I have a funny detox story. Here it goes:
When I went into MMT five years ago, I remember thinking: OMG. Here it goes. A second time. Again.
I was sick, withdrawing. I had no focus. I just wanted to feel better, but that did not happen right away. Different counselors were telling me to sit here and then sit there. I'm filling out form after form, sitting here and there. Finally I look up and see this young, attractive girl reading a book on addiction. A counselor walks over, who I later became good friends with, and he says to her, "ok ok." Some conversation about detoxing and how she did so well in this clinic. She just nods. She continues to read. I'm sweating and don't know what to do. To divert myself from the sickness I was experiencing I decide to engage her in some conversation. "What dosage are you on?"
She replies, "Oh, well, it's been two years, and I've been high most of the time so I really don't remember." Huh. And there were ppl everywhere, I mean, just WTF. I was looking for information about detox. And the answer I got was that she was high on this and that. Did the counselor really care? Did she care? I guess she was going out so what was the most they could do to her.
Then the next day, some dude offers me some stix. The place was loaded with guys and gals like this.
Honestly the ppl who detoxed MMT there were either very pleased - "ok, sir, this 120 is now 119," or displeased, "hey, nurse, listen I'm down to 80 and I'm dying I need to go back up!"
This place was just full of jokers. Per esempio: I mean, for some reason, after weeks and weeks of group I finally graduated to another, better group. This group was more intensive. The counselor who supervised the attractive young girl (who presumably had fully detoxed by now) was there. He kept talking about talent, about artistry. I thought, this is weird. Then he pointed to me, "My man, I know you can play." And he just kept on saying that. I don't know where he found out that I could play guitar and piano, or that I was very talented as he called it. I guess I had mentioned I was a piano teacher, and maybe that was the reason but that alone does not equate talent or creativity. Somehow he was convinced I was some sort of jazz genius. And the staff were planning my next phase-up so I could get more bottles. I decided to play along. I told him, "yea I play jazz."
Truth was I hadn't played guitar in a bit. I was playing and teaching piano but had no guitar students at the time. I was still getting my foot on the ground, so to speak. It was about 3 months since I touched my electric. I quickly studied the chords for Dave Brubeck's "Take Five." I memorized them and brought in the guitar next week as promised. I just played. And played. This went on during the group session.
"My man! Talented, talented, god bless. Extremely talented. My god." He just went on. "You know, there's lots of talented people here in the clinic, but you just don't seem them." It was a weird, yet satisfying moment. The fact that I could still get my chops together and play. But for a methadone clinic! Those groups went nowhere I swear - that group was fun though. After I played that day, I gained respect from virtually everyone in the staff. They knew I had fucked around in the very beginning, but they let everything go and I did get my take-home.
All this time I was still thinking of that girl - will I be able to taper? Or will I be getting high. I finally did taper, I did it on my own. It was not fun, but I learned a lot of things, got myself out of methadone for good, and was able to create a life for myself. If I get to where I'm going I will definitely visit the clinic, bring my guitar, and play some "Take Five" again, just for the hell of it. I'm sure they'll get a kick out of that and the fact that I finally detoxed methadone, something that everybody in my life was thinking, "well, its going to happen, but when?"
On a serious note, if you do need to detox, best bet from old-timers I've heard is to slowly decrease your methadone - then try the bupe route. Just don't get used to the bupe. And you're out. The only problem is you need to be in withdrawal to use the bupe.
Peace,
mandraxx
