writing words, letting them come, going where they lead, find myself in this now, ever flowing, there is things i should do, but i cant go there without knowing, i must let go but i do, i must let go of letting go but then i do, so then i go but i dont, i do but...
im still here but im not the same, im the same but i aint
i want more but i dont, i wanna stay and i wanna go
then im back in highschool, or is it childhood, or is it me
i was in the park, i was wondering, letting myself go, being conscious
creating memories, writing it down within, inside my personal story
i had started life, a inner life, accumulating meaning, what it might mean, but it was all feelings, moments in time, i was connecting to something, it was a quality, a clarity, idk
childhood was really nice for me, i would ride around and explore, adventure time, not knowing, not needing to know, food was gonna be there and so would my bed, no worry and up to a new tomorrow, a happy cheezy crazy tomorrow
the sun, the sun, the sun
the grass was green, the sky was blue, and my heart was light and afternoons would never end
but then they would
and then im here
thinking about the dao, thinking about why do i care to write it down, why do i stop thinking if i know, why do i want to write it down,
for entertainment ? for the sake of avoiding doing something else ? because i die and i want to leave parts of me behind to find myself back ?
why do people want to leave something behind, why do they want to be remembered ?
"his spirits lives on"
we entertain memories, does that gives birth to the spirit world, do we create a spirit world out of our energies, out of the memories we entertain, that we hold within our heart,
what is love, what is hate, what is energy
random musing for the sake of itself, random moments
wanting to include something out of it, wanting to take the best and place it here, on paper,
those moments i wanna live in, those special moments that dont necessarily means something to the brain but they are meaningful to the heart, they have value, they feel good, they contain something special, something i want more of,
i wanna live inside those moments, because i gave them meaning, i made them mine by writing them down deep within me, and then i want to write them down on paper, let them out, so that they dont die with me,
but i dont have to name any of it, or describe any of it, its all there by itself, it rains, it snows, it just is
and so am i
i be
it am
im reversing, river sing, a flow of sound, a color is born out of a droplet of water, a line to the sun, connecting me to myself in time, in space, divided, united
that color is red, and its blue, and its all, at all time, but its only just now, just there, just now, but its a ghost by then, but it lives on, i give it birth everytime i go back
i want her with me, the sun in her smile, sweet chilhood, i was born free, and i got caught up, i lost it, to find it back again, and then im here, musing, amusing, not knowing, but knowing,
then comes the wind, time, time blowing me where but here, always here, remembering, and creating anew
i wanna let go and i wanna go
i wanna share something, but this aint it, those are words, they are but words, my words, and that aint it, it is it all, and it doesnt need me,
the universe is self explanatory, it does not need you, but you dont need it, you dont need to live, i dont need to be here, "I" isnt me, eye can see that, but "i" isnt
so then what, im i back in highschool, wondering, and musing, but not funny, did i loose time, did i lost myself, or did i found myself, isnt that the same, why wondering, is it wonderful, fulfilling, full of feelings, putting toys in santa's bag, making happy,
happy is good,
happy is good
i get caught up
more lines, more words, when there is no need for them,
old ways of doing it, nostalgia about it, going back in time, finding my way, to a time before time, to a space within and without, that brings me back here, and did i miss the train, was i going left, did i just left, its right here, it turns, and turn, around the sun, towards the sun, around and round, bringing back the past with the future, within the future, this moment always growing,
i need to keep balance, i keep balance, im pretty good now, i can breath, i get better,
this sure aint about taoism is it
take 2 :
i felt like writing, and i dont know about the blog format, i know about writing, on my own or in a forum, but the mix of the two is weird, there seem to be even less purpose then writing for your own self, like in a journal, why am i between the two, for the sake of trying, (but) where is the content ? do i care for it, isnt it by itself, because i felt like writing but...there is so much i could say, i could go somewhere with this but i think that the somewhere i care to go for atm is here and it need not to be told, i wanna talk about nothing, but then i end up saying nothing, isnt that wuji
im trying to talk taoism i guess, but experience, not words, emptiness, not words
no words but any of them, none are really words, a word is a word but table isnt a word its table
but table isnt a table its a word
a table isnt a word and a word isnt a table
and "the tao that can be told is not the eternal tao"
and then im buying chicken at the grocery store
and then i can feel good, and then i want to share that
i want good people
but then do i ? ive got myself, but is it me ?
isnt it itself by itself
i can let go and smile, but to what extent
is the point to writing all that stuff lately being about that, bringing myself back down, not loosing myself in all of "it"
the wuji, the emptiness, the void, the nothing
im i trying to make a stand, so that i can come back here, in those words, in someones heart, back to life
do i care about this life, did i ? is it about me, myself, and others
what if i let go
i felt as if i would come back
but do i
i cant seem to place it within a duality
there aint no more good no more bad within emptiness
a primordial emptiness
but dont i come back here when i put back to life, when "it" is put back to life, through immemorial ages
ive gone back to acid feelings, things from a acid trip from 15 years ago
ive heard someone talk about something...
made me remember a part of something, something scary and reassuring
ive came here before and ill come back again
and i feel like leaving something behind
a typical "i wus here" feeling, leaving a trace, a sing, a signature for the sake of remembering, reembracing what once was the meaning that made you whole, the meaning within the center of your heart, that gave its light
that grain of sand, "there is a light that never goes out"
we die, we disappear completely, but then "it" comes back
we forget our dreams
...
i forget myself,
i wanted to walk to her but i did not, i wanted her, she was someone i knew, someone i wanted to know more of, someone i wanted to share myself with, but i did not move, i did not got, i lost myself, i forgot something, i had forgotten something, something that felt important, i would sit and wonder what it was, it was a part of myself, it was something, it must have being something or was i just avoiding the situation,
i failed
i did not move
we forget our dreams, what do they mean, why is there a cow in the supermarket and its completely normal, why cant i find my shoes, and i can breath underwater...
dreams makes no sense, why do we loose it every night, and end up believing its all real
because we want to believe ? believe that there is meaning, even tho there is a bunch of non sense going on we believe its all real because it really doesnt matter if it makes no sense, we make it make sense by following a story, there is a story and thats meaningful
there is a story, that never goes out...
cue to the never ending story theme song ; )
so what is taoism,
some chinesse thingny about stuff, and then they dress funny and do martial arts and then god said : that is good
i like taoism, it made sense to me ten some years ago and then it got better
it went from knowing about it in my head to understanding it in my heart to then recently experiencing it in my body
i was dealing with restless leg syndrome so i had trouble falling asleep and i ended up developing a technique to help me to fall asleep
and since i go to bed every night well...i ended up practicing the technique a whole lot, got good at it, realize that i could do it when not trying to fall asleep, then realize i did not need to be in bed, then i was able to do it easily anywhere at anytime, i had found a way to connect with something that was ever present
and thats emptiness
its always everywhere at all time
but it aint shit, it aint there, but it is, it really is, and isnt
but then shit gets futile when you try to share
and there is no point to share, but there is, its i itself
i fucking love being where i am
ive had to deal with depression for 20 year, that wasnt good, that was shit,
but im free from that now,
i found a way
i could say i found god but that aint it, i was raised christian but im talking taoism now
my main influence in chronological order have being : christianity, science, shamanism, taoism
and in taoism there is no god, but there is a way, there is "the" way, which is the way things are, so its the way things are-ism
im still here but im not the same, im the same but i aint
i want more but i dont, i wanna stay and i wanna go
then im back in highschool, or is it childhood, or is it me
i was in the park, i was wondering, letting myself go, being conscious
creating memories, writing it down within, inside my personal story
i had started life, a inner life, accumulating meaning, what it might mean, but it was all feelings, moments in time, i was connecting to something, it was a quality, a clarity, idk
childhood was really nice for me, i would ride around and explore, adventure time, not knowing, not needing to know, food was gonna be there and so would my bed, no worry and up to a new tomorrow, a happy cheezy crazy tomorrow
the sun, the sun, the sun
the grass was green, the sky was blue, and my heart was light and afternoons would never end
but then they would
and then im here
thinking about the dao, thinking about why do i care to write it down, why do i stop thinking if i know, why do i want to write it down,
for entertainment ? for the sake of avoiding doing something else ? because i die and i want to leave parts of me behind to find myself back ?
why do people want to leave something behind, why do they want to be remembered ?
"his spirits lives on"
we entertain memories, does that gives birth to the spirit world, do we create a spirit world out of our energies, out of the memories we entertain, that we hold within our heart,
what is love, what is hate, what is energy
random musing for the sake of itself, random moments
wanting to include something out of it, wanting to take the best and place it here, on paper,
those moments i wanna live in, those special moments that dont necessarily means something to the brain but they are meaningful to the heart, they have value, they feel good, they contain something special, something i want more of,
i wanna live inside those moments, because i gave them meaning, i made them mine by writing them down deep within me, and then i want to write them down on paper, let them out, so that they dont die with me,
but i dont have to name any of it, or describe any of it, its all there by itself, it rains, it snows, it just is
and so am i
i be
it am
im reversing, river sing, a flow of sound, a color is born out of a droplet of water, a line to the sun, connecting me to myself in time, in space, divided, united
that color is red, and its blue, and its all, at all time, but its only just now, just there, just now, but its a ghost by then, but it lives on, i give it birth everytime i go back
i want her with me, the sun in her smile, sweet chilhood, i was born free, and i got caught up, i lost it, to find it back again, and then im here, musing, amusing, not knowing, but knowing,
then comes the wind, time, time blowing me where but here, always here, remembering, and creating anew
i wanna let go and i wanna go
i wanna share something, but this aint it, those are words, they are but words, my words, and that aint it, it is it all, and it doesnt need me,
the universe is self explanatory, it does not need you, but you dont need it, you dont need to live, i dont need to be here, "I" isnt me, eye can see that, but "i" isnt
so then what, im i back in highschool, wondering, and musing, but not funny, did i loose time, did i lost myself, or did i found myself, isnt that the same, why wondering, is it wonderful, fulfilling, full of feelings, putting toys in santa's bag, making happy,
happy is good,
happy is good
i get caught up
more lines, more words, when there is no need for them,
old ways of doing it, nostalgia about it, going back in time, finding my way, to a time before time, to a space within and without, that brings me back here, and did i miss the train, was i going left, did i just left, its right here, it turns, and turn, around the sun, towards the sun, around and round, bringing back the past with the future, within the future, this moment always growing,
i need to keep balance, i keep balance, im pretty good now, i can breath, i get better,
this sure aint about taoism is it
take 2 :
i felt like writing, and i dont know about the blog format, i know about writing, on my own or in a forum, but the mix of the two is weird, there seem to be even less purpose then writing for your own self, like in a journal, why am i between the two, for the sake of trying, (but) where is the content ? do i care for it, isnt it by itself, because i felt like writing but...there is so much i could say, i could go somewhere with this but i think that the somewhere i care to go for atm is here and it need not to be told, i wanna talk about nothing, but then i end up saying nothing, isnt that wuji
im trying to talk taoism i guess, but experience, not words, emptiness, not words
no words but any of them, none are really words, a word is a word but table isnt a word its table
but table isnt a table its a word
a table isnt a word and a word isnt a table
and "the tao that can be told is not the eternal tao"
and then im buying chicken at the grocery store
and then i can feel good, and then i want to share that
i want good people
but then do i ? ive got myself, but is it me ?
isnt it itself by itself
i can let go and smile, but to what extent
is the point to writing all that stuff lately being about that, bringing myself back down, not loosing myself in all of "it"
the wuji, the emptiness, the void, the nothing
im i trying to make a stand, so that i can come back here, in those words, in someones heart, back to life
do i care about this life, did i ? is it about me, myself, and others
what if i let go
i felt as if i would come back
but do i
i cant seem to place it within a duality
there aint no more good no more bad within emptiness
a primordial emptiness
but dont i come back here when i put back to life, when "it" is put back to life, through immemorial ages
ive gone back to acid feelings, things from a acid trip from 15 years ago
ive heard someone talk about something...
made me remember a part of something, something scary and reassuring
ive came here before and ill come back again
and i feel like leaving something behind
a typical "i wus here" feeling, leaving a trace, a sing, a signature for the sake of remembering, reembracing what once was the meaning that made you whole, the meaning within the center of your heart, that gave its light
that grain of sand, "there is a light that never goes out"
we die, we disappear completely, but then "it" comes back
we forget our dreams
...
i forget myself,
i wanted to walk to her but i did not, i wanted her, she was someone i knew, someone i wanted to know more of, someone i wanted to share myself with, but i did not move, i did not got, i lost myself, i forgot something, i had forgotten something, something that felt important, i would sit and wonder what it was, it was a part of myself, it was something, it must have being something or was i just avoiding the situation,
i failed
i did not move
we forget our dreams, what do they mean, why is there a cow in the supermarket and its completely normal, why cant i find my shoes, and i can breath underwater...
dreams makes no sense, why do we loose it every night, and end up believing its all real
because we want to believe ? believe that there is meaning, even tho there is a bunch of non sense going on we believe its all real because it really doesnt matter if it makes no sense, we make it make sense by following a story, there is a story and thats meaningful
there is a story, that never goes out...
cue to the never ending story theme song ; )
so what is taoism,
some chinesse thingny about stuff, and then they dress funny and do martial arts and then god said : that is good
i like taoism, it made sense to me ten some years ago and then it got better
it went from knowing about it in my head to understanding it in my heart to then recently experiencing it in my body
i was dealing with restless leg syndrome so i had trouble falling asleep and i ended up developing a technique to help me to fall asleep
and since i go to bed every night well...i ended up practicing the technique a whole lot, got good at it, realize that i could do it when not trying to fall asleep, then realize i did not need to be in bed, then i was able to do it easily anywhere at anytime, i had found a way to connect with something that was ever present
and thats emptiness
its always everywhere at all time
but it aint shit, it aint there, but it is, it really is, and isnt
but then shit gets futile when you try to share
and there is no point to share, but there is, its i itself
i fucking love being where i am
ive had to deal with depression for 20 year, that wasnt good, that was shit,
but im free from that now,
i found a way
i could say i found god but that aint it, i was raised christian but im talking taoism now
my main influence in chronological order have being : christianity, science, shamanism, taoism
and in taoism there is no god, but there is a way, there is "the" way, which is the way things are, so its the way things are-ism