wizzlethef
Greenlighter
So, I'm a new bluelighter, and I posted a couple days back about the issues my girlfriend and I were having. Just some background; I had a car accident end of may, and only got released from hospital first of September. I am not mangled, just have a (temporary, until November 25) squint, and some (temporary) minor hearing loss in my right ear. I can walk, run, cycle, and swim, and am not physically damaged in any respect.
Anyway, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex or been intimate from the accident, and we'd spoken about this. She said she effectively didn't have a boyfriend whilst I was in intensive care, and things haven't been the same after the accident. I have told her about feelings of resentment, and my fear that she lost attraction to me after the accident, and agreed to keep hooking up as minimal as possible for now. I was worried she may have cheated on me, but even after letting her know of my understanding of looking elsewhere - and my surprise that she hadn't - she felt it would still have been a betrayal to do this. After continually trying, I told her today that we should wait until her exams are over - in a months time - before resuming dating again.
I am under no doubt that she still loves me - we have dated for 2 years - and that her feelings still exist, she just doesn't feel comfortable with me physically right now. I was advised on another thread to lay off and wait for her to express her attraction to me physically. She also said she felt like I was trying too hard, and that the pressure of the relationship effectively going back to normal after 4 months of rehabilitation and recovery was too much for her, and although she really wanted to do something with me, she felt like she couldn't be the same with me after the accident, and it was too much too quickly for it to return to normalcy. I was tired of being rejected and feeling unwanted, so I suggested we not talk to or see each other until her (exceedingly stressful) final exams for this year were over, about a month from now. She doesn't have a car, and is someone who over-estimates the need for study and preparation (has always been), so we wouldn't have been able to see one another much at all over the exams.
What I want to know is whether or not being apart from one another for this time can help rekindle the relationship to a point. If it does not, we break up and go our separate ways. Any and all advice would be helpful, especially from women who empathize with her point of view; men can often conclude (sometimes in error) that cheating must be at play, an issue I myself had suspected until she even refused any wrongdoing had happened without fear of punishment on my part.
Anyway, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex or been intimate from the accident, and we'd spoken about this. She said she effectively didn't have a boyfriend whilst I was in intensive care, and things haven't been the same after the accident. I have told her about feelings of resentment, and my fear that she lost attraction to me after the accident, and agreed to keep hooking up as minimal as possible for now. I was worried she may have cheated on me, but even after letting her know of my understanding of looking elsewhere - and my surprise that she hadn't - she felt it would still have been a betrayal to do this. After continually trying, I told her today that we should wait until her exams are over - in a months time - before resuming dating again.
I am under no doubt that she still loves me - we have dated for 2 years - and that her feelings still exist, she just doesn't feel comfortable with me physically right now. I was advised on another thread to lay off and wait for her to express her attraction to me physically. She also said she felt like I was trying too hard, and that the pressure of the relationship effectively going back to normal after 4 months of rehabilitation and recovery was too much for her, and although she really wanted to do something with me, she felt like she couldn't be the same with me after the accident, and it was too much too quickly for it to return to normalcy. I was tired of being rejected and feeling unwanted, so I suggested we not talk to or see each other until her (exceedingly stressful) final exams for this year were over, about a month from now. She doesn't have a car, and is someone who over-estimates the need for study and preparation (has always been), so we wouldn't have been able to see one another much at all over the exams.
What I want to know is whether or not being apart from one another for this time can help rekindle the relationship to a point. If it does not, we break up and go our separate ways. Any and all advice would be helpful, especially from women who empathize with her point of view; men can often conclude (sometimes in error) that cheating must be at play, an issue I myself had suspected until she even refused any wrongdoing had happened without fear of punishment on my part.