kanyeknievel
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2010
- Messages
- 535
Sooo... here is the background on the situation, I am sure what I should do.
I developed Depersonalization about 3 years ago I would say. It happened after I stopped smoking for a week, smoked 3 bowls out of a bong in about 2 minutes and got SO HIGH that I freaked out, panicked and put my brain into i suppose defensive/safe mode. The panic most likely came from the fact that about 2/3 weeks earlier I had tripped on LSD and I made the mistake of taking more after already dropping.. first time.
It was a great trip for the first 6-7 hours, the next 8-10 were hell. So the insane high from weed made me sorta flashback to that and think it was laced or my friend put lsd in my water or something.. but I know that was ridiculous.
After that I couldn't smoke weed, couldn't smell it or even be in the room and I used to be a huge dealer with people coming over everyday to smoke.. so this was not normal for me. Over the next year I made small steps and I overcame that stupid fear of thinking weed would make something bad happen, I smelled it.. fine. I was in the room with it... fine. Then I worked into smoking and being find and not freaking out. The fear was getting high and freaking out.. and I have learned that I control that and I can smoke now and whenever I want, though it isn't the same at the moment (until this clears up).
When it first happened I couldn't/didn't want to leave my house, I didn't want to be around anyone, I was scared and afraid. I didn't know what it was. I dropped out of Senior year.. and then over the past 3 years I have since A. Been to England 3 times. B. The first I went with a brother-in-law, stayed with him until I had to part ways to go where I had a friend and he did (We were supposed to meet back after a few days, but I decided to stay with this girl for the entire time). C. THe next 2 days I went completely alone, flew there by myself, went through the airport there, train stations, towns, cities, everywhere by myself both there and back ... and in the beginning I couldn't even go to school or be around people and I was in England by myself, basically "trapped" if you will, for a month + at a time and I was fine.
I don't think or noticed the Depersonalization nearly at all like I used to. I used to think of it when I woke up each day and going to sleep.. because it does that until you break the thinking cycle/loop of worrying and anxiety. Now I just go through each day (know it still feels different, that I don't feel completely me) but not thinking of it at all, not stopping to think about it, and don't give it attention. I go to College classes each day and have had many jobs through the past years, I have been able to do everything I used to do.
Now I am faced with a decision I don't know what to do. I have shrooms, I was given them from a friend and I gave most of them to my other friends, but I saved some for myself incase I ever want to do it with them. I have tripped on shrooms before, it was before the LSD and I had a very good time. It was great, the night sky was purple, I laid in the sand at the lake/beach and ran my hand through it for an hour saying how beautiful it was cuz it was purple.. i rolled down a hill of grass that was glistening in the light It was very fun, at a few points I was like " O _ O .... alright, alright I'm cool forget it... these bushes AREN'T going to say anything to you, just walk away before they might " lmfao. Cuz I was going to pee in the bushes and I was thinking that the bushes are gonna start talking any second..
And I had a great time with them.. I Sorta took them after that, but maybe a gram and I didn't really trip and didn't want to.
So now I DO want to trip, but then there is the fear of possibly something going wrong and being stuck in it.. though whenever I think that or say that, I also think... that is ME thinking that. I AM THE ONE who will cause that fear to become a reality by thinking that now, thinking it could or will happen.. but my concern is I don't know if there may be consequences for this or not.
Why?
Because I have read this http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/27895-magic-mushrooms-cured-me/
But I have also seen many posts of people saying they got DP from shrooms/lsd/ecstasy/weed. Many things, but I know that it is attributed to more than a drug, it is attributed to hidden anxiety and possibly other issues. I have rolled countless times in my highschool years, I was a HUGE dealer and took them multiple times on a weekly basis, only the best. So I could have gotten it from E as others did, but never did.. it was the LSD bad trip + the weed and other things.. (I had just gotten arrested 3 weeks prior to the trigger event also).
So, I am asking people who may have experience with Depersonalization and have overcome it. People who have depersonalization and have taken shrooms while they had it... people who didn't have it but took shrooms and it occurred.. or people who overcame it and took shrooms after... Elaborate on what happened, details, things I should know to make my decision.
It is something I want to do because I want a experience that will be fun and possibly change some of my thinking and outlook for the better, as well as to be able to face one of my fears.. and conquer it and possibly from conquering that very fear that made this happen, resolve this DP . Because I conquered the fear of weed and getting high, and this is something I've always wanted to conquer and face.. but it is a hard decision as you may all imagine.
I developed Depersonalization about 3 years ago I would say. It happened after I stopped smoking for a week, smoked 3 bowls out of a bong in about 2 minutes and got SO HIGH that I freaked out, panicked and put my brain into i suppose defensive/safe mode. The panic most likely came from the fact that about 2/3 weeks earlier I had tripped on LSD and I made the mistake of taking more after already dropping.. first time.
It was a great trip for the first 6-7 hours, the next 8-10 were hell. So the insane high from weed made me sorta flashback to that and think it was laced or my friend put lsd in my water or something.. but I know that was ridiculous.
After that I couldn't smoke weed, couldn't smell it or even be in the room and I used to be a huge dealer with people coming over everyday to smoke.. so this was not normal for me. Over the next year I made small steps and I overcame that stupid fear of thinking weed would make something bad happen, I smelled it.. fine. I was in the room with it... fine. Then I worked into smoking and being find and not freaking out. The fear was getting high and freaking out.. and I have learned that I control that and I can smoke now and whenever I want, though it isn't the same at the moment (until this clears up).
When it first happened I couldn't/didn't want to leave my house, I didn't want to be around anyone, I was scared and afraid. I didn't know what it was. I dropped out of Senior year.. and then over the past 3 years I have since A. Been to England 3 times. B. The first I went with a brother-in-law, stayed with him until I had to part ways to go where I had a friend and he did (We were supposed to meet back after a few days, but I decided to stay with this girl for the entire time). C. THe next 2 days I went completely alone, flew there by myself, went through the airport there, train stations, towns, cities, everywhere by myself both there and back ... and in the beginning I couldn't even go to school or be around people and I was in England by myself, basically "trapped" if you will, for a month + at a time and I was fine.
I don't think or noticed the Depersonalization nearly at all like I used to. I used to think of it when I woke up each day and going to sleep.. because it does that until you break the thinking cycle/loop of worrying and anxiety. Now I just go through each day (know it still feels different, that I don't feel completely me) but not thinking of it at all, not stopping to think about it, and don't give it attention. I go to College classes each day and have had many jobs through the past years, I have been able to do everything I used to do.
Now I am faced with a decision I don't know what to do. I have shrooms, I was given them from a friend and I gave most of them to my other friends, but I saved some for myself incase I ever want to do it with them. I have tripped on shrooms before, it was before the LSD and I had a very good time. It was great, the night sky was purple, I laid in the sand at the lake/beach and ran my hand through it for an hour saying how beautiful it was cuz it was purple.. i rolled down a hill of grass that was glistening in the light It was very fun, at a few points I was like " O _ O .... alright, alright I'm cool forget it... these bushes AREN'T going to say anything to you, just walk away before they might " lmfao. Cuz I was going to pee in the bushes and I was thinking that the bushes are gonna start talking any second..
And I had a great time with them.. I Sorta took them after that, but maybe a gram and I didn't really trip and didn't want to.
So now I DO want to trip, but then there is the fear of possibly something going wrong and being stuck in it.. though whenever I think that or say that, I also think... that is ME thinking that. I AM THE ONE who will cause that fear to become a reality by thinking that now, thinking it could or will happen.. but my concern is I don't know if there may be consequences for this or not.
Why?
Because I have read this http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/27895-magic-mushrooms-cured-me/
But I have also seen many posts of people saying they got DP from shrooms/lsd/ecstasy/weed. Many things, but I know that it is attributed to more than a drug, it is attributed to hidden anxiety and possibly other issues. I have rolled countless times in my highschool years, I was a HUGE dealer and took them multiple times on a weekly basis, only the best. So I could have gotten it from E as others did, but never did.. it was the LSD bad trip + the weed and other things.. (I had just gotten arrested 3 weeks prior to the trigger event also).
So, I am asking people who may have experience with Depersonalization and have overcome it. People who have depersonalization and have taken shrooms while they had it... people who didn't have it but took shrooms and it occurred.. or people who overcame it and took shrooms after... Elaborate on what happened, details, things I should know to make my decision.
It is something I want to do because I want a experience that will be fun and possibly change some of my thinking and outlook for the better, as well as to be able to face one of my fears.. and conquer it and possibly from conquering that very fear that made this happen, resolve this DP . Because I conquered the fear of weed and getting high, and this is something I've always wanted to conquer and face.. but it is a hard decision as you may all imagine.