EverythingsEventual
Ex-Bluelighter
I'm not really sure where my head is at any more
I think I've changed my mind about the whole debacle
There's just too much to take on board these days
And things have changed so much, so has the order
It's the same old but with a different me and you
I can't see why we're staying friends anymore
You're different and so am I, very much so
Yet I don't want to let go of the laughs we did have
I don't miss our relationship, in fact I'm glad that it all ended
At the end of 'us' I was very much acting a part for you
Believe it or not I'd been wanting to end it for months
But didn't want to lose your friendship or what we'd worked for
It's so hard sometimes to admit that you are wrong about someone
Or something, or whatever else
But the thing is that although I felt unhappy with 'us'
I was still willing to see it through and thought that
Maybe, just maybe if I tried hard enough to be who you wanted
We'd fall back in love again, like it happens in the movies
Forgetting my motto of "when you're dead lie down"
It was so much easier to carry on and pretend that it was real
What stung was that you gave up so easily and replaced me
Not that I mind now, not really at all
Because I was not who you thought I was and you were not what I thought
We tried to change each other without realising what we were doing
You wanted a tidy, sensible girl who would toe the line of decency
I wanted a guy who would guide me and shoulder the weight of me
I loved you but by the end of it I wasn't IN love with you
I love you like I love all of my friends - unconditionally
But now I'm stuck with the indecision of what goes on with us
Like you say, we're in very different places right now
I can't ask you how you're getting on with Rachel
You can't ask me how my lovelife is going
And although we try to make matey exchanges our hearts aren't in it
I can tell that by the dullness of your eyes and the dullness of my voice
You're still my friend and always will be even if we don't speak for a year
But I'm still evacuating that girl you went out with
Because at the end most of her was never really me but who I wanted to be for you
And I'm sorry I didn't reveal my true colours sooner
It would have saved so much pain and so much trouble in our lives
I'm not broken-hearted because you weren't "the one"
You would have been if I had been someone else but I'm sorry, I'm not
I'm sad though because we had a bond and we had a closeness that was good
We saw each other through some really rough periods of life
That can never be taken away and I'll always admire your strength
I'll always remember those smiles and the photographs we took
Trips to the big museum and wandering the shops for hours - what were we looking for?
Sometimes I wonder if we were just trying to find ourselves?
I'll remember cheesey beanos and bacon rolls with that amazing cheese
Taking the dog out for walks and smoking cigarettes in the freezing cold
Going to Saughton and laughing in a warm circle with Scott
I think those are the times that I was truly myself with you
I don't know when I put on that mask
But I started with it off and we ended it with it off
Now I don't hide anymore I feel better and more complete in myself
I have a direction and I have faith in love, I have faith in the world
I know I'm never alone and I know that if the world fell down I'd still have people
What we had was pretty unique, Ross, and I won't take that away from us
I won't say it was all shit because it wasn't all shit
I had fun and I laughed and I got treated well sometimes
I got to see how the other half lived for a while and I liked it
But in the end we cannot change other people or ourselves
Simply because we want to prove to the world we are in love
We cannot be in love for the sake of wanting to love
And we cannot cling to the first rock that comes along just because it's there
All the time we thought we were making love we were breeding resentment
All the times we thought we were protecting we were driving each other away
Now we stand divided all the faults of "us" are clear and I wonder
How could I have been so blind to it all?
Darling, I don't know where our lives are going to take us now
But our lives are becoming less and less entwined as the weeks pass by
The ball of string is unravelling at a rate of knots and it scares me
The only thing I can give you is best wishes and thoughts of love
Of hoping that you find your peace through all the shit you've went through
I can't promise I'll be a regular friend-figure in your life now
I hope you answer the questions I know you have hidden inside somewhere
I wish you nothing but peace
Once the soul is at peace the heart can rest easy
And whatever you're looking for?
I hope you find it
I think I've changed my mind about the whole debacle
There's just too much to take on board these days
And things have changed so much, so has the order
It's the same old but with a different me and you
I can't see why we're staying friends anymore
You're different and so am I, very much so
Yet I don't want to let go of the laughs we did have
I don't miss our relationship, in fact I'm glad that it all ended
At the end of 'us' I was very much acting a part for you
Believe it or not I'd been wanting to end it for months
But didn't want to lose your friendship or what we'd worked for
It's so hard sometimes to admit that you are wrong about someone
Or something, or whatever else
But the thing is that although I felt unhappy with 'us'
I was still willing to see it through and thought that
Maybe, just maybe if I tried hard enough to be who you wanted
We'd fall back in love again, like it happens in the movies
Forgetting my motto of "when you're dead lie down"
It was so much easier to carry on and pretend that it was real
What stung was that you gave up so easily and replaced me
Not that I mind now, not really at all
Because I was not who you thought I was and you were not what I thought
We tried to change each other without realising what we were doing
You wanted a tidy, sensible girl who would toe the line of decency
I wanted a guy who would guide me and shoulder the weight of me
I loved you but by the end of it I wasn't IN love with you
I love you like I love all of my friends - unconditionally
But now I'm stuck with the indecision of what goes on with us
Like you say, we're in very different places right now
I can't ask you how you're getting on with Rachel
You can't ask me how my lovelife is going
And although we try to make matey exchanges our hearts aren't in it
I can tell that by the dullness of your eyes and the dullness of my voice
You're still my friend and always will be even if we don't speak for a year
But I'm still evacuating that girl you went out with
Because at the end most of her was never really me but who I wanted to be for you
And I'm sorry I didn't reveal my true colours sooner
It would have saved so much pain and so much trouble in our lives
I'm not broken-hearted because you weren't "the one"
You would have been if I had been someone else but I'm sorry, I'm not
I'm sad though because we had a bond and we had a closeness that was good
We saw each other through some really rough periods of life
That can never be taken away and I'll always admire your strength
I'll always remember those smiles and the photographs we took
Trips to the big museum and wandering the shops for hours - what were we looking for?
Sometimes I wonder if we were just trying to find ourselves?
I'll remember cheesey beanos and bacon rolls with that amazing cheese
Taking the dog out for walks and smoking cigarettes in the freezing cold
Going to Saughton and laughing in a warm circle with Scott
I think those are the times that I was truly myself with you
I don't know when I put on that mask
But I started with it off and we ended it with it off
Now I don't hide anymore I feel better and more complete in myself
I have a direction and I have faith in love, I have faith in the world
I know I'm never alone and I know that if the world fell down I'd still have people
What we had was pretty unique, Ross, and I won't take that away from us
I won't say it was all shit because it wasn't all shit
I had fun and I laughed and I got treated well sometimes
I got to see how the other half lived for a while and I liked it
But in the end we cannot change other people or ourselves
Simply because we want to prove to the world we are in love
We cannot be in love for the sake of wanting to love
And we cannot cling to the first rock that comes along just because it's there
All the time we thought we were making love we were breeding resentment
All the times we thought we were protecting we were driving each other away
Now we stand divided all the faults of "us" are clear and I wonder
How could I have been so blind to it all?
Darling, I don't know where our lives are going to take us now
But our lives are becoming less and less entwined as the weeks pass by
The ball of string is unravelling at a rate of knots and it scares me
The only thing I can give you is best wishes and thoughts of love
Of hoping that you find your peace through all the shit you've went through
I can't promise I'll be a regular friend-figure in your life now
I hope you answer the questions I know you have hidden inside somewhere
I wish you nothing but peace
Once the soul is at peace the heart can rest easy
And whatever you're looking for?
I hope you find it
