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Taping off Heroin and Really Need Your Support!

anonman17

anonman17

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 24, 2014
Messages
43
Location
Olympia, WA
Hello everyone. I made an earlier thread about tapering off of H, but I wanted to start a new one because I'm adjusting the taper and also because I really want to invite the presence and support of other people. Besides online support, I'm doing this pretty much on my own. It's risky for me to include other people--so none of my close friends or family know that I'm back on heroin after being sober for five years. I've got a lot to lose at this point and I'm starting to get worried. I'm a full time student and intern, in addition to having community volunteer commitments. I also have a girlfriend who can't know. The last time I used heroin I did so until I had nothing. In the end I was living on the streets. I don't want to go back there--and I don't believe I have to. I have been using daily for two months. My using was triggered by a back injury and pain medication.

I'm working out a taper and thus far am on day two. I have a limited amount of heroin that I want to use to taper onto morphine. The heroin amounts are confusing since I can only measure it out by weight and have no idea how many actual mg are in the shots I'm doing.

Here are the first three days of the taper. I will add more days once I figure out where my starting dose (where I am just barely not sick) is at.

Day 1 (total: 500mg)

Breakfast (noon): .25 of a gram
Lunch(4pm): .15 of a gram
Dinner(9pm): .10 of a gram

Day 2 (today-trying to figure out starting dose, total: 350mg)

Breakfast: .15 of a gram
Lunch: .10 of a gram
Dinner .10 of a gram

Day 3 (still trying to figure out dose, if appropriate, will hold at today's total of 300mg)

Breakfast: .15of a gram
Dinner: .15 of a gram

Like I said, the whole mg part of the heroin dose is only its weight--it doesn't reflect the actual mg of the drug. I noticed today that when I took my breakfast dose and didn't feel "that high" that I immediately wanted to take more. The cravings are immediate and hard. I also get really bad cravings at night that I need to talk about.

I look forward to everyone's advice, experience, and comments.

Thanks!
 
Just to keep everyone abreast of my situation: I just took my lunch-time (or mid-day or middle) dose of the day for day two, which was .11 on my digi scale. I could feel the initial shot and can still feel it ten minutes later. It's 6:30pm right now. My dinner time dose will be taken around bed-time, mostly to assure that I sleep. Sleeping, or lack there of, is something I have a lot of anxiety about. I've used it as a a solid excuse to use so many times. At times, I feel so anxious about sleeping that I can't sleep due to working myself up!

See you at bed time, or before if I get gnarly cravings!
 
Thanks Blue! I was reading a thread of yours--it spanned across a period of several months I believe--where you tapered off. You did it with methadone, right?

I just took my dinner dose for the evening. Before I did it, I took a few hits of crystal. So, I've done my dose but still feel the crystal a lot. I believe the crystal will soon wear off, however.

One thing I forgot to mention (or take account for) in my initial post was other drugs. With me, they are a slippery slope. Like, I'll partake in a little bit of meth (via smoking), and then all the sudden have a great excuse for using more dope. Same thing with alcohol and hangovers.

How do you folks deal with this?
 
neversickanymore asked me this question in the original thread: "Your doing great=D What else can you add to your support group besides BL to make even better and stronger?"

Thank you for asking me this question! I want to start with two things for now. 1) I want to make a spiritual commitment to journal to my higher power at least once a day. I used to be very spiritually connected with a higher power; that connection helped me though some of my most difficult life moments. 2) I need to be in contact with, and therefore accountable to, someone I know. I am trying to figure out who that person is. They must be safe, discreet, and supportive. I'm going to figure that out and report back to you folks before the night is over, hopefully!

Thanks!
 
Anonman17 - Can I ask you why you are tapering? Is it because you need to keep up with your full-time responsibilities for the next week or two?

My drug of choice is oxy (basically very alike) and in my experience, a taper never works.

Unless you have a CLEAN buddy administering your and he HOLDS the H, you'll fall back into the trap. It's what we do.

What is not allowing you to go cold turkey? Are you scared of the withdrawals? Do you have a family/work/obligations you need to fufil.

Just curious. As an addict who's relapsed 4-5 times, my most successful longest stints have been when I went cold turkey. And most humbling as well (makes you not want to go thru it again.. well to some degree ;)
 
Hey WC2--

I've only ever been successful on a taper, to be honest. I can't take the withdrawals. So, while tapers don't work a lot of the time--please don't say "never," because that isn't true. That being said, I know that I'll need a lot of support if I'm going to be successful, and that I may have slips. But, you do bring up something helpful: having a clean person hold and administer my meds. I am tapering from heroin to morphine pills. Once I make it down to the morphine pills, I can have my girlfriend (who is clean) hold and administer them. So, thanks for the idea!

As far as my full-time responsibilities: I can't afford to neglect them. I have a lot of school/work/personal obligations. Also, I should have said that I'm only trying to taper down enough to hop onto suboxone.

And, I said I would get back to folks about the person I would be confiding in: my friend Maggie, who is still currently in AA, seems like a safe bet. I just sent her a message. I'll let everyone know how that goes.
 
Also, in regard to my taper--I think I found my beginning dose; I'm starting to feel ill off of the amount I did today. That tells me that today's dose might be too low for me to sleep. At least I've got an idea of how to proceed now. Here is the next five days:

Tomorrow (total .3/300mg)

Breakfast: .15of a gram
Wait all day!
Dinner: .15 of a gram

Day (total .3/300mg)

Breakfast: .15of a gram
Wait all day!
Dinner: .15 of a gram

Day 4 (total .3/300mg)

Breakfast: .15of a gram
Wait all day!
Dinner: .15 of a gram

Day 5 (total .25/250mg)

Breakfast .10 of a gram
Wait all day!
Dinner: .15 of a gram

re-evaluate.
 
So, I learned something very valuable tonight. This seems like it should be common sense, but I did it anyways . . . I'm tapering off of opiates but I never restricted my intake of other substances. This evening, I was with someone who was smoking crystal, so I asked for and smoked a couple of hits. Usually, crystal wears off in about an hour (the crystal in these parts is a joke and I love it cuz it's so short acting!), but this stuff was legit and still hasn't worn off five hours later. If I want to catch some sleep and stay well, I'm gonna have to dose with some brown.

All this has taught me another valuable stipulation to my taper: No other substances! I'll have a beer if the situation calls for it, but nothing else. I should have been practicing this right from the gate and my failure to do so displays utter laziness and reservation to get clean--if I'm being honest.

I'm still keeping on tomorrow's dosing schedule of:

Tomorrow (total .3/300mg)

Breakfast: .15of a gram
Wait all day!
Dinner: .15 of a gram

It's easier for me to be sicky during the day vs. nighttime when I'm trying to sleep.

Thanks for listening to my rant. I'm satisfied so long as I'm making progress :)

Good night, see you in the morning!
 
Hey, I took my morning dose this morning and I got to be honest, I'm craving right now but not sick!

I do wish more people were replying to this thread, I'm really hoping for a lot of support
 
Anonman17 you can do this pal! By doing it you will be helping me to get through my own detox. Be strong and stick with it.
 
Get2Think said:
Anonman17 you can do this pal! By doing it you will be helping me to get through my own detox. Be strong and stick with it.
Click to expand...

thanks Get2Think! What are you detoxing from?

I got sober in 2009. Before that, I had gotten so bad that I was in and out of jails and living on the streets. When I got sober it was as if a miracle was overtaking my life. I began to walk again. I became functional, likable, capable! Most of the time, I was so happy! Eventually, I came back to college, have had a perfect GPA since starting and am even considering getting my doctorate.

Then I hurt my back. Now, to make a long story short, I've been using heroin everyday for two months. I'm putting everything at risk: a good job, a wonderful relationship, college, my pets, my relationships with my family and friends, material shit. Most frightening is that I feel cut off from God. I used to have such a strong feeling that God has a plan for me: now I'm not so sure. I want that relationship through other people. I'm hopping God will speak to me through a few of you folks.

I'm working on this heroin taper, and I gotta be honest: it's hard. Today is the closest I've gotten to my daily goal and I still chipped off a little extra.

I gotta live this taper, this attempt to be sober, one day at a time. There is no other way that I know.

Tomorrow's dose schedule:

Breakfast: .15of a gram
(.05 if needed)
Dinner: .15 of a gram

Other things I'm doing:

-In the process of talking with an old AA buddy so that I can get honest
-Journaling to God at night
-touching base with you folks
-*new* saying a prayer:
"Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.

I understand that a lot of people aren't into religion, and believe me--I've so far from Catholic. I just like this prayer because it's familiar and comforting.


Currently, I am drifting between the space of wanting and being willing to do what it takes. One day at a time, I pray I make it there.
 
Hey anonman
How are you feeling today?
What you are doing with your taper is not easy by any means but certainly possible. I wish I could have tapered but I just wanted to get the withdrawals over with.
As a result they were BAD but in a good way cause I never want to go through that again. Now it's just PAWS ugh
You can do this and posting here regularly is a good plan. :)
 
Hey Sosick,

I always wake up feeling hopeful. There is a stark difference in my cravings in the morning/during the day vs at night. It's like at night time the beast comes a sniffin'.

How long ago did you push through the WD? Wanna tell me about your PAWS? I remember the first time I got sober, I had terrible PAWS. I actually don't feel like I would have them to that degree again--but if I keep going maybe.
 
May I ask if you are continuing to use meth during this process or was that just a one time deal?
 
phactor said:
May I ask if you are continuing to use meth during this process or was that just a one time deal?
Click to expand...

That was a one-time deal. It was me being around something I had no business being around. I clearly can't use meth, or any other drugs safely--and I knew that but did it anyways because my addiction is a power much greater than myself.

So, my intentions are to stay away from drugs, taper off of opiates, get honest with a support system.

Did I answer your question?
 
Sure did. Since you seem familiar with the program, I suggest you take the suggestion about staying away from people, places and things seriously. You possibly might need new playmates and playgrounds.

If you are willing to work a program, do the steps, do a 90 in 90, get a sponsor then you have a great start.
 
I've done the program through and through. I'm not interested in returning to it, quite yet. I'm having a difficult time finding success with this taper. I might just try to hope on subboxone.
 
I tried to taper off h... I couldnt do it. I could never find the line between getting high and getting well... I always did more than i planned to. Subs might work for you. I did methadone but its hard to come off.
 
Yeah I was unable to taper off anything after awhile. My last successful taper was from suboxone but then I started using again. Its just by that time my ability to acquire substances had lessened, so I never was able to abuse opiates as much. I just switched back to Alcohol though. Those two substances were basically interchangeable for me when it came to my "DOC" (which is something I do not hear very often).

I'd suggest you find some sort of support, the program provides that but there are other ways as well. Online stuff is great, but it doesn't replace face to face support.
 
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