Tax Return Woes.

[951]

I dont know if this is the right spot for this.. But my motorcycle forum isnt really the best place for it haha, so i figured bluelight might give me some feedback.

I'm a recovering heroin addict, 10 weeks clean. I got out of rehab two weeks ago after a two month stay. So far i have been feeling pretty good. Until yesterday, when i got my $1500 tax return check.. The whole time i was in rehab I was thinking "if i had got that $ before i left i probably would not have made it here.". Well now im out, i have it, i have not cashed it. And all i want to do is call my Girl (whom i have avoided since i got out) and go on a run.

I have a place to stay with good friends, (was homeless the last year) I have work to do (motorcycles which i love) and i'm working on getting my family back.. The fucked up part is that i don't really care all that much about loosing what i have when i think about picking up. I just hope i dont live to sober up again and see the consequences of the chaos i create if i do go back out.

Honestly, where the $ to be in my pocket this AM i would be high right now. Without a doubt.. And I HAVE enough to pickup now,its just the though of being able to sustain for a week or two (longer if i buy enough to sell) that makes me want back in. Maybe im just not ready. I dont know, now that i have the check its constant anxiety, constant thoughts, scheming how i can put this past the people i live with who know i have this $.. Thinking where i can stay when they kick me out. Getting exited to go back to old friends and the old life style (and the lifestyle of a homeless junkie in NH isnt glamorous). Doesnt help that its getting warm out now, and summer for me is sleeping on the beach, chillin, scheming, and shooting dope all day.

Anyone have experiences or advice for this fucked up individual?

 

[joonya77]

Yeah dude. It'll still be cold on the streets at night in NH for another 6 weeks at least. Best not to go there.

I'm a dopehead and I know the thoughts that are going through your mind, not exactly, but I know what it's like to be tempted on payday, so to speak.


You can stay sober. You can do this man. Maybe ask a family member to hold on to the dough till the cravings pass and you wrestle what that fucked up demon of addiction is trying to do to you back in submission. She's a tricky bitch and is trying to fuck you over hardcore right now. Ask them to get you money orders for bills that have to be paid. Cash is a big trigger for me so I understand man.

Good luck. You can do this and beat this.

 

[951]

MA, 15 miles north of boston.. That would put you in the topsfeild area im guessin?? Im in georgetown right now.

ITs a tough one bud.. For sure. When ya go through puberty on opiates sober is so fucking weird, and money is super tough. Im just used to looking at money as its value in drugs period. I dont have bills to pay. I have to get a lawyer, thats about it, and $1500 isn't gonna cover that haha. For some reason i cant let myself give them the $ to hold. My addiction wont let me give up the option of walking out the door and using.

 

[joonya77]

I'm in Wakefield now. My grandparents used to live in Rowley, and I've worked in Georgetown maybe 5 times in the past year. I like it up there. It's more peaceful than down here. Room to breathe.

Walking out the door and using is an option of course. An option that led you into rehab (which you rocked) and out of those doors 2 weeks ago. You're not a fucked up individual. You're an addict. Of course you convert dollars to bags. If they had taught that method of conversion in high school math, I'd be going to fucking Harvard right now But all I'm saying man is it isn't the only option. You could choose to protect you, protect your money that the bitch hasn't gotten into her grubby dick-skinners yet, protect your life. I don't wanna come off as preachy. I hate preachin'. A guy once told me when getting sober, all you have to do is the next right thing. Instead of letting my mind get all caught up with a million thoughts telling me to do a million things, I'd stop for a minute, gather myself and look around at what NEEDS to be done at that moment. Kid gotta go to the library? I'll drive him. Gotta shave? Check. Sit here and do nothing? Check.

I wish the best of luck to you. Sorry if I came of as preachy. That wasn't my intention.

 

[951]

Not preachy at all bud. Im at the BMX track in wakefield all the time maybe ill see ya there hah.

Thanks for the words man.

 

[joonya77]

Peace man. I'm always on here if ya need to talk PM me. Good luck.

 

[ad lib]

I dont know if this is the right spot for this.. But my motorcycle forum isnt really the best place for it haha, so i figured bluelight might give me some feedback.

I'm a recovering heroin addict, 10 weeks clean. I got out of rehab two weeks ago after a two month stay. So far i have been feeling pretty good. Until yesterday, when i got my $1500 tax return check.. The whole time i was in rehab I was thinking "if i had got that $ before i left i probably would not have made it here.". Well now im out, i have it, i have not cashed it. And all i want to do is call my Girl (whom i have avoided since i got out) and go on a run.

I have a place to stay with good friends, (was homeless the last year) I have work to do (motorcycles which i love) and i'm working on getting my family back.. The fucked up part is that i don't really care all that much about loosing what i have when i think about picking up. I just hope i dont live to sober up again and see the consequences of the chaos i create if i do go back out.

Honestly, where the $ to be in my pocket this AM i would be high right now. Without a doubt.. And I HAVE enough to pickup now,its just the though of being able to sustain for a week or two (longer if i buy enough to sell) that makes me want back in. Maybe im just not ready. I dont know, now that i have the check its constant anxiety, constant thoughts, scheming how i can put this past the people i live with who know i have this $.. Thinking where i can stay when they kick me out. Getting exited to go back to old friends and the old life style (and the lifestyle of a homeless junkie in NH isnt glamorous). Doesnt help that its getting warm out now, and summer for me is sleeping on the beach, chillin, scheming, and shooting dope all day.

Anyone have experiences or advice for this fucked up individual?

First, you are not "fucked up".

When someone is addicted or has been addicted to drugs, it's normal to view drugs and money the same way. For example, when i get my paycheck each week, even though I am clean, I think "wow, I could get so many of my DOC for this amount".

Do you have a savings account? Or a very trusted family member that can maybe help with the savings account? If someone else is helping you with the money situation, then it can be a lot less tempting. The cliche that comes to my mind is "out of site out of mind"