Tales of Grigore: I must love myself

[Grigore]

Dose:11 datura flowers
Weight:60kg

After the resplendent sunset, an effulgent haze accompanies the Moon's ineluctable arrival.
As I attempt to enjoy my pungent cup of datura tea, melancholic memories and forgotten feelings engulf my last thoughtful gulp.

There I was, sitting on my old wooden chair in the protective corner of my dark room.

'' -What have I become? Am I really the slave of my morbid fantasies?
Have I lived long enough to realize that my existence is meaningless?'' I whisper to the ignorant walls.

*Silence*

Aground in sadness, I aimlessly wonder.

My single picture from childhood hangs on the wall in front of me. An innocent soul slowly consumed by insanity.

'' -Where's the forsaken innocence, the gullible yet joyful child...where have I lost myself?''

As I mentally project myself into the picture, reality gently fades away...

Pervaded by haziness, several hours into the night vanish, as well as my sanity.

I find myself laying on a weatherbeaten grave.
Just another tremble, just another spark of hope...
Just one more meaningless emotion, before I start to choke.

*An old man with a bunny hat laughing in the distance*

'' -There you go mate, are you here now?'' whispers the old man.
'' -I never was.''
'' -I guess I don't exist then.''
*The old man disappears*

I woke up, half day later in my bathroom.
Fortunately, I was only covered in my own blood, shit and urine and hadn't left my apartment.

This is all that I remember.

I must love myself.

 

[AbusedTampon]

Dose:11 datura flowers
Weight:60kg

After the resplendent sunset, an effulgent haze accompanies the Moon's ineluctable arrival.
As I attempt to enjoy my pungent cup of datura tea, melancholic memories and forgotten feelings engulf my last thoughtful gulp.

There I was, sitting on my old wooden chair in the protective corner of my dark room.

'' -What have I become? Am I really the slave of my morbid fantasies?
Have I lived long enough to realize that my existence is meaningless?'' I whisper to the ignorant walls.

*Silence*

Aground in sadness, I aimlessly wonder.

My single picture from childhood hangs on the wall in front of me. An innocent soul slowly consumed by insanity.

'' -Where's the forsaken innocence, the gullible yet joyful child...where have I lost myself?''

As I mentally project myself into the picture, reality gently fades away...

Pervaded by haziness, several hours into the night vanish, as well as my sanity.

I find myself laying on a weatherbeaten grave.
Just another tremble, just another spark of hope...
Just one more meaningless emotion, before I start to choke.

*An old man with a bunny hat laughing in the distance*

'' -There you go mate, are you here now?'' whispers the old man.
'' -I never was.''
'' -I guess I don't exist then.''
*The old man disappears*

I woke up, half day later in my bathroom.
Fortunately, I was only covered in my own blood, shit and urine and hadn't left my apartment.

This is all that I remember.

I must love myself.

Damn man, that's something hard to imagine. I think datura can really fuck you up. *Sticking back to opiates :/*

 

[Grigore]

Psychosis never failed to teach me something about myself while datura never failed to remove boredom from my life.

 

[Hiltoniano]

There are much better ways to learn about oneself, as well as MUCH better ways to alleviate boredom.

 

[Grigore]

Thanks for only telling me that there are much better ways to do so and so and not mention them.
Maybe those other ways haven't worked for me or maybe I simply chose to live like this because this is how I want to live.

 

[plateau_connector]

What do you get out of datura? I'm curious because the one time I took it I don't even remember the experience. It sounds like you only remember bits and pieces. Everyone I have ever spoken with about it reports the same, no memory of the experience, or spotty memories at best. I do realize it is used as a shamanic ally in Tibet, and I have never understood how anyone could possible "work" a datura experience. I took mushrooms with passionflower last night, and was able to work inside that space for several hours. I remember the entire experience with great clarity. I internally accomplished specific goals. These days I ingest plants with specific intention, with the exception of cannabis which I use as a cure all. I mention this because it seems you are applying a loose kind of methodology to your datura trips, ie every five days, and having taken datura I cant imagine there is much pleasure in these frequent return trips, you must feel like you are getting something out of it or you are self destructive.... Do you simply enjoy the madness of waking up and not knowing what you did the night before? Do you retrace the trail of blood and shit like some delirious Sherlock Holmes hoping to decipher what your body did while your mind was erased? I really want to understand. Datura is one of those plants that in my experience cannot be "worked", instead, it works you.

 

[Grigore]

In order to satisfy your curiosity,I must firstly admit that I have problems.And when I say problems,I really mean it.
Apart from the fact that my strongest desire is to slowly and painfully kill myself,datura represents the main reason why I'm still alive because otherwise I would've had killed myself by commiting suicide years before writing this reply.
Excuse my psychotic thinking pattern,maybe,when I'll recover my sanity I'll see the truth from a different perspective.
While talking with my dead grandmother which calmly went to the kitchen and answered my question about her physical condition before I asked her,I realized that eventually,she will either call the police or poison me.
I embraced the fact that,maybe,the meaning of life is to give life a meaning,as long as this world provides you the opportunity of expressing yourself and living according to your desires,I would fucking death curse the shit out of the morbid deceased and soul draining entities that are gathering for a feast,watching me right as I'm breathing,once again,once again,once again,thinking that I'm not aware of their presence,until my last exhalation.
..waiting for ''that moment'' to come.Hearing...tasting...feeling the intensity of emotional numbness pervading my being,melting the fragmented reality which no longer assures the tomorrow.
No.I want to do it by myself,I don't need their help.I will no longer be.

 

[Torresmo]

Thanks for only telling me that there are much better ways to do so and so and not mention them.
Maybe those other ways haven't worked for me or maybe I simply chose to live like this because this is how I want to live.

Well, there are thousands of drugs you could try and are easy to get, and I can think of at least 50 that would give you a better time than datura, for sure...

 

[Grigore]

Well,master,why wouldn't you share some of your knowledge to a datura fiend that maybe doesn't even have access to those many other substances that you can think of and not mention them?
My fragmented ego is begging you to do so.