!!4iV4HF9R34g
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2011
- Messages
- 1,116
Seriously, check out www.theicarusproject.net/ for alternative mental health information.
Also, in my personal experience, entheogens have been overwhelmingly beneficial.. I began experiencing relatively severe ideas of reference around age 15 during a period of very heavy marijuana abuse. I remember the first public incidence,, I kept hearing a subliminal code language in the conversation around me, usually directed at my interior thought dialogue. It got paranoid quickly, and I ended up freaking out and screaming at my friends, even going as far as jumping up and trying to instigate a fight with some of them while we were just chilling, blazing, and rapping Atmosphere's God Loves Ugly ha. I realized real quick what was happening, and, embarrassed, apologized and blamed the potent strain.. But, even though the secret conversation stopped for a minute, I noticed right away that my friends had been possessed by the God and Devil archetypes, and that I was the current incarnation of the Christ figure. I spent the next few months completely reckless, disregarding all traffic and social convention, under the assumption that I was immortal and invincible.
At this point I hadn't begun actually hallucinating, I was just intensely delusional. And confused. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that what was going on wasn't exactly normal, and I didn't have enough perspective and self-awareness to recognize anything in the first place anyway..
So I stumbled upon some acid while wiggin' out on the new rave scene and bunches of thizz pills. I had experimented with aya once before, and LSA a few times, and I was eager. Overly eager probably. I ended up spending the next couple of months in a psychedelic stupor. But, oddly enough, this binge basically alleviating all of the negative symptoms I had been experiencing.
Except, they also triggered a massive swell in the perception of very realistic hallucinations. Not the typical and pretty colors and morphing of the trip, but like, a flying-squirrel-winged panther made out of shadows that lived in my closet and ate the birds around my apartment complex and told me secret things. Or a shape-shifting jungle girl witch who danced around on the yellow traffic lines and electrical cables and trees and all that noise.
They were never scary though, despite the grotesque and incredibly surreal nature of it all. It was welcome.. I was special.. Ya know?
So, when I was finally burnt out, I began to do research into the spiritual and practical effects of entheogens. Not the abuse or recreational aspects.. I was always an avid student of anything esoteric, and I was enthralled. Over the next few years, I regimented a highly controlled and definitely therapeutic practice of shamanic and occult activity, almost invariably aided by entheogen and indian medicines.
Now, a few years since, I'm basically under control. I still experience ideas of reference almost always, but they're not directive or accusatory or paranoid; they're just like, talking to god. I'm very spiritual, and I've become ridiculously avid in my writing pursuits. I've almost finished my collection of refined word salad, and I'm gonna submit it to publishing houses! And I'm pursuing education in Linguistics and the other Cognitive Sciences.
I also still hallucinate a lot.
But the greatest benefit I have recognized, is in the acceptance of it all.
I was originally terrified and confused and just, weirded out. I was weird.
And, due to my psychedelic exploration, I feel like this really is just par for the course of people borne into my archetype.
I'm excited about life, and not suicidal (not really anyway ha) anymore.
I guess, thanks psychonauts. You all rock. And don't hide. Be bold. Be loud. And stay strong.
Also, in my personal experience, entheogens have been overwhelmingly beneficial.. I began experiencing relatively severe ideas of reference around age 15 during a period of very heavy marijuana abuse. I remember the first public incidence,, I kept hearing a subliminal code language in the conversation around me, usually directed at my interior thought dialogue. It got paranoid quickly, and I ended up freaking out and screaming at my friends, even going as far as jumping up and trying to instigate a fight with some of them while we were just chilling, blazing, and rapping Atmosphere's God Loves Ugly ha. I realized real quick what was happening, and, embarrassed, apologized and blamed the potent strain.. But, even though the secret conversation stopped for a minute, I noticed right away that my friends had been possessed by the God and Devil archetypes, and that I was the current incarnation of the Christ figure. I spent the next few months completely reckless, disregarding all traffic and social convention, under the assumption that I was immortal and invincible.
At this point I hadn't begun actually hallucinating, I was just intensely delusional. And confused. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that what was going on wasn't exactly normal, and I didn't have enough perspective and self-awareness to recognize anything in the first place anyway..
So I stumbled upon some acid while wiggin' out on the new rave scene and bunches of thizz pills. I had experimented with aya once before, and LSA a few times, and I was eager. Overly eager probably. I ended up spending the next couple of months in a psychedelic stupor. But, oddly enough, this binge basically alleviating all of the negative symptoms I had been experiencing.
Except, they also triggered a massive swell in the perception of very realistic hallucinations. Not the typical and pretty colors and morphing of the trip, but like, a flying-squirrel-winged panther made out of shadows that lived in my closet and ate the birds around my apartment complex and told me secret things. Or a shape-shifting jungle girl witch who danced around on the yellow traffic lines and electrical cables and trees and all that noise.
They were never scary though, despite the grotesque and incredibly surreal nature of it all. It was welcome.. I was special.. Ya know?
So, when I was finally burnt out, I began to do research into the spiritual and practical effects of entheogens. Not the abuse or recreational aspects.. I was always an avid student of anything esoteric, and I was enthralled. Over the next few years, I regimented a highly controlled and definitely therapeutic practice of shamanic and occult activity, almost invariably aided by entheogen and indian medicines.
Now, a few years since, I'm basically under control. I still experience ideas of reference almost always, but they're not directive or accusatory or paranoid; they're just like, talking to god. I'm very spiritual, and I've become ridiculously avid in my writing pursuits. I've almost finished my collection of refined word salad, and I'm gonna submit it to publishing houses! And I'm pursuing education in Linguistics and the other Cognitive Sciences.
I also still hallucinate a lot.
But the greatest benefit I have recognized, is in the acceptance of it all.
I was originally terrified and confused and just, weirded out. I was weird.
And, due to my psychedelic exploration, I feel like this really is just par for the course of people borne into my archetype.
I'm excited about life, and not suicidal (not really anyway ha) anymore.
I guess, thanks psychonauts. You all rock. And don't hide. Be bold. Be loud. And stay strong.
