Sweet relief.

It's good to have good friends and family that trust you... I know in my heart I don't really deserve trust for matters such as this, but by the time I'm done writing this entry, I probably won't really care... I'm talking about the kind of trust in handing an addict nearly $100 worth of Lortab 10's for free, expecting them to last that person a week when in reality they probably won't last me through tomorrow... I can already feel those comforting waves of warmth that I have grown to love so much start to radiate through my chest, and for the rest of the night, all will be well with the world... Come Friday, or maybe Saturday if I manage to exercise a tremendous amount of self control, I know I'll probably be right back to square one and feeling like utter shit again.

But you know what bothers me more than anything? The fact that I just don't care... I wonder, how hard will I have to hit bottom before I even *want* to get my shit together...?

 

I remember those days of simply accepting that 'this is just how it is', knowing that I was feeling good now but being terrified of when it all ran out and had to go through the hoops again.

hang strong, brother.