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Benzos Tapering Valium, down to 12.5mg, severely depressed...

R

Ringo88

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 7, 2015
Messages
159
I've been on some form of benzodiazepine use for about 2 and a half years. I started abusing Xanax when my dog was diagnosed with cancer, and I found out real quick after stopping how horrible WD was.

Anyways, 2 and a half years later, I've gone from Xanax, Ativan, to Klonopin, and finally Valium. Was on 2mg Klonopin a day, switched to 30mg Valium a day about a year ago. Just now down to 12.5mg.

Sometimes I seriously feel suicidal. I hate these drugs, and I feel like I will never get off them. I feel as though sometimes I would rather be dead, that I can't make it.

Is there any medication that could help? I've been on every SSRI except Luvox over a 6 year period, all they did was cause sexual dysfunction.

It's been a little over a month since I stopped Prozac. I smoke weed here and there, but it causes anxiety in me now sometimes, so even that is hard.

What should I do? I feel like my life is over, and there's nothing I can do about it.
 
I'm sure you've heard this before, but it gets better. Check out the subforums for recovery like the darkside - those people are empathetic and have been there and done that, so you will be able to relate. Sounds like you need someone to tell you that your situation won't last forever, and it won't. You're down to the home stretch, and the last part is always the hardest, just like it's always darkest before the dawn.
 
have you considered tapering down off the benzos entirely? they are almost certainly what is causing your depression, i appreciate the death of a a pet can be heart rending but its nothing to die over. have you spoken to your doctor about this issue? you obviously must have some kind of rapport with your local medical professional seeming as you have been on lots of different SSRIs, and they can put you into a supervised detox program.

also, have a read of the ashton manual here (http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha02.htm), its possibly the best resource there is for kicking benzos for good, and the fact that you are currently on valium makes it even simpler as that is the best benzo to taper with due to its long halflife.

i too was addicted for benzos for around three years, it took a while to get off them, but it can be done man, and i'm almost 100% back to normal.
 
Thanks guys. Keeping, my goal is to taper completely off. It's just at a point where every cut is hard as fuck, and I seriously don't enjoy any part of my life anymore. I feel detached, angry, sad. I feel hopeless. I have talked to my doctor, he doesn't know what to do. I'm seriously at a point where I think death would be better, and I know it's just going to get worse.
 
Ringo88 said:
Thanks guys. Keeping, my goal is to taper completely off. It's just at a point where every cut is hard as fuck, and I seriously don't enjoy any part of my life anymore. I feel detached, angry, sad. I feel hopeless. I have talked to my doctor, he doesn't know what to do. I'm seriously at a point where I think death would be better, and I know it's just going to get worse.
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i appreciate that you feel hopeless right now, but that is exactly what depression is; an inability to conceive of, or construct a future. if your doctor doesn't know what to do its time to get, at the very least, a second opinion. you're doing incredibly well for a two and a half year habit, 12.5mgs is so close. i remember withdrawing from etizolam and god, every time i cut down 0.05mgs was horrible, but you can't rush a tapering. in fact, its far better to taper too slowly than too quickly. it sounyds like your depression is firmly rooted in your issue with diazepam, which in a sense is helpful, as you can pinpoint exactly what you need to eradicate to dispel these intrusive, negative thoughts for good.

there's lots of options to consider here. personally, and i am no medical professional, just a guy who went through exactly what you are going through now, i think you need to consider switching doctors, perhaps seeing an addiction specialist, even a short stint in rehab. it would be such a waste to give up now when there are still many avenues for you to go down. it took me years to get where i am now and i never thought i would feel like a human being again, but now i feel a thousand percent better. it was worth it (and also extremely trying).

take it from one addict to the next, it truly does get better.
 
keeping said:
i appreciate that you feel hopeless right now, but that is exactly what depression is; an inability to conceive of, or construct a future. if your doctor doesn't know what to do its time to get, at the very least, a second opinion. you're doing incredibly well for a two and a half year habit, 12.5mgs is so close. i remember withdrawing from etizolam and god, every time i cut down 0.05mgs was horrible, but you can't rush a tapering. in fact, its far better to taper too slowly than too quickly. it sounyds like your depression is firmly rooted in your issue with diazepam, which in a sense is helpful, as you can pinpoint exactly what you need to eradicate to dispel these intrusive, negative thoughts for good.

there's lots of options to consider here. personally, and i am no medical professional, just a guy who went through exactly what you are going through now, i think you need to consider switching doctors, perhaps seeing an addiction specialist, even a short stint in rehab. it would be such a waste to give up now when there are still many avenues for you to go down. it took me years to get where i am now and i never thought i would feel like a human being again, but now i feel a thousand percent better. it was worth it (and also extremely trying).

take it from one addict to the next, it truly does get better.
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Thanks a lot man, means a lot. I will keep trying, no matter what. I would never commit suicide, it's just that feeling of being better off dead. I hate it. I wish I never took a benzo. I will look into another doctor, it's just so hard because I have no insurance, and don't make a lot of money.
 
Ringo88 said:
Thanks a lot man, means a lot. I will keep trying, no matter what. I would never commit suicide, it's just that feeling of being better off dead. I hate it. I wish I never took a benzo. I will look into another doctor, it's just so hard because I have no insurance, and don't make a lot of money.
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anytime mate. i'm assuming you live in the USA, so i'm not very familiar with the system you have to go through to seek treatment, but i can point you in the direction of people who will, this link here will take you to the recovery support section of bluelight, http://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/268-Recovery-Support

recovery support is an amazing resource and i used it frequently while i was struggling with my protracted withdrawl. i'm sorry i couldn't be of anymore help but the guys over there are just fantastic. get yourself over there and start a thread, you'll be once step closer to getting clean for good. feel free to add me as a contact and message me if your ever in need of someone to talk to. take care man.

- keeping
 
Do you ever wonder that if its the 6 year use of the SSRI's that screwed you up chemically in your brain & the benzo abuse pretty much took you to the edge?

The depression will eventually go away after you get off the benzos.....benzos are a double edged sword.

They can be a life saver, & your worst enemy......but IMO, SSRI's are evil & very destructive in their own use.
 
TheLostBoys said:
Do you ever wonder that if its the 6 year use of the SSRI's that screwed you up chemically in your brain & the benzo abuse pretty much took you to the edge?

The depression will eventually go away after you get off the benzos.....benzos are a double edged sword.

They can be a life saver, & your worst enemy......but IMO, SSRI's are evil & very destructive in their own use.
Click to expand...

This is wildly irresponsible advice.
 
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