ions
Mr. Fantasy
So long as you do your best, people that matter will notice it. And gravitate toward your success.
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Life Advice & Visual Arts
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talking to people
- Thread starter saucygirl
- Start date
mal3volent
Bluelight Crew
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I like people who are a bit rough around the edges. I don't trust people who aren't, if I'm being honest. Which I am.
ions
Mr. Fantasy
Smooth operators squeak by as needed. Tend to be non-confrontational.
A little tough love, and honesty will go far too. I'm not too fond of liars or habitual liars.
A little tough love, and honesty will go far too. I'm not too fond of liars or habitual liars.
Zopiclone bandit
Bluelighter
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Yes 100% YES.
saucygirl
Bluelighter
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Not sure respect always, but I do try to see the good in people and feel bad about myself when I let my impulsive emotions bring others down. I enjoy bringing people together but sometimes get irked by closemindedness and try to rectify it sometimes aggressively which may be a lost cause
Confrontation is important for me to understand each other
Nas47
Road-Weary Traveler
Talk somehow....if i am in mood to talk....intelligente or not
Mjäll
Bluelighter
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Hexenstahl
Bluelighter
I have noticed that good communicators are the ones who listen more than talk. They only talk when necessary and when they talk they choose their words carefully so as to convey their message in the most precise way while ensuring that the other side doesn't misunderstand them. They have a small to non-existent ego. Their concern is not winning arguments, impressing others with their artificial eloquence, or talk for the sake of it (something that is very annoying about us women). No, they just want to get their message across and perhaps even enrich others' perspectives by adding their own to it. The latter ofc requires that the recipients of the message equally lack an overblown ego, which is unfortunately an exotic rarity in our modern world of "I have a copyright on truth".
I have met very few people in my life who would qualify as good communicators. Almost all the rest are children trapped in adult bodies who pretend like they are listening to you but in reality can't wait to "prove" how wrong you are. This is very often expressed euphemistically by the famous words "yeah sure, BUT..." which is really a polite way of saying "look bitch, I don't care what you have to say! Lemme educate you now about what's REALLY going on muhfakka!".
We would live in a better, and more enlightened world if schools would teach kids something that's actually useful and would lead to a greater understanding of themselves and others. Something like this perhaps:
I have met very few people in my life who would qualify as good communicators. Almost all the rest are children trapped in adult bodies who pretend like they are listening to you but in reality can't wait to "prove" how wrong you are. This is very often expressed euphemistically by the famous words "yeah sure, BUT..." which is really a polite way of saying "look bitch, I don't care what you have to say! Lemme educate you now about what's REALLY going on muhfakka!".
We would live in a better, and more enlightened world if schools would teach kids something that's actually useful and would lead to a greater understanding of themselves and others. Something like this perhaps:
saucygirl
Bluelighter
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saucygirl
Bluelighter
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@Hexenstahl for those of us without 8 hours to spare, could you explain how we can learn useful things? Like the process as well as things you personally learned?
Hexenstahl
Bluelighter
You mean learning things in a general sense? As in the process or the art of learning itself?
jasperkent
Bluelighter
^this^
Non-verbal cues like body language and tone of voice are also extremely important. I've been told by more than one person that my emotions are easy to read. I consider that an advantage to communication in that I'm not sending mixed messages or confusing signals. It also means that I'm a terrible liar and thus am forced to be honest. My intentions are always clear: what you see is what you get.
saucygirl
Bluelighter
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In one of my favorites TV shows, a character talks about "jamming" their opinions down the throat of a new born baby that they plan to adopt.
Im going to be an uncle soon. I'm scared to even say shit.. and I sometimes can't even follow my own train of thought. I plan to mostly lead by example, but I'm not really planning or expecting anything
Just wondering what you think would nurture a mind that is healthy enough to understand the ins and outs of what you posted about.
How do people learn to be open-minded, accepting, understanding? Or even confident, positive and authentic?
Edit- but yeah I guess learning too you can't learn that shit if you don't.. know how to learn?
Foreigner
Bluelighter
Some of the most intelligent people I've ever known were great at socializing, it's just that deep down they didn't care. lol
How does that saying go?... most people talk about people, fewer talk about events, and even fewer talk about ideas?
Yeah... most people are into gossip or current events. So talk about one of those and you'll be alright.
Personally, it's not that I can't talk to people... I can make conversation with almost anybody. Stimulating conversation is rare. I don't think it's that "a lot of people are intelligent but just not good at expressing it." It seems to me that a lot of people are not deep thinkers whatsoever. There are a lot of obsessive/compulsive thinkers out there, but their thoughts are repetitive, not deep. The ones who are intelligent but can't put words to it, when I communicate ideas to them they immediately express gratitude for helping them find the words. But those people are not common. Every now and then, I come across somebody who is mentally/verbally unexpressive, but can do crazy things with their body -- so they have high tactile intelligence. Again though, not very common.
Most people, when I communicate ideas to them, they either don't engage whatsoever, or they engage very minimally out of politeness and then revert back to their normal program. I would not say this makes them stupid, just boring. I'm ok with people not caring about the things I care about, I just wish I could find more people that do, so I would feel less isolated. The few high caliber friends I have, we talk for hours about everything... we just don't shut up. It's so nourishing.
How does that saying go?... most people talk about people, fewer talk about events, and even fewer talk about ideas?
Yeah... most people are into gossip or current events. So talk about one of those and you'll be alright.
Personally, it's not that I can't talk to people... I can make conversation with almost anybody. Stimulating conversation is rare. I don't think it's that "a lot of people are intelligent but just not good at expressing it." It seems to me that a lot of people are not deep thinkers whatsoever. There are a lot of obsessive/compulsive thinkers out there, but their thoughts are repetitive, not deep. The ones who are intelligent but can't put words to it, when I communicate ideas to them they immediately express gratitude for helping them find the words. But those people are not common. Every now and then, I come across somebody who is mentally/verbally unexpressive, but can do crazy things with their body -- so they have high tactile intelligence. Again though, not very common.
Most people, when I communicate ideas to them, they either don't engage whatsoever, or they engage very minimally out of politeness and then revert back to their normal program. I would not say this makes them stupid, just boring. I'm ok with people not caring about the things I care about, I just wish I could find more people that do, so I would feel less isolated. The few high caliber friends I have, we talk for hours about everything... we just don't shut up. It's so nourishing.
saucygirl
Bluelighter
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Interesting - cool.
I too have heard that express, re: the weather.
I'm ready a book right now where a lot of the characters are of few words. Powerful, well articulated, but again, hardly verbose.
Deep conversations, sure. That's definitely interesting.. and sure, most people ruminate (you didn't use that word, but) and I'd be lying to say I didn't.
Interests may be the difference, articulation may be the difference, but I have a nagging feeling that it may also be a pretty evident and uncomfortable misunderstanding of where the other person is coming from.
I do not believe there is a correct way to communicate. This is how we get caught up on differences. It should be the opposite. Finding harmony.
So @Foreigner , do you seek harmony? Do you include people regardless of perceived differences?
Not trying to attack, just to understand everyone here.
Thanks
Hexenstahl
Bluelighter
Any advice that one could give, will neccessarily be an outgrowth of one's subjective life experiences that have been made and shape how the child perceives the world. This in turn dictates the quality of thoughts and behaviour that they might express, which in turn influences their likes and dislikes, successes and failures in life. So I think in order to convey, or teach good values to a child, you must always keep in mind that your advice could be based on a false premise and therefore cultivate a healthy amount of scepticism and the curiousity to make ones own experiences regarding whatever topic is being discussed. This excludes obviously detrimental things such as experimenting with drugs or hurting animals.
Anyway, here are a few values you could teach them (I'm open to criticism):
- develop a proactive attitude instead of a reactive one. The former gives you the ability to create and explore, the latter turns your life into maintenance mode.
- emotions cloud judgement, regardless of whether they are negative (hate) or positive (romantic love). Keep this in mind before making decisions. Don't let this turn into emotional repression however.
- humans are irrational herd animals. Never follow the masses as they are chronically bipolar and have historically never been right on anything. Don't become a contrarian for its own sake, but take a step back when everyone runs towards the cliff and consider the possibility that they might be wrong. This requires an independent mind, self-awareness and a certain amount of impulse and emotional control.
- it's ok to admit not knowing something.
- nothing is the way it seems. There is more to this world than meets the eye. Have the courage to inquire into the true nature of things, even if it means exploring territory that the mainstream would consider "fringe". The greatest discoveries and inventions have never come from the mainstream, but always from the fringe outsiders.
- stay humble. The "crazy" homeless guy who manically talks to himself might have been very succesful if the circumstances of his life wouldn't have messed with him so much.
- balance reason with intuition. Don't let the system take away your inner voice and imagination. It's an integral part of you.
- pick up some classical literature as early as possible. Not only will getting accustomed to the archaic use of the english language make you more articulate and intelligent, it will also confront you with perspectives about life and the world that you might not have considered. A classicist education benefits you a trillion times more than what modern, crappy schools teach you. What DO they actually teach these days, other than being a good, compliant slave who must keep the economic machine running for the sake of it?
- Unplug. Take some time off of your daily activities, turn off your electronic devices, put your book down, turn off the music and reflect a bit on yourself. "Know thyself" is not possible when you are constantly busy or distracted doing something. Sometimes not doing anything and looking inward teaches you great things about yourself and how your mind and human nature works.
- I know this one will be polarizing, but throw out that mass hypnosis device that people call television (tell-your-vision). And for god's sake please don't throw a smartphone into the little ones' cribs. These devices completely mess with people's attention spans, enslave their minds, turn them into zombies who are locked in a digital world that deceives them into believing that it's an accurate representation of the real world, and has an overall degrading effect on people's interpersonal skills. You have kids these days who communicate via WhatsApp, even though they are in the same room, people going to bed with these devices, being unable to go outside without using google maps because all those years of using it has practically wrecked their spatial awareness, family members not talking with each other during dinner because everyone is so busy doing infinite scrolling, etc.
This addiction has become so widespread that people don't even perceive it as such. I replaced mine with a good ol' dumbphone in 2018 and I suddenly noticed how much of my daily life these things consumed. Generation Head-Down is real.
"It's cool to use the computer, don't let the computer use you."
Prince (1999)
- Harmonizing polarities is the secret to perfection (I won't elaborate on this one. It is a mystery that you have to solve all by yourself).
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saucygirl
Bluelighter
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Thanks @Hexenstahl
Well noted about emotions can be repressed, but ultimately do cloud judgement to sn extent.
Well noted that the television is, for lack of a more interesting reply, not a healthy medium
Well noted that intuition is important, but healthy scepticism as well.
My only question here (at the moment) is, for you personally, what has classical literature taught you? And for anyone else, what should be conscious in one's mind while reading these things? Aside from open-minded ess, is there anything else that should be examined in these pieces, specifically? Or possibly more or equally as important, things to take "lightly"?
May have more Qs later
Again, thank you!!
Well noted about emotions can be repressed, but ultimately do cloud judgement to sn extent.
Well noted that the television is, for lack of a more interesting reply, not a healthy medium
Well noted that intuition is important, but healthy scepticism as well.
My only question here (at the moment) is, for you personally, what has classical literature taught you? And for anyone else, what should be conscious in one's mind while reading these things? Aside from open-minded ess, is there anything else that should be examined in these pieces, specifically? Or possibly more or equally as important, things to take "lightly"?
May have more Qs later
Again, thank you!!