I like your balanced outlook and candor Halif. I am in a risky place I know. I'm also in AA and have some solid people to support me through it. That being said, here I am having a bit of vodka to take the edge off before bed. Alas. I also have scripts for xanax and ambien. I take 2mg maximum xanny/day and the standard 10mg ambien dose at night, but I've been on those for years, didn't increase those when I quit drinking, and haven't upped them on the pod taper either. They don't work as well, but for me it's one thing at a time. As soon as I get some distance between me and the pods I can work on tapering the benzos, but that I'll do with my doc.
I'm wondering what you mixed in to try to replace the pods, mostly so I might avoid it. Thing is, with me, I don't enjoy benzos. I just like not being panicked. If I take more than normal, what some would consider recreational, I just get tired and kinda zombie-ish. I did love the pods for a long time, but after a while, as with all drugs, they just quit doing what they had done. The first few times I ate a goodly amount of grounds I felt fucking fantastic. After a while, it just starts to suck your life away, slowly, so you don't notice until you look around think, "shit, I used to enjoy xy&z normal things. Now look at me."
Anyway thanks for the well wishes and I'll keep you posted.