taken advantage

[xstayfadedx]

You were young you had no choice.
They took it away.
You couldn't say no.
And until this day.
The event from years ago.
Still haunts you.
You were young you had no voice.
It wasn't your fault.
Is heard over and over.
The little girl screaming inside.

 

[nearjat]

There's a lot of emotion showing in this poem but I feel like it'd hit harder if you used less literal language, try "showing" how this makes you feel instead of "telling" what happened you know?

Maybe try a revision without any concrete statements, or greatly reduce the number of them. I like where it's going though.

 

[xstayfadedx]

Actually that's what I was thinking at first but then I was like whatever too late. I never write poetry ever though. Thank you for replying Your help is appreciated.

 

[qoncep]

Are you guys buying boxes of fortune cookies and combining the lines into paragraphs?

 

[nearjat]

Are you guys buying boxes of fortune cookies and combining the lines into paragraphs?

haha rough bro

 

[xstayfadedx]

Are you guys buying boxes of fortune cookies and combining the lines into paragraphs?

dude this was pointless, I don't even write poetry ever and this honestly had no effect on me what so ever but thanks for taken the time out of your life to write a reply....at least you read it hhaha.