THE_REAL_OBLIVION
Bluelight Crew
I came to the conclusion that SSRI's are not for me, they send me into mania where I stop needing to eat much and sleep and become totally uninhibited, not in the typical benzo/alcohol or even stimulant way, but it turns me into someone else, who suddenly has no values and does things he wouldn't normally do, I won't expand much further than that.
I've been meaning to find something to sleep besides Seroquel (25mg or less) on top of the Valium, I take 10mg in the afternoon and another in the evening and have been able to do that as long as I had Temazepam 30-60mg a night...and the 60mg is me taking it double than the prescription...so I was sick of always lacking Temazepam at night and looked at a lot of studies and concluded that Trimipramine is something I could give a try. My doc was laughing a bit, saying we rarely script this, it's got a lot of anticholinergic effects, but I told him the 12.5mg ones must be enough and his computer program or whatever he had on his tiny netbook as he agreed to try it, he couldn't find a dose under 25mg...I told him I found the Monograph for Surmontil (brand name) online and that there's 12.5, 25, 50, 75, 100mg doses, but he couldn't find the 12.5, and unless power is out, he doesn't do written scripts anymore, he makes printed scripts that really cannot be tampered with these days, he told me he started doing that so pharmacists weren't so confused when he was having someone do a benzo taper, pharmacists are like "wtf" when you got a script that says this for 2 weeks, that for 3 weeks, and it's going off 1mg of valium every step.
Well the 12.5mg ones did exist and the pharmacy gave me 4 times more pills but they were 12.5, he had the script be 25mg before bed, increase to 50mg if patient wants to. Well it does work, very well at making one sleep, but I had to take 25mg for it to work, and it's virtues of not interfering with REM sleep and keeping your sleep stages as natural as they can be is what made me want to try it, expecting a tetracyclic other than trazodone which is thrown at everybody for sleep here to be much better, trazodone does not give one a normal sleep, that I can attest to, it's one of the medication I've taken that I loathe the most.
It works, but like all antidepressants, other than Manerix (moclobemide...a shame I can't take it, raises my pulse way too high, I have a naturally high pulse for some reason, it's only in Canada, Australia and UK, even if it came out in '77, I bet the DEA was all uppity about it being used for pharmahuasca (and they're right for certain people...I got a lot of jars of 150mg manerix tablets, that reversible MAOI is a wonder), I feel like I'm on some low dose of a serotonergic psychedelic drug, I'm starting to be sure that all the LSD I've done (dosed about 300 times in my life) has changed my neurochemistry and my brain just doesn't like serotonergic drugs, even the come up of MDMA is extremely uncomfortable for me, after it's come I'm alright though...my brother also can't stand MDMA, all it gives him is extreme body temperature variations, so I guess there is something genetic here...and all his friends when he had some mid 2000's pure molly in a cap...back in those days you could be pretty much certain that if it was crystal in a gelcap, it was MDMA or at least MDxx. I have this kind of body load that is a bit uncomfortable, but at the same time, it works very fast, I listened to music today like crazy like I haven't in years despite my massive music collection, physical+digital must equal to over 5000 albums, EP's and 7 inches in total...I was extremely into it and I had a lot better conversations with my girlfriend in years, she says I talk like I used to 2 years ago or so, before the problem of benzo tolerance withdrawal showed up and I have to buy some designer ones in small quantities to make sure I'm okay, but I've had 10-15 days without valium a couple times and I was sure I was losing it and since then I can't smoke weed anymore, I'm certain I could not take a psychedelic again and enjoy it other than 2c-b-fly and AMT for some reason, everything else I tried (low doses) were unpleasant and very depressing even.
I might continue to take it, but I'll stick to the miraculously tiny ( i think they're even smaller than Hycodan 5mg tablets (hydrocodone 5mg tablets in canada) which are really tiny) tablets 12.5mg, once, I think 25mg even of just that is too much for my serotonin-sensitive system.
This morning on day 4, after taking 12.5mg (everything prior to this paragraph I wrote yesterday but did not post), I wake up only 5 hours later and it's because when I got my valium script, some clonazolam in the mail being a saviour, arriving just on time, as I was starting to be in the "been so long I had a benzo, I don't feel confident like the previous days that I can endure it any longer" mode, unable to sleep, muscle cramps everywhere, jagged mood...so when I got home from that late afternoon appointment, not having slept in 48 hours, the Seroquel 25's not doing anything but slightly calming me down (tolerance to the sleep effect of those lowest dose of seroquel almost only prescribed for sleep happens a lot faster than with benzos, at least if you take it irregularly there's no withdrawal, I can't fathom what those people taking antipsychotic doses (200mg+...up to 800...goddamn) have in their minds to be so effed up as to need this thing in such doses, but I hear it stops making people sleepy when it reaches the non "benadryl on steroids" antihistamine effect.
So back to this morning on day 4, only had 25mg on the first day, and had the symptoms I described, 12.5mg leaves me with no such "serotonin-syndromish" symptoms, but when I woke up I was HUNGRY, then after eating a bowl of healthy cereal, I get hungry again a couple hours later just chilling listening to music, but I still got the weight methadone put on me now 4 years ago and it won't go away despite exercise due to apparently me having low thyroid levels, something I'll have corrected when I meet my endocrinologist who's a bit of a cunt, because I was so ill with sinusitis-bronchitis after my doctor came home (yes, came home, he offers home treatment on friday afternoons) and I was put on Cefzil and I dropped the suboxone for 5 days so I could try and enjoy the Hycodan syrup script (worked...kinda), so I spent a lot of time sleeping waiting for the illness to go away and I missed an appointment and my fiancee took a call from her receptionist who said because I missed my appointment the doctor would only see me in 6 months, so yeah low thyroid explains why I can't lose weight despite 20 minutes of stationary bike everyday for periods of 6 months, a day and then I give up, happened twice. All those endocrinological issues aside, after not eating and just drinking grenade juice, I start to get very nauseous, more so when I take hits from my e-cig, reminding me of when one had a little too much opiates with no antihistamine in the house...So, thankfully my suboxone doctor scripts me Hydroxyzine 50mg for suboxone related nausea, but since it is so mild I rarely take it other than to boost the actual suboxone. So, is it like they say, after a while your body adjusts to it or am I now confined to having little-to-zero small bupe high and little-to-zero relief when taking benzos, they just seem to be necessary to take so I don't go into wds. I think I'll be using Trimipramine only when having lots of problems sleeping, it says to take 1 or 2 as needed after all. It's a wonder drug for sleep, but even at 12.5mg (I can't believe there's 75mg and 100mg capsule and tablet respectively of that stuff) but it's got a lot of side effects I don't find too nice to live with.
Anyone with experience with Surmontil(trimipramine) is welcome for advice, or any kind of advice really. I can play self-learned Medicine PhD when it comes to anxiety disorders but antidepressants even if used for other purposes, although trimipramine is made to improve sleep and then mood when one wakes up...I just loathe SSRI's so much I don't feel like I have the answers here. Thanks for you attention.
I've been meaning to find something to sleep besides Seroquel (25mg or less) on top of the Valium, I take 10mg in the afternoon and another in the evening and have been able to do that as long as I had Temazepam 30-60mg a night...and the 60mg is me taking it double than the prescription...so I was sick of always lacking Temazepam at night and looked at a lot of studies and concluded that Trimipramine is something I could give a try. My doc was laughing a bit, saying we rarely script this, it's got a lot of anticholinergic effects, but I told him the 12.5mg ones must be enough and his computer program or whatever he had on his tiny netbook as he agreed to try it, he couldn't find a dose under 25mg...I told him I found the Monograph for Surmontil (brand name) online and that there's 12.5, 25, 50, 75, 100mg doses, but he couldn't find the 12.5, and unless power is out, he doesn't do written scripts anymore, he makes printed scripts that really cannot be tampered with these days, he told me he started doing that so pharmacists weren't so confused when he was having someone do a benzo taper, pharmacists are like "wtf" when you got a script that says this for 2 weeks, that for 3 weeks, and it's going off 1mg of valium every step.
Well the 12.5mg ones did exist and the pharmacy gave me 4 times more pills but they were 12.5, he had the script be 25mg before bed, increase to 50mg if patient wants to. Well it does work, very well at making one sleep, but I had to take 25mg for it to work, and it's virtues of not interfering with REM sleep and keeping your sleep stages as natural as they can be is what made me want to try it, expecting a tetracyclic other than trazodone which is thrown at everybody for sleep here to be much better, trazodone does not give one a normal sleep, that I can attest to, it's one of the medication I've taken that I loathe the most.
It works, but like all antidepressants, other than Manerix (moclobemide...a shame I can't take it, raises my pulse way too high, I have a naturally high pulse for some reason, it's only in Canada, Australia and UK, even if it came out in '77, I bet the DEA was all uppity about it being used for pharmahuasca (and they're right for certain people...I got a lot of jars of 150mg manerix tablets, that reversible MAOI is a wonder), I feel like I'm on some low dose of a serotonergic psychedelic drug, I'm starting to be sure that all the LSD I've done (dosed about 300 times in my life) has changed my neurochemistry and my brain just doesn't like serotonergic drugs, even the come up of MDMA is extremely uncomfortable for me, after it's come I'm alright though...my brother also can't stand MDMA, all it gives him is extreme body temperature variations, so I guess there is something genetic here...and all his friends when he had some mid 2000's pure molly in a cap...back in those days you could be pretty much certain that if it was crystal in a gelcap, it was MDMA or at least MDxx. I have this kind of body load that is a bit uncomfortable, but at the same time, it works very fast, I listened to music today like crazy like I haven't in years despite my massive music collection, physical+digital must equal to over 5000 albums, EP's and 7 inches in total...I was extremely into it and I had a lot better conversations with my girlfriend in years, she says I talk like I used to 2 years ago or so, before the problem of benzo tolerance withdrawal showed up and I have to buy some designer ones in small quantities to make sure I'm okay, but I've had 10-15 days without valium a couple times and I was sure I was losing it and since then I can't smoke weed anymore, I'm certain I could not take a psychedelic again and enjoy it other than 2c-b-fly and AMT for some reason, everything else I tried (low doses) were unpleasant and very depressing even.
I might continue to take it, but I'll stick to the miraculously tiny ( i think they're even smaller than Hycodan 5mg tablets (hydrocodone 5mg tablets in canada) which are really tiny) tablets 12.5mg, once, I think 25mg even of just that is too much for my serotonin-sensitive system.
This morning on day 4, after taking 12.5mg (everything prior to this paragraph I wrote yesterday but did not post), I wake up only 5 hours later and it's because when I got my valium script, some clonazolam in the mail being a saviour, arriving just on time, as I was starting to be in the "been so long I had a benzo, I don't feel confident like the previous days that I can endure it any longer" mode, unable to sleep, muscle cramps everywhere, jagged mood...so when I got home from that late afternoon appointment, not having slept in 48 hours, the Seroquel 25's not doing anything but slightly calming me down (tolerance to the sleep effect of those lowest dose of seroquel almost only prescribed for sleep happens a lot faster than with benzos, at least if you take it irregularly there's no withdrawal, I can't fathom what those people taking antipsychotic doses (200mg+...up to 800...goddamn) have in their minds to be so effed up as to need this thing in such doses, but I hear it stops making people sleepy when it reaches the non "benadryl on steroids" antihistamine effect.
So back to this morning on day 4, only had 25mg on the first day, and had the symptoms I described, 12.5mg leaves me with no such "serotonin-syndromish" symptoms, but when I woke up I was HUNGRY, then after eating a bowl of healthy cereal, I get hungry again a couple hours later just chilling listening to music, but I still got the weight methadone put on me now 4 years ago and it won't go away despite exercise due to apparently me having low thyroid levels, something I'll have corrected when I meet my endocrinologist who's a bit of a cunt, because I was so ill with sinusitis-bronchitis after my doctor came home (yes, came home, he offers home treatment on friday afternoons) and I was put on Cefzil and I dropped the suboxone for 5 days so I could try and enjoy the Hycodan syrup script (worked...kinda), so I spent a lot of time sleeping waiting for the illness to go away and I missed an appointment and my fiancee took a call from her receptionist who said because I missed my appointment the doctor would only see me in 6 months, so yeah low thyroid explains why I can't lose weight despite 20 minutes of stationary bike everyday for periods of 6 months, a day and then I give up, happened twice. All those endocrinological issues aside, after not eating and just drinking grenade juice, I start to get very nauseous, more so when I take hits from my e-cig, reminding me of when one had a little too much opiates with no antihistamine in the house...So, thankfully my suboxone doctor scripts me Hydroxyzine 50mg for suboxone related nausea, but since it is so mild I rarely take it other than to boost the actual suboxone. So, is it like they say, after a while your body adjusts to it or am I now confined to having little-to-zero small bupe high and little-to-zero relief when taking benzos, they just seem to be necessary to take so I don't go into wds. I think I'll be using Trimipramine only when having lots of problems sleeping, it says to take 1 or 2 as needed after all. It's a wonder drug for sleep, but even at 12.5mg (I can't believe there's 75mg and 100mg capsule and tablet respectively of that stuff) but it's got a lot of side effects I don't find too nice to live with.
Anyone with experience with Surmontil(trimipramine) is welcome for advice, or any kind of advice really. I can play self-learned Medicine PhD when it comes to anxiety disorders but antidepressants even if used for other purposes, although trimipramine is made to improve sleep and then mood when one wakes up...I just loathe SSRI's so much I don't feel like I have the answers here. Thanks for you attention.
