Hi everybody
Apologies for one of my early posts at this site this is going to be a bit deep. I would also like to say I am looking for your points of view in the situation I will describe. I dont want advice so to speak I want to know what you think and what you would do in this situation. I will try to describe this as basically as possible I dont really want to get my feelings into it as its the situation I am asking about.
Ok so me and my wife are long time married and we have children. We have been involved in the swinging scene for some years but only over the last 2 years or so did we actually get physical with other people. We have met with various other couples over the last few years and been to swingers clubs. This all seemed to be fine until about a month back.
About one year ago we met with a couple from the site we are on we met them twice once socially and then a second follow up to get physical. Both meets went without a problem a good time was had by all. Then a few months later by a simple random response to a status update the male half of the couple was invited to our place for some MMF fun. This is fine in his realtionship his wife has no issues with him playing alone. One day I log onto the PC to look at our swingers site profile but couldent log in as theres another account logged in on our PC. Turns out my wife without my knowledge set up a new single female account on the website we are on and was messaging the guy dirty messages. Ok its not the end of the world but it is against what we agreed was acceptable. Our rules were quite straight foreward, we play with people and thats it we dont keep up relations after or between meetings. My wife didnt think this was a major issue but I asked her to stop and she said she would. After this we talked about what had been said between them and she expressed a desire to meet with him alone. This is way outside of my comfort zone I am not at all happy about this and I told my wife this. To me swinging is something to be shared together not to be done alone. We have quite a few heated discussions about it. As we have been on the scene for some time we know lot of people and everyone has various sets of rules about what they are and are not comfortable with. My wife thought that as other couples we know play alone then she cant understand why she cant do that too. On top of that the guy in question is in a 100% open relationship he and his wife can play with anyone they want including the married partners of other couples whos partners know nothing about it. He has said he will happily play with her alone and in fact that is his prefferance rather than another MMF. My wife tells me she will delete the extra account and they will stop talking.
Time moves on I thought not much of it but the arguements about playing alone continued. I thought this was odd as the situation was over but it in the end I discovered they had not stopped talking at all and had now moved on to texting. Will admit I checked up on her I was deeply suspicious due to her behavior. We had some very serious discussions and arguements and she agreed again to stop texting the guy. Long story short this has gone on and on we have had lots of heart to hearts and she says she will stop but everytime he is back on the text again. She says that the relationship they have has now moved past being just sex based. He talks to her and listens to her problems and she feels that he is a friend. Both of them say (I get the odd text from him) that most of the converation they have is non sex based however whenever I find texts from the two of them is nearly always 100% sexual. My wife has also admited that she phoned him on several occasions. We have discussed some of what they talk about and she has told me that he gives her advice on our relationship. When we have an arguement she speaks to him about it and she also talks to him about all the issues in our relationship. I am not comfortable with that, its an odd situation for me. If it were her mother or sister fine but a once swinging partner? Just does not seem right. He has made it clear that he is always available for my wife to text if she wants to and he will always reply and give her advice as he is not hiding anything at his end.
At this moment in time my wife has suppoisidly broken conatact with him. We are meant to be working on our relationship. Today we had another arguement and we go over the same old issues. This is where I would like neutral points of view.
Her take on the situation: She says he is a happily married guy in an open relationship and he is no threat to us. She considers him a friend and he helps and gives her advice. Me asking her to cut him off damages our relationship and she feels controlled that she cant have a friend. She resents me for putting pressure on her to break their relationship off and feels like she has lost a friend now that they are not talking. Although she says they are friends she has admited that there would always be a sexual nature to their conversations.
My take on the situation: I am really unhappy with the relationship they have as it developed from a mistrust situation. My wife has constantly contacted him without my knowledge even when she claims she is not in contact. I dont like someone my wife has had a sexual relationship with giving her advice on our relationship and her texting him every time we have an argument it just does not seem right.
Finally its worth saying that our relationship has issues anyway, I was not that aware of these until recently. The relationship may end anyway regardless of the above. I would like to work on our issues so would like to know what others think. Should I let my wife stay in conatact with this guy and try and work on things between us and ignore him. This would be very difficult as I fell everything I say or every tiff we had gets texted to him. Or should I stand my ground and insist she does not contact him. As said above this may not decide the realtionship either way but would like your points of view anyway.
Bit deep for a 5th 6th post but there you go, all points of view appreciated.
Apologies for one of my early posts at this site this is going to be a bit deep. I would also like to say I am looking for your points of view in the situation I will describe. I dont want advice so to speak I want to know what you think and what you would do in this situation. I will try to describe this as basically as possible I dont really want to get my feelings into it as its the situation I am asking about.
Ok so me and my wife are long time married and we have children. We have been involved in the swinging scene for some years but only over the last 2 years or so did we actually get physical with other people. We have met with various other couples over the last few years and been to swingers clubs. This all seemed to be fine until about a month back.
About one year ago we met with a couple from the site we are on we met them twice once socially and then a second follow up to get physical. Both meets went without a problem a good time was had by all. Then a few months later by a simple random response to a status update the male half of the couple was invited to our place for some MMF fun. This is fine in his realtionship his wife has no issues with him playing alone. One day I log onto the PC to look at our swingers site profile but couldent log in as theres another account logged in on our PC. Turns out my wife without my knowledge set up a new single female account on the website we are on and was messaging the guy dirty messages. Ok its not the end of the world but it is against what we agreed was acceptable. Our rules were quite straight foreward, we play with people and thats it we dont keep up relations after or between meetings. My wife didnt think this was a major issue but I asked her to stop and she said she would. After this we talked about what had been said between them and she expressed a desire to meet with him alone. This is way outside of my comfort zone I am not at all happy about this and I told my wife this. To me swinging is something to be shared together not to be done alone. We have quite a few heated discussions about it. As we have been on the scene for some time we know lot of people and everyone has various sets of rules about what they are and are not comfortable with. My wife thought that as other couples we know play alone then she cant understand why she cant do that too. On top of that the guy in question is in a 100% open relationship he and his wife can play with anyone they want including the married partners of other couples whos partners know nothing about it. He has said he will happily play with her alone and in fact that is his prefferance rather than another MMF. My wife tells me she will delete the extra account and they will stop talking.
Time moves on I thought not much of it but the arguements about playing alone continued. I thought this was odd as the situation was over but it in the end I discovered they had not stopped talking at all and had now moved on to texting. Will admit I checked up on her I was deeply suspicious due to her behavior. We had some very serious discussions and arguements and she agreed again to stop texting the guy. Long story short this has gone on and on we have had lots of heart to hearts and she says she will stop but everytime he is back on the text again. She says that the relationship they have has now moved past being just sex based. He talks to her and listens to her problems and she feels that he is a friend. Both of them say (I get the odd text from him) that most of the converation they have is non sex based however whenever I find texts from the two of them is nearly always 100% sexual. My wife has also admited that she phoned him on several occasions. We have discussed some of what they talk about and she has told me that he gives her advice on our relationship. When we have an arguement she speaks to him about it and she also talks to him about all the issues in our relationship. I am not comfortable with that, its an odd situation for me. If it were her mother or sister fine but a once swinging partner? Just does not seem right. He has made it clear that he is always available for my wife to text if she wants to and he will always reply and give her advice as he is not hiding anything at his end.
At this moment in time my wife has suppoisidly broken conatact with him. We are meant to be working on our relationship. Today we had another arguement and we go over the same old issues. This is where I would like neutral points of view.
Her take on the situation: She says he is a happily married guy in an open relationship and he is no threat to us. She considers him a friend and he helps and gives her advice. Me asking her to cut him off damages our relationship and she feels controlled that she cant have a friend. She resents me for putting pressure on her to break their relationship off and feels like she has lost a friend now that they are not talking. Although she says they are friends she has admited that there would always be a sexual nature to their conversations.
My take on the situation: I am really unhappy with the relationship they have as it developed from a mistrust situation. My wife has constantly contacted him without my knowledge even when she claims she is not in contact. I dont like someone my wife has had a sexual relationship with giving her advice on our relationship and her texting him every time we have an argument it just does not seem right.
Finally its worth saying that our relationship has issues anyway, I was not that aware of these until recently. The relationship may end anyway regardless of the above. I would like to work on our issues so would like to know what others think. Should I let my wife stay in conatact with this guy and try and work on things between us and ignore him. This would be very difficult as I fell everything I say or every tiff we had gets texted to him. Or should I stand my ground and insist she does not contact him. As said above this may not decide the realtionship either way but would like your points of view anyway.
Bit deep for a 5th 6th post but there you go, all points of view appreciated.