i was 18 in dahad (egypt) and for the new year we dropped acid, turns out it changed my live, it changed everything, and post that well the atheism made no sense at all, i understood what all those religion were talking about, i saw the light, i understood it was the most important thing in the world, it just is fucking crazy that this can happen to a human brain, and that you can come back from it, and not have special power or something post that, its really fucking crazy that a illegal substance could be bigger than everything you have ever learn, thats its bigger than everything you have ever heard, that the whole school system, the whole culture, the whole belief from your upbringing has being dwarf to such a extent that it become ,,,idk, iwas gonna say laughable but it sure didnt turned out to be funny, because then you realize that everyone is acting like monkeys trowing poop around and being totally unevolved and clueless about it all, and even tho there is religion all around talking about parts of this, most follower are totally in the dark about what those religion are talking about, but then i understood they all talked about the same thing, all from a different perspective, all from a different cultural bias, and i could not do better, i was speechless, so ateism sure got the fuck out but science got pretty thin too, it did not go far at all at explaining much anything in regards to that
so i had to go look for whatever else there was out there and i found taoism, it made sense, it made perfect sense to me, and it ended up being my main model to translate back to normal human language this out of this words experience,
i had to bring it back, i had to dress it up with normal words and stop my speechlessness
but even then, even if now i feel like im good enough to make sense of it with words, it still aint there within the words, its there somewhere between the lines but it aint, its there for me because its inside myself, it aint gonna be there for someone else because my truth isnt his truth, my words arent his, my choice of words or expression or pattern of organization...isnt gonna be his so its gonna end up being something else, something that it aint suppose to be, unless he doesnt need my words for it because he got there too,
but thats the situation with religion, a bunch of people who have no clue for the most part because someone ended up doing just like me and opened his mouth and then people kill themself over what they think it means
so im doing it wrong...
i should just stfu
but then people dont really listen and its already out there anyway, but those who talk usually dont know, those who know they stfu
and im talking so...
i use to stfu, i use to start it in my head and it would come back to it useless to share, because "the tao that can be told is not the eternal tao"
i was half wise in doing so and half unable to express myself
now i can talk and i feel like i understand stuff, but really...it aint about that,
its about me sharing myself, but im still influenced by my past, where i was looking for answer, where i wanted to understand, because i did not knew, or at least i believed i did not knew, thats why i did not move forward toward that girl i was into in highschool,
i had to find something, i went on a quest...
and now i know and shes gone, 20 year of my life are gone, that a huge time, thats most of it, was it good ? was it worth it ? did i really choose to go there ?
half and half
was it the sound of the bell or the idea of a steak that made me salivate for better days
do i want to go back there, back in who i was, well that cant work i was already who i was, i could not be me, i would not care about my old life,
i care about the sun, ive always did, happy sunshine, summer is good, specially when you come from winter wonder land canadia
i use to be happy and it came back, after such a long autumn and winter
i can be free now but im still in parts of my old life, ive changed the inside and now it the outside that is gonna starts to change
but i aint far yet
but it doesnt matter
i do whatever and its working well enough for me, im getting there anyway
and thats good,
thats really good
tho it feels weird, ive got so much weird stuff in my head,
how much stuff im i gonna type in here, whats the point, why do i want to leave stuff behind, or outside,
because it aint where i am anymore ? because its good bye to what once was ?
its letting it go, letting it be shared with others, or at least putting it in a situation where it has the possibility to get inside someone else, but then it aint about this text, its just in general, its just what i wasnt doing back in the days, i was building fences, walls, masks, to avoid it all, to not share and not receive
i didnt want to be part of,
i ended up being in my room thinking for so long
fucking depression, not finding a way to come back, wanting to go away and reach the sun
i got caught up in something and now im free, and thats good but where does that leaves me, again thats not important, nothing is really important, and thats important
i can balance
i can breath
i can be happy
im not there yet but i am
im still use to think and write but,, no need for it, i can do, i can act
i want that girl but shes everywhere
it aint about someone with a name, its about her, whats behind "her", whats behind me, its the same thing, unity, but then you dont write, then you disappear
and thats what i was talking about earlier
wuji, and coming back, leaving something behind to recognize yourself, to remember
you leave trace behind all your life, and if you dont...well you always do no matter what, but...how much of it ends up being worth it,
then thats thinking that something should be on one side more than the other..
so there is lots of talk about the after life, like the egyptian and some other talks about remembering your body after you die or else youll have to do it again if you want to get to whatever there is after or immortality i guess its what its about, but then doesnt that makes you immortal in both case, why the hurry to start it now with the same identity ?
and then, what kind of religion do you believe in once you are dead, once you are immortal, what do you believe in at that point ?
i dont really care the after life, to me it connects to the before life and the im sleeping and i aint there atm life
there is nothing wrong with not being there
parts of me arent there atm, im not my whole self at all time, im parts of myself
i think its all now, the whole thing is a illusion, and that illusion is real
every moments of it all is happening all at once right now but im just a part of it, and ive being doing so for eternity and will forever, but it aint time consuming, you dont have to be there to be there, it doesnt have to happen to happen
if everything is in perfect balance then there is nothing happening, once you loose balance then you wake up, and i woke up in here, in this body, being myself, which isnt necessarily myself but it is, and i could say that i lost balance because i forgot something, and now im trying to remember something, and that something is simply to appreciate that moment, this , right now, thats whats its about,
the universe would have no reason if it weren't to appreciate itself by being itself
but then taoist dont go there, thats more of the acid influence, and those feeling are alot more saturated that what is to be found within taoism, its a lot more similar to hinduism
but it aint by knowing what its about that youll remember what its about
taoism is more about how then what, its more about the underlying principle of the universe than what the experience of a human life is about
the universe is self explanatory, you just have to let it in, you just have to learn to unlearn, i think that taoism is good for that, you have the centerpoint, you can go back to sleep, by staying awake
no bed time story mister hindu
is that a closing point ?
writing on the internet, are those my words, do i remember myself,
centerfold might be more fun than centerpoints
having the feeling that time is moving backward as much a forward, it makes it hard to type, life can be confusing
ive being stuck on stuff for so long, im not following the line most people are following, then i think im doing it wrong but im really not trying to achieve what they are, i went somewhere else with it, and i sure got what i paid for on acid,
and its still there, and that does makes me feel unstable, because i can connect with something that just isnt there for most, something weird where a part of me knows this has being going on forever and there is no end to it, and we all end up getting together having fun sharing ourselves, but until then i need to also believe that im doing it wrong because i cant connect the right way to get some of what i wish for but then i just dont wish enough for it,
so ive cut this into part because of the character limit and now im posting it
so i had to go look for whatever else there was out there and i found taoism, it made sense, it made perfect sense to me, and it ended up being my main model to translate back to normal human language this out of this words experience,
i had to bring it back, i had to dress it up with normal words and stop my speechlessness
but even then, even if now i feel like im good enough to make sense of it with words, it still aint there within the words, its there somewhere between the lines but it aint, its there for me because its inside myself, it aint gonna be there for someone else because my truth isnt his truth, my words arent his, my choice of words or expression or pattern of organization...isnt gonna be his so its gonna end up being something else, something that it aint suppose to be, unless he doesnt need my words for it because he got there too,
but thats the situation with religion, a bunch of people who have no clue for the most part because someone ended up doing just like me and opened his mouth and then people kill themself over what they think it means
so im doing it wrong...
i should just stfu
but then people dont really listen and its already out there anyway, but those who talk usually dont know, those who know they stfu
and im talking so...
i use to stfu, i use to start it in my head and it would come back to it useless to share, because "the tao that can be told is not the eternal tao"
i was half wise in doing so and half unable to express myself
now i can talk and i feel like i understand stuff, but really...it aint about that,
its about me sharing myself, but im still influenced by my past, where i was looking for answer, where i wanted to understand, because i did not knew, or at least i believed i did not knew, thats why i did not move forward toward that girl i was into in highschool,
i had to find something, i went on a quest...
and now i know and shes gone, 20 year of my life are gone, that a huge time, thats most of it, was it good ? was it worth it ? did i really choose to go there ?
half and half
was it the sound of the bell or the idea of a steak that made me salivate for better days
do i want to go back there, back in who i was, well that cant work i was already who i was, i could not be me, i would not care about my old life,
i care about the sun, ive always did, happy sunshine, summer is good, specially when you come from winter wonder land canadia
i use to be happy and it came back, after such a long autumn and winter
i can be free now but im still in parts of my old life, ive changed the inside and now it the outside that is gonna starts to change
but i aint far yet
but it doesnt matter
i do whatever and its working well enough for me, im getting there anyway
and thats good,
thats really good
tho it feels weird, ive got so much weird stuff in my head,
how much stuff im i gonna type in here, whats the point, why do i want to leave stuff behind, or outside,
because it aint where i am anymore ? because its good bye to what once was ?
its letting it go, letting it be shared with others, or at least putting it in a situation where it has the possibility to get inside someone else, but then it aint about this text, its just in general, its just what i wasnt doing back in the days, i was building fences, walls, masks, to avoid it all, to not share and not receive
i didnt want to be part of,
i ended up being in my room thinking for so long
fucking depression, not finding a way to come back, wanting to go away and reach the sun
i got caught up in something and now im free, and thats good but where does that leaves me, again thats not important, nothing is really important, and thats important
i can balance
i can breath
i can be happy
im not there yet but i am
im still use to think and write but,, no need for it, i can do, i can act
i want that girl but shes everywhere
it aint about someone with a name, its about her, whats behind "her", whats behind me, its the same thing, unity, but then you dont write, then you disappear
and thats what i was talking about earlier
wuji, and coming back, leaving something behind to recognize yourself, to remember
you leave trace behind all your life, and if you dont...well you always do no matter what, but...how much of it ends up being worth it,
then thats thinking that something should be on one side more than the other..
so there is lots of talk about the after life, like the egyptian and some other talks about remembering your body after you die or else youll have to do it again if you want to get to whatever there is after or immortality i guess its what its about, but then doesnt that makes you immortal in both case, why the hurry to start it now with the same identity ?
and then, what kind of religion do you believe in once you are dead, once you are immortal, what do you believe in at that point ?
i dont really care the after life, to me it connects to the before life and the im sleeping and i aint there atm life
there is nothing wrong with not being there
parts of me arent there atm, im not my whole self at all time, im parts of myself
i think its all now, the whole thing is a illusion, and that illusion is real
every moments of it all is happening all at once right now but im just a part of it, and ive being doing so for eternity and will forever, but it aint time consuming, you dont have to be there to be there, it doesnt have to happen to happen
if everything is in perfect balance then there is nothing happening, once you loose balance then you wake up, and i woke up in here, in this body, being myself, which isnt necessarily myself but it is, and i could say that i lost balance because i forgot something, and now im trying to remember something, and that something is simply to appreciate that moment, this , right now, thats whats its about,
the universe would have no reason if it weren't to appreciate itself by being itself
but then taoist dont go there, thats more of the acid influence, and those feeling are alot more saturated that what is to be found within taoism, its a lot more similar to hinduism
but it aint by knowing what its about that youll remember what its about
taoism is more about how then what, its more about the underlying principle of the universe than what the experience of a human life is about
the universe is self explanatory, you just have to let it in, you just have to learn to unlearn, i think that taoism is good for that, you have the centerpoint, you can go back to sleep, by staying awake
no bed time story mister hindu
is that a closing point ?
writing on the internet, are those my words, do i remember myself,
centerfold might be more fun than centerpoints
having the feeling that time is moving backward as much a forward, it makes it hard to type, life can be confusing
ive being stuck on stuff for so long, im not following the line most people are following, then i think im doing it wrong but im really not trying to achieve what they are, i went somewhere else with it, and i sure got what i paid for on acid,
and its still there, and that does makes me feel unstable, because i can connect with something that just isnt there for most, something weird where a part of me knows this has being going on forever and there is no end to it, and we all end up getting together having fun sharing ourselves, but until then i need to also believe that im doing it wrong because i cant connect the right way to get some of what i wish for but then i just dont wish enough for it,
so ive cut this into part because of the character limit and now im posting it