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TALENT/HOBBY/WHAT DEFINED YOU? Now by the wayside due to drugs..

mareseatoats

mareseatoats

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Sep 14, 2011
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Just an idea for a thread that came to me tonight...

I always loved artistry-was an avid drawer, painter; that was my thing. Art was what made me- ME!

But then drugs came along...and slowly, but surely, creating art of any kind began to fall by the wayside until I just no longer had any interest in it; just didn't feel like doing it anymore/ever.

I have been in recovery for over a year now, and sadly still have no desire to do anything that has something to do with art. Where is the motivation for this skill that I once held? Why is it that with some of this spare time I have gained back, I distance myself so much from the one thing I can do so well?

I also wanted to hear from you all- Have you experienced this same sort of phenomena with a talent you posses, but no longer express? Whether you are using now, or have gotten away from the drug use, can you share a similar experience like mine-the greatest skill you OWNED and enjoyed, just kind of faded away into the background as your using progressed, and it is still just in the background?

It will be very interesting to hear from you and how this question pertains to your life. I've never asked anyone this one before, so I'd really love to hear from you; to know what it's like for others who have felt the same way about this as me.

Thanks all, and stay safe and well!! (mods, this question seemed to fit in DS, but if not, I apologize, don't mind if you need to move it:)
 
If you are an artist, use the good, the bad and the ugly to your advantage. Make it into art.. make lack of drive to create art.. into art. Make the white light, and newfound love for life, into art.
 
My depression led to total apathy, I could only function at work and did nothing the rest of the time, I love to work on my motorcycles and classic scooters and has a great interest in music and film but they all fell away.

My best advice is to start painting even if you really feel you don't want to, I've just finished a course of CBT and this was the advice I was given and I found it has started to work, don't expect it to work overnight but its only you that can change yourself. If you want your art back then fight for it. Set aside some time, I actually made a schedule for a number of things I wanted to do but wasn't doing and kept to it. At first it felt forced and not natural but in time that has started to change.

Pick up that brush / pen or what ever and spend a bit of time on a regular basis you might find the joy and interest returns, you've got nothing to lose.

Best wishes
 
You still enjoy the things you used to do. I don't know what drugs you were into, but I had a 5 year opiate habit I kicked a month ago. The truth is you come to equate fun, pleasure, interest, enjoyment with the drug. And that's a thing that takes time to come back.

But I mean while using I always found like all parts of the day when I wasn't high I was just kind of enduring or killing time until I could get to my next dose. So nothing other than that was fun.

It comes back though I catch myself now getting engaged and interested feeling happy doing just regular things and that's the way regular life is. It just takes time, the pleasure centre of your brain needs to physically readjust to the way it works without drugs, the key is to just keep yourself busy and get involved with activities and structured things you have an interest in. It might seem like you're forcing yourself to for a while but for sure after a while you'll find it bringing enjoyment.
 
I've never been artsy - or artistically talented in any manner (dammit - I envy those of you who are) - so my addictions haven't taken any of that away. I was, however, a great student, master's degree - and had a great job at our State Bar in the Attorney Ethics Division. (A very busy department!! ;) ) I was a great researcher, writer and worked heavily in litigation. And I was good - consistently good, for ten years.

Then came the drugs. At first it was xanax and a few too many somas. (Soma kicks my ass for some reason - more harsh than heroin.) Then came the abusive boyfriend, the beatings and the TBI. Fast forward to now...I've re-learned a few things, like typing, reading, talking, etc. But I've mostly learned to take drugs, and to love them. I'm picky about what I take, but what I like, I really like. I way over-do it. And here I am now...an unemployed (unemployable?) junkie who can barely put together a legible paragraph. And I've burned all my bridges as far as working in the field I love. I doubt I'll ever be able to get any of that back. I have no one to blame but myself.

I do, however, have two lovely grown daughters, one with three kids, who lives close to me. I've never lost that joy. That girl is on her toes and makes me straighten up and fly right if I'm going to be around her and my grandkids. And I love her even more for it. She knows to give me enough notice to get my shit together before we visit. She's mostly caring and gentle with me (although more than once she has told me to put on my big girl panties!), which I really need and appreciate.

I'm glad that even though I lost my "outside" love, I still have the "inside" stuff. You know, the stuff that really matters. <3

I don't know that I'm ready to give up my chemicals quite yet. Hopefully I'll be able to woman up and kick it soon enough. Just not yet.
 
I totally get what you mean- I've actually trying to be developing hobbies that stop me from just doing nothing drug-related things.

The two things I gave up were music and scale modelling (making model tanks, I'm a nerd- but an OLDschool one). I was a properly trained classical musician in what seems like a former life. I can read music, I still hear the keys and rhythms and changes in the sounds around me like I'm a musician though I haven't done any 'proper' music in years (by proper I mean what I was trained in- classical composition and performance of piano/cello/any instrument with strings).

Have recently found myself gluing together plastic tanks again recently. I still find it very soothing, which is nice...if odd. But it means I don't obsess about my taper or whatever, I spent 3 hours getting something miscast to line-up properly and getting it look right. Then I take my dose and go back to check on how the tank hull is doing, fuck the 'buzz'. I think it's a healthy thing to do as I try to lead up to a opiate-free life.

Although I doubt you'd consider it an art, it is a skill- just knowing what to buy at the store is a skill, so you retain knowledge to a point and then you have to work back up. As long as you dedicate yourself to the craft as much as you did prior to your drug use then you're sure to get back to where you were in terms of ability/drive etc.

You are still you, you've just got a whole new chapter of your life to draw on as you create your art.
 
I lost my house job and freedom thank to my baby Tina!!!! and after all that I still live the bitch!!!!! now more than ever!!!!!
 
I could have had a 4.0 gpa through high school easily. I managed a 2.0 and did nothing. Like no homework, only the bare minimum for projects, and just killed it on the quizzes/tests. And was pretty mangled a lot of the time. I always thought of myself as a smart person but then again who would say they were a fucking moron right?
 
ive been through the exact same thing and i forced myself to do the stuff i used to love and was good at again while SOBER..if you keep doing it that feeling can slowly come back...i think being in recovery is like learning everything all over again. but i think inside, despite what we have been through and what drugs may have ruined if you were good at something and you loved it..you can get back there
 
There are a whole lot of things I neglected. I stopped doing amateur theatre, making music, doing voluntary work, so many things. Maybe it wasn't only due to my increasing drug use but also because I left both my childhood home and the rather strict evangelical denomination my parents attend. But drugs simply kept me from accomplish this transition. In the end drugs also were a big factor for fucking up my thesis.
 
Drawing defined me. Ever since I was a little kid, I did stop though for random periods in my life always had trouble coming up with crazy ideas worth putting down on paper and looking at.

About 2 years ago I started again everyday after work, I'd go sit at home by myself and draw. At the time I was in love with a very strange women and was somewhat fueled on psychedelics (inspiration?). Eventually lost my job, that girl and went into a serious depression and drug binge.

I don't do as many drugs as I used to, I'm usually pretty sober these days. I sometimes (rarely) pick up the strength to draw again, I recently went to the art store bought some UV paint and was hoping to decorate my place by making some backdrops but sadly like most of the stories above I can't find the energy to do it. I did however force myself to paint something random (unfinished) the night I picked up the supplies, I wouldn't call it a piece of ART though... I guess I'm not alone trying to pick up the old pieces. I really enjoyed reading this thread and some of the ideas some of you posted.
 
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