptible youth. Well.. I think. :-)
 
It's not like you wake up one day and suddenly the sky has turned green because you're a drug addict.

What made me realize that things were out of control was when one of my closest friends died of a heroin OD.

I looked around and asked whether there were any warning signs, and then I realized that I don't have any friends who don't do hard drugs at least 4-5 days a week.

At that point I admitted to myself I was one of "those" people.
 
Please tell me, is this okay?

I am 18, going to a great uni, in a good course, and I study and work a lot. When the uni term is up, I pretty much only drink, smoke weed, and have a few benzos. I will rarely do coke or meth but I will take ritalin during exam period (in fact I just aced an exam today because of the stuff). I will typically do the weak drugs once a fortnight, sometimes more frequently, sometimes less frequently, and when I do, I tend to not get completely silly on them but will just perhaps lighten up the afternoon with them.

The exceptions are festivals, where I'll go to town on whatever MDA/MDMA/amphs I can get my hands on, regardless of where it is.

I have no discipline when it comes to denying myself new drugs (which I never swore I would do, like oxycodone, meth, MDMA, coke), but I am very disciplined in terms of not actually getting addicted to stuff. That's simply because I don't take anything regularly enough to get hooked on it. As it stands, I've tried a few different types of benzos/ambien on a few different occasions in the last year (<10 times). I've had coke once or twice. I've done meth once or twice, and dexamph a few times again, and Ritalin about 5 times. I've probably smoked/shared 20 joints, and I've had a little over 250 nangs. I don't smoke cigarettes; period. Never have, and hopefully never will. I smoke joints, only. And this is 100% serious, not an act, I don't smoke tobacco socially because I know it's addictive. I personally dislike the whole method of smoking in the first place - I think it's grotty, but it gets you high, and I guess as the old adage goes, no pain no gain.

Again, this isn't nessecarily bad for an 18 year old I don't think, simply because I'm not hooked on anything (I don't even smoke!)

But I've tried stuff that I promised myself I never would, and if someone offered me heroin, it would be really. fucking. tempting.

I don't go out actively seeking drugs, but they have a knack for falling into my lap. I'm something of a 'hook-up' guy amongst my friends. Is this bad?

This is kind of a journal entry of my drug life in the last year and how it's kinda blown outta proportion with sampling a bit of everything, but I'm posting it to get some feedback.

I think I'm okay cruising as it is because I don't go out searching for stuff. If it magically conjures itself in front of me, I'll sample it. But I won't chase it. And from all the stories I'm reading that seems to be an important factor. AFAIK, that stems from addiction, and my current habits aren't going to get me addicted for a long time coming, provided I just stay mostly clean and priorities uni/work/socialising with sober friends.

...this was good to write. This half got my concerns off my chest because now I've got my thoughts on paper (or rather, on the internet :x), and it also half provides a way for you guys to give me feedback. Does my story resonate with anyone? Any similar experiences? Or is this me being delusional thinking I have it all under control? (I just don't know if I have nothing to worry about compared to the unfortunate opiate addicts on this subforum considering I haven't tried any "harder drugs" yet or if this is valid because I'm considering stopping going too far)
 
I really think it depends on the individual and what their state of mind is.

Personally I'd start worrying when you start wanting to do drugs to escape the mental frame you're in, or to escape how you normally feel, so like wanting to do them by yourself in a non-party environment (what I'm personally going through).

I partied with drugs for several years and only now am I starting to abuse them by doing hard drugs alone by myself. Maybe my partying has led to this. Who knows.
 
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