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Suspecting Foul-Play- Please help

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Balloony

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 2, 2011
Messages
3
I have been with this guy for 6 weeks. The relationship went very quickly and we are actually bf and gf from the first day we met. We spend a lot of time together, nearly every day, I spend thanksgiving with his family. Then, his family moved to the West Coast. So during the Christmas holiday, he traveled up there and been there since Monday. Since then, we have a 3 hour time difference so when it's 3pm, he is just waking up. He has not been calling me or responding to my texts and his phone turns off every night. I asked him about the phone and one night, he said that it died, the other night he said he turned it off early in the morning to turn-off the alarm. He is close to his family, he tends to sometimes laser focus on things and he says he loves me. But I just notice the intensity change, so my guts is telling me that there is something going on. Any help will be appreciated? I have borderline so I am not sure if I am having abandonment issues or he could really be cheating. Is his behavior legit? Why the turning-off phone at night? He is missing a lot of my calls, now barely responds to my texts. I am not sure if I should break up with him while he is away since I don't feel comfortable. He comes back on Sat but it seems forever from now.
 
I can't see any reason for you to think he is cheating on you? There is obviously going to be an intensity change, whether that be because the initial *Oh my god wow <3* stage is just calming down, he's 3 time zones away, or he's just focussing on hanging out with his family etc etc.. What kind of things are you texting him?

Please don't take offence to this but you're gonna really have to calm it down if you want a relationship to work.. accusations of cheating and the like are seriously annoying :p

So I suggest: Chill out.. let him spend some time with his family!

How old are you, if you don't me asking?
 
I agree with rickolasnice, no reason to assume he's cheating. The initial intense excitement stage at the beginning of a relationship always dies down eventually...Especially if someone just moved to the other end of the country.
He might just have decided it's healthier to turn off his phone at night. It means absolutely nothing.
Relax, see how it goes when you see him again and if you're really worried then ask him about it straight up, but there's no point imagining all the worst-case scenarios :)
 
You seem a bit upset about his non-responsiveness to your calls/texts. You have only been together 6 weeks. How much can you really know about a person in such a short time? No reason to be suspicious and a little space goes a long way.
 
I agree with everyone above. Especially if you say he gets focused on what he is doing at the moment. If I was with my family, I would not be looking at my phone every minute, I probably would turn it off. In my opinion, you should expect to speak with him once a day and no more. You really have no basis to think he would be cheating. I would let it go and then see how he acts when he returns.
 
Balloony said:
I have been with this guy for 6 weeks. The relationship went very quickly and we are actually bf and gf from the first day we met. We spend a lot of time together, nearly every day, I spend thanksgiving with his family. Then, his family moved to the West Coast. So during the Christmas holiday, he traveled up there and been there since Monday. Since then, we have a 3 hour time difference so when it's 3pm, he is just waking up. He has not been calling me or responding to my texts and his phone turns off every night. I asked him about the phone and one night, he said that it died, the other night he said he turned it off early in the morning to turn-off the alarm. He is close to his family, he tends to sometimes laser focus on things and he says he loves me. But I just notice the intensity change, so my guts is telling me that there is something going on. Any help will be appreciated? I have borderline so I am not sure if I am having abandonment issues or he could really be cheating. Is his behavior legit? Why the turning-off phone at night? He is missing a lot of my calls, now barely responds to my texts. I am not sure if I should break up with him while he is away since I don't feel comfortable. He comes back on Sat but it seems forever from now.
Click to expand...

There is absolutely no reason to think he is cheating... I don't text my girlfriend for days at a time, you cant be in contact with people all day every day.
 
Sadly I am now 28. So I know a lot of people would say that I am too old to feel that emotionally insecure. I am texting....random stuff like about my day, things I discover........ how I can be a better gf........If he needed space, would he tell me?, then why are you ignoring me???, He said everyday that I am crazy about the space thing, he thinks we spend okay amount of time, he is ignoring me. For every 10 texts, I get one response though.
 
Maybe he just wants to be left alone to enjoy his family? Honestly, now, you've been together day in and day out, and there are plenty of people in this world who just need their space sometimes. Send him a nice "good night" text and go to bed. From the sound of it, you're blowing up his phone and he probably is getting annoyed.
 
with borderline you have to be careful because its easy to look for a way to turn someone you really like into someone you really hate especially if you feel ignored. the whole idolise then hate then idolise then hate, like an emotional dynamo

i would say that maybe he is interested in his family. obviously anyone else getting his attention makes you jealous but its not worth getting upset over this issue.

if his phone is going off is that after you have texted loads? if your with people and you get 10 texts in 2 hours and its noisy each time it can be embarrassing

also it doesn't matter how old you are- insecurity is the bane of being human
 
It sounds like he is concerned that you are too attached after 6 weeks. Back off him and see if he cares to find out why you stopped texting as much. Is he staying in cali forever or just the holidays?
 
You said he's coming home Saturday. So can you just go one day without blowing up his phone?
Really, he might find your repeated calls and texts needy and annoying. Give it a rest. Sorry to be so blunt.
 
For every 10 texts you get 1 reply? You are texting him too much. Seriously calm down.. give him some space.. It sounds like you are being a bit intense.. It's only been 6 weeks?? Relax.. Forget about him and get on with your life.. let him text / call you.. If he doesn't for a while.. Don't freak out.. Chill.. Get on with your day.

It sounds like you are pestering him about not spending enough time together when he see's no issue? Seriously.. You're gonna scare him away.. Just chill out and be yourself.. do you things.
 
Deep breath... Do shit you like doing to occupy your time... Enjoy it when he returns.
 
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