I'm sorry if this is the wrong place. I'm new, I looked around. This place is VAST, makes my head SWIM, Lol, no. I'm not gonna be using that. I'm legal now with what I do. This is about me, how I feel, my experience, etc.
I'm still an addict, I realize that. But for 17 months, I've only been on suboxone. Haven't been smoking weed or anything like that and I have no WANT at ALL to go back to opiates. But I've also been off suboxone, I didn't relapse, but it didn't work. There's a point where psychological isn't an option anymore. When I tell myself, Michael, man, just hang in there, you'll get better. Man, this is in my head, it'll go away. And I go into tapering off with a positive attitude and the yield is still shit for me. I know it's not in my head 40 days down the road.
I came off snorting at least 400mg of Oxymorphone (Opana) a day. Yeah, 400mg, I never got big into IV and no opiates were not the only drug I was abusing the hell out of, but they were my vice, and what I was most involved with.
One day I swore it all off, went on suboxone and, well, life was great. Was. The second my dose was messed with it all went downhill. 24mgs a day is where I feel best at. If anyone comes at me and says I don't need that, less is more, you're stupid, that's addict mentality, etc. I'm leaving and you won't have to worry about me raging or posting again. I've tried every dose in the damned book and 24mg is my minimum functioning dose. I've tapered and felt like shit every step of the way and got off suboxone and felt horrible. Maybe I'm one of those people who F'd their natural balance up so bad it can't go back to normal. I don't know. I just know the way my life has been up until recently is amazing. Much better than the gutter I was living in two years ago.
My current doctor is a statistic junkie and a religious nut who believes there is only one way of sub treatment, his way. I can't get a word in edge wise and he walks all over me. I feel outcasted in group therapy and it's not just me but I'm not looking for excuses. I know this is wrong. I'm having a religion I do not believe in or practice pushed on me, I'm being told how I really feel and the way I think I feel is a lie, and all this other stuff. My doctor has me on 12mg. Maybe some people can get by with 2mg. I'm not one of those people, I tried it and genuinely wanted it to work, but it just didn't. Well, I get monthly doses. I tried his way, again, for 40 days and just said screw this. I went up to 20mg and felt somewhat okay but still bad. I'm talking physically, not just in my head. Literally WD symptoms. And well, I'm without the rest of my months dose. Kind of a damned if you do damned if you don't situation. I realize dealing with 12mg a day and not running out is better than dealing with 20mg and being 5 days short of the month, but, I was TIRED of feeling like garbage every day and being told it was all in my head. I used to believe that, but not anymore.
There's this other doctor I know of. Cheaper, closer to me, lot of benefits. Doesn't push shit on his patients, is willing to work with people who need higher doses of suboxone. But I've never spoken to him. I'm out of subs, and need an appointment. How hard is it to switch doctors if you're like me? I mean, I just want someone with some experience with this in my boat before to tell me what they went through. This is an emergency, I have backup plans but I'm scared.
I'm sure most of you are just gonna say I take too much sub, It's all in my head, less is more, etc like everybody else has, but I can't take that and believe it after I've TRIED multiple doses over long time periods and even got off it and it never worked.
What do I do? Is switching doctors when already on subs hard? I don't get even remotely high off suboxone. I feel like a sober person would. I just feel like dog ass on any other dose besides 24mg. 32mg makes me sick. 16mg makes me jittery, insomnia, cramps, sweats, the shits, nausea, 8mg is like damned near full WD's, 4mg is hell, anything under 4mg is like 5 days into Opana withdrawals. I've tapered down, slowly, gave it time, tried to tell myself it would get better, I'm OKAY with being on suboxone for the rest of my life. I know this doctor is okay with the dosages being at 24mg and needed it long term. I just need to know if switching doctors is even possible .I never have. I'm out of subs and out of options. I will end up WDing into the ER before I go back to that religious, money-hungry nutback I call a 'doctor' now.
As I said. I have never relapsed. Ever. Never wanted to. Never tried to abuse my sub. Don't get high off of it. I was an opiate addict for 7 years before suboxone. I started using at 11 years old and got bad at 12, got HORRIBLE at 14 and continued on the horrible route until I was 19. Yes, I was snorting Roxy's when I was 12. Maybe that's why I'm so screwed up.
I'm still an addict, I realize that. But for 17 months, I've only been on suboxone. Haven't been smoking weed or anything like that and I have no WANT at ALL to go back to opiates. But I've also been off suboxone, I didn't relapse, but it didn't work. There's a point where psychological isn't an option anymore. When I tell myself, Michael, man, just hang in there, you'll get better. Man, this is in my head, it'll go away. And I go into tapering off with a positive attitude and the yield is still shit for me. I know it's not in my head 40 days down the road.
I came off snorting at least 400mg of Oxymorphone (Opana) a day. Yeah, 400mg, I never got big into IV and no opiates were not the only drug I was abusing the hell out of, but they were my vice, and what I was most involved with.
One day I swore it all off, went on suboxone and, well, life was great. Was. The second my dose was messed with it all went downhill. 24mgs a day is where I feel best at. If anyone comes at me and says I don't need that, less is more, you're stupid, that's addict mentality, etc. I'm leaving and you won't have to worry about me raging or posting again. I've tried every dose in the damned book and 24mg is my minimum functioning dose. I've tapered and felt like shit every step of the way and got off suboxone and felt horrible. Maybe I'm one of those people who F'd their natural balance up so bad it can't go back to normal. I don't know. I just know the way my life has been up until recently is amazing. Much better than the gutter I was living in two years ago.
My current doctor is a statistic junkie and a religious nut who believes there is only one way of sub treatment, his way. I can't get a word in edge wise and he walks all over me. I feel outcasted in group therapy and it's not just me but I'm not looking for excuses. I know this is wrong. I'm having a religion I do not believe in or practice pushed on me, I'm being told how I really feel and the way I think I feel is a lie, and all this other stuff. My doctor has me on 12mg. Maybe some people can get by with 2mg. I'm not one of those people, I tried it and genuinely wanted it to work, but it just didn't. Well, I get monthly doses. I tried his way, again, for 40 days and just said screw this. I went up to 20mg and felt somewhat okay but still bad. I'm talking physically, not just in my head. Literally WD symptoms. And well, I'm without the rest of my months dose. Kind of a damned if you do damned if you don't situation. I realize dealing with 12mg a day and not running out is better than dealing with 20mg and being 5 days short of the month, but, I was TIRED of feeling like garbage every day and being told it was all in my head. I used to believe that, but not anymore.
There's this other doctor I know of. Cheaper, closer to me, lot of benefits. Doesn't push shit on his patients, is willing to work with people who need higher doses of suboxone. But I've never spoken to him. I'm out of subs, and need an appointment. How hard is it to switch doctors if you're like me? I mean, I just want someone with some experience with this in my boat before to tell me what they went through. This is an emergency, I have backup plans but I'm scared.
I'm sure most of you are just gonna say I take too much sub, It's all in my head, less is more, etc like everybody else has, but I can't take that and believe it after I've TRIED multiple doses over long time periods and even got off it and it never worked.
What do I do? Is switching doctors when already on subs hard? I don't get even remotely high off suboxone. I feel like a sober person would. I just feel like dog ass on any other dose besides 24mg. 32mg makes me sick. 16mg makes me jittery, insomnia, cramps, sweats, the shits, nausea, 8mg is like damned near full WD's, 4mg is hell, anything under 4mg is like 5 days into Opana withdrawals. I've tapered down, slowly, gave it time, tried to tell myself it would get better, I'm OKAY with being on suboxone for the rest of my life. I know this doctor is okay with the dosages being at 24mg and needed it long term. I just need to know if switching doctors is even possible .I never have. I'm out of subs and out of options. I will end up WDing into the ER before I go back to that religious, money-hungry nutback I call a 'doctor' now.
As I said. I have never relapsed. Ever. Never wanted to. Never tried to abuse my sub. Don't get high off of it. I was an opiate addict for 7 years before suboxone. I started using at 11 years old and got bad at 12, got HORRIBLE at 14 and continued on the horrible route until I was 19. Yes, I was snorting Roxy's when I was 12. Maybe that's why I'm so screwed up.
