Well yesterday was a less than stellar day in many regards... work, regular day to day life, etc, and in the early afternoon I took 1mg suboxone. This wasn't planned at all, and I'd actually been doing well for almost a week at just 2mg. But I took the extra 1mg and it helped with some things - some mild physical stuff I was feeling, but of course it didn't help with the mental stuff that was going on. Taking an extra mg of suboxone certainly wasn't going to change some work crap that had come up, but I took it anyway.
I'm not sure how much of this was just the addict in me taking something when certain things get rough, or if even part of it was due to feeling some mild hot/cold flashes and sweating a bit. Well hell I didn't even try taking some propanolol or a klonopin, I just went to the extra suboxone, so I guess this was mainly the addict in me.
On a side note, I'm trying to resign myself to the fact that February is going to suck at work. I work part time (by choice) and I just got my schedule for February and they have me down for doing 38 hrs the first week, 36hrs the second, 38hrs the third.... you get the idea. I took this job bc I only want to work part time and they told me in my interview that I'd be working about 15hrs a week. This month it's been more like 25 hrs a week but I'm ok with that, but I'm not ok with working essentially 2 hrs less than full time. I talked with my boss and they basically adjusted my schedule so I'm working about 33 hrs a week. There are many reasons why I'm only wanting to work part time right now (too many to get into right now) but it just sucks knowing that February is going to suck.
A couple people have said "well try and look at this as at least you'll be making more money".... well I can assure you the money isn't worth it. Yes, I do have debt on my credit cards due to buying oxy, but at the same time my day to day needs are not in jeopardy (my apartment, food, clothes, car, etc). Long story short is that I'm transitioning back into working again after having been off for a long time due to illness (1 stroke, 3 mini strokes, depression), and the reason I looked only for a part time job was to help ease the transition back into working and keep things as mellow as possible. That's why I didn't want to go from working 0 hrs to 40hrs so quickly.
I realize I'm being pessimistic about February, and maybe things will turn out better than I think they will, but for right now I'm still pissed off about them pulling this crap with my hours - scheduling just enough hours so they don't have to pay benefits but at the same time essentially working me full time.
Ok, rant over.......,,,