Talking about suicidal thoughts and not getting locked up

[falsifiedhypothesi]

I want to seek help but in my mind I'm stuck. In one direction I see a lifetime of addiction to opiates while trying to internalize my depression, possibly suicide in the future but not soon. In the other direction I would have to admit to the full extent my feelings about suicide and depression to someone. then after being possibly locked up and/or exposed to my family as weak minded I would start a possibly endless line of treatment, pill after pill continues to do nothing as I continue to waste my youth absolutely miserable.

The choice probably seems clear to anyone else but at least I could somewhat enjoy myself on and off opiates for the past 6 months. The suicidal thoughts were 95% gone and I didn't feel on the verge of an anxiety attack every other day even when I wasn't high

 

[Mysterie]

i'm not so sure that it is possible to predict what the outcome will be for the future based on what you think.

i am surprised alot by how doing things i might have had some fear around, brings a lot of happiness into my life.

i do not believe that a mental health professional will try to section you because you are opening up about you feelings of suicide and depression. this is actually a really important step forward, in order to see the value in a perspective other than your own. you may have thought that this is the only way things are going to be, you are going to be depressed forever and nothing will ever change. perhaps if you open yourself up to receiving some emotional support you could see the possibility of a sense of hope or even acceptance of your own feelings.

you know what you need to do in order to take care of yourself, don't let an old safe haven like opiates get in the way of your wellbeing, the earlier you can experience some change from your cycle of addiction, the better off your mental health will be in the future. it won't be instant gratification like popping a pill, but the gifts keep giving more and more every year.

 

[herbavore]

Hopefully your family is not so ignorant as to consider you "weak minded" for depression and suicidal thoughts. If they are, don't give up hope. Ignorance is just a lack of education and most families get educated really fast when it is their family member suffering. Unless a counselor considers you to be an immediate danger to yourself or others they will not even consider forcibly committing you so put that worry aside. You need help and you deserve help. Try as many therapists as you need. There is no need to try pill after pill until you have explored all the non-medication options. A good therapist will be attuned to that so keep looking if you don't feel absolutely safe with the first person you see.

Look into CBT and mindfulness training as ways to dislodge old thought patterns and shed light on how you may be holding yourself in addiction with negative and defeatist thinking. It takes patience and diligence to change thought patterns but it is powerful medicine. The belief that you can only feel good on opiates is a false belief even though it may be true right now.

 

[thinkarez]

I understand completely I've been kinda off opioids for five years I've been on methadone and or suboxone. I'm so sick of people being fake not understanding and treating me like shit . If I could of stayed on heroin I would of been viewed as normal, isn't that fucked up.

I understand why people turn to suicide its tough when you can't find your place in this life. I've been through so much and "normal " people just don't get it. So if you're like me take the time to help someone like us. .you never know you may be helping someone just like me or you.

 

[RiseAgain]

I understand completely, I've been through it all. If your family were to consider you weak minded then fuck them cause they'd have to be pretty weak minded themselves to think that, and I'm sure they'll understand once they educate themselves and you explain things to them, if not you should be happy you're not as ignorant and retarded as them.

If anyone ever considers you weak minded it's only because they're not you, and obviously you are very strong, that's why you're asking for help. IMO nobody is "weak minded" everyone just has different experiences dealing with different things and a lot of people are blind and can't see much beyond their own perspective.

I recently came out of a very dark place and while I was in that hole I took some shrooms to try to help me find perspective, it helped a lot but I had to resist the compulsion to kill myself during the trip and for months afterwards while processing everything. I could do this not because I'm strong but because I have a LOT of experience with psychedelics from when I was younger. I wouldn't reccommend that to anyone else in my position because I know that if I didn't have all that previous EXPERIENCE with psychedelics I would be dead. Nobody is weak minded, everyone is different and everyone has had different life experiences. Fuck all the dickheads who are too ignorant to see that. That's why we need to help each other, nobody is weak, but we are at our strongest when we help each other with things that we have experience with.

I'm still typing I'll post some more in a sec...

 

[RiseAgain]

If you need support one of the most important things I've found is supporting others is just as important for healing as having others support you.

When you talk to a mental health professional you have to remember that they are people just like everyone else and just because they have a degree doesn't mean they're an understanding helpful person. Honestly a lot of mental health professionals are pretty ignorant, some are even judgemental pricks and some are just in it for the money and just want to give their patients a few pills to get their kickbacks from the pharmaceutical companies. Medicine and mental health are just like any other profession so it is important that you find someone you can trust and build a relationship with them. If you don't want to be put on meds a psychologist is much better than a psychiatrist and there are plenty of psyches who don't like how the mental health system operates, some don't make diagnoses because they think it's better to treat people as individuals and help them with their unique emotional problems instead of labelling them, some are very anti medication and don't consider hospitalization to be helpful in any circumstances.

It could take some time, but you need to find someone who you can trust, you don't have to open up straight away.

 

[Mysterie]

If you need support one of the most important things I've found is supporting others is just as important for healing as having others support you.

When you talk to a mental health professional you have to remember that they are people just like everyone else and just because they have a degree doesn't mean they're an understanding helpful person. Honestly a lot of mental health professionals are pretty ignorant, some are even judgemental pricks and some are just in it for the money and just want to give their patients a few pills to get their kickbacks from the pharmaceutical companies. Medicine and mental health are just like any other profession so it is important that you find someone you can trust and build a relationship with them. If you don't want to be put on meds a psychologist is much better than a psychiatrist and there are plenty of psyches who don't like how the mental health system operates, some don't make diagnoses because they think it's better to treat people as individuals and help them with their unique emotional problems instead of labelling them, some are very anti medication and don't consider hospitalization to be helpful in any circumstances.

It could take some time, but you need to find someone who you can trust, you don't have to open up straight away.

those are some really excellent points. lots of people place so much faith in doctors/psychologists/psychiatrists as professions, when some of those people are just as messed up as the people they are treating! a piece of paper means not very much in the scheme of things

 

[RiseAgain]

You can talk about your fear of being locked up and they will understand, they are There to help you. People only really get detained when there is immediate danger. You will not be treated like that if you are honest and open, if you talk about suicide you need to be 100% honest about why you feel that way you do and that you want to work through it.

It's not really something I would talk about straight away, not until you feel comfortable. Try to put yourself in their shoes, if you meet a new counsellor and tell them that you're thinking about killing yourself there are plenty who will have you detained for assessment because they wouldn't know much about you and they would be drawing from previous experiences, how would they know that you wouldn't do it? Most mental health workers have seen it happen a lot and don't want to take taut risk. This is why it is important to build a trusting relationship and be 100% honest so they can help you. The more honest you are the more control you have.

They're are some red flags that can get you locked up if you tell them to a mental health worker. The main ones are if you tell them you've made plans to kill yourself or if you tell them that you're having compulsions to kill yourself. You should never mention those things until you know you can share them safely and your psyche/counsellor understands, as long as you are honest with them you will always be in control.

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

Unfortunately I'm so shut down most of the time it's near impossible for me to develop a meaningful relationship with anyone. I had a breakdown a couple years ago and my mom didn't really understand but tried to help, my dad just seemed to think I was lazy and unmotivated, which isn't untrue.

I have no idea how to talk to a shrink or how to tell a good one from bad, every session I've had just seemed like a large waste of time. If I do open up I'm afraid I'll just spew it all out at once and end up sending the wrong message.

 

[Mysterie]

You have to try to open up to them or you will never know. If you feel comfortable in their presence and they seem to be friendly and genuine, that is a good start.

If they try to guilt trip you or are judgemental of you, you can just see another one. You might know someone who saw a psychologist or counsellor in the past and found them helpful and you could see them through that recommendation.

I think it's best being honest about suicidal thoughts it's not something that is uncommon with a major depressive episode, getting it off your chest should be therapeutic, not a cause for concern of being locked up. It could take a few sessions to build some trust up though I guess, I think you should give it a shot.

 

[RiseAgain]

Unfortunately I'm so shut down most of the time it's near impossible for me to develop a meaningful relationship with anyone. I had a breakdown a couple years ago and my mom didn't really understand but tried to help, my dad just seemed to think I was lazy and unmotivated, which isn't untrue.

I have no idea how to talk to a shrink or how to tell a good one from bad, every session I've had just seemed like a large waste of time. If I do open up I'm afraid I'll just spew it all out at once and end up sending the wrong message.

I had the same problem. Writing down the things that I was afraid to talk about helped. I couldn't talk about certain things without fear of losing control and coming across as crazy. What I did was I wrote down the thoughts and problems that I was afraid to say out loud and had my doctor read them at the start of the session and told him that I want help to deal with those thoughts, flashbacks and feelings. This helped a lot and allowed me to talk about it without the fear of having to tell him and coming across as crazy.

 

[herbavore]

If I do open up I'm afraid I'll just spew it all out at once and end up sending the wrong message.

It is impossible for you to send the wrong message. If what is going on inside has been blocked up for so long that it threatens to come spewing out completely uncensored, that is very good evidence that your survival depends on it coming out, messy and out of control as that may feel. It is scary to reveal yourself in front of another human being when you are terrified to reveal yourself to yourself. Once you let the process start, it simply shows itself to be a lot easier than you have been imagining (at least that was my own experience).

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

If what is going on inside has been blocked up for so long that it threatens to come spewing out completely uncensored, that is very good evidence that your survival depends on it coming out

and that is precisely why I am afraid of being sent to an inpatient facility. Maybe someone else in my position would benefit from being sent off but I view it as a massive violation of my human rights to detain me, I respect authority but only to a degree even if it is for my benefit. Im sure it's unlikely to happen but it still bothers me that I could be detained.

I don't know how I'm going to do this, most of the times I have seen a psych I just lock up and tell them the good points in my life or they just didn't have anything insightful/helpful to say so I end up dumping them.

 

[thedawn]

most likely you'd be better off trying till someone clicks.
I was sent inpatient in the last year=horrible experience.
but if you independently talk to a psych and feel them out,
you'll be fine talking about whats going on.
maybe you need just someone who understands ,'
it is horrible being all alone with these feelings.

 

[RiseAgain]

Falsifiedhypothesi, you won't get locked up. I can tell you have your head straight and the pshyche will be able to see that to. There is a big difference between someone who has bothersome thoughts and someone who is psychotic and needs to be in hospital. It's obvious to me that the thoughts are not controlling you and you have a lot of insight and a very firm grasp on reality, the doctors will see this and you will be fine.